18 & no way out. please respond soon.

[Guest]

I'll start by saying I live in Southern California. I'm 18 years old, still living at home and am a commuter student at a local state university. I screwed up. It's only been one semester and I have been put on academic probation for having a low GPA. I may even be a candidate for academic disqualification, meaning that I'll essentially be kicked out of the school. My parents are incredibly strict and overbearing and I am so nervous to tell them. I know it will not end well. Neither have them have ever been physically violent with me, but both have short tempers and have come very close to getting physical. My parents and I have a great relationship but when I do something that is this level of bad, our relationship gets thrown out the window. They do not support any decision I make unless it's a decision that they have forced me into making.

I have contemplated asking them if I can move out and be on my own. Take a break from school, find a job, and be on my own. I've never learned how to be independent because they have been breathing down my neck for 18 years. I want to learn, but if I were to ever bring it up I know it wouldn't be taken seriously. I don't know where I can go. I want to get out of California. I have a boyfriend that lives in the midwest and I don't know if he'll take me in, but I do know better to go there first.

I am sure that I want to get out and I have no other way of getting out other than running away.

[ccsmod1]

Re: 18 & no way out. please respond soon.

Thanks for sharing a little about what’s going on with us. It certainly sounds like you’re in a tough situation right now. From what you wrote, it sounds like you’ve been having a difficult time in college and are nervous about telling your parents. It sounds like from past encounters with your parents, you feel that they wouldn’t handle that information very well. We’re sorry to hear that you feel that your parents aren’t supportive of you and wouldn’t allow you to move out on your own.

You mentioned that you don’t think it would be helpful to talk to your parents because they wouldn’t take you seriously. Is there anyone in your life that you feel would help you through this? You wrote about a boyfriend who lives in the Midwest and is possibly someone that you could go stay with. Have you discussed this with him? If you’re not able to stay with him, do you have a backup plan?

It sounds like you feel that the only way to leave your house is to runaway. We’re assuming that you mean that you won’t tell your parents where you’re going. Just so you’re aware at 18, you would likely no longer be considered a runaway legally. This also means that your parents would not be able to file a runaway report or make you come back home if they were to find you.

One thing that may be helpful to know about is that there are a lot of programs for young adults to learn to be independent and live on their own. These types of programs are called Transitional Living Programs or Independent Living Programs. They’re there to help youth learn life skills, get employment training, manage their finances, etc. Here’s a good link that has more information about such agencies: http://ncfy.acf.hhs.gov/locate/index.htm. The agencies that have a check under “Transitional Living Programs” are the ones to look at! Many times the websites for the agencies are listed to get specific information.

We’d be happy to talk to you in further detail about all you’re going through, different options and help you come up with a plan that you’re comfortable with. We aren’t here to tell you what to do, or what not to do. We could also help you make calls to local agencies that have TLPs if you were interested in learning more about their programs and didn’t feel comfortable calling them yourself. Someone is available here 24/7. We hope you’re able to come up with a plan that you feel would work for you!