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  • scared at home

    I turned 17 yesterday and I'm scared at home. When I was younger my mum would break my toys until I did what she wanted me to do. In the past 7 years, she yells constantly, saying i'm a liar, disrespectful, i dont love her, etc. I have a 4.0 gpa and homeschool myself. I have a disorder where I pass out when I become nervous & she blames me for not stopping it. She threatens to hit & punch me. When I told her I was a cutter and needed help, she called me stupid. She says I'm going to give her a heart attack one day. I'm not allowed to hang out with anyone she doesn't know, and my friends have to come to my house, I cant go to theirs. I get to go to church on Sundays and sometimes on Wednesdays if I dont make her yell. I usually stay in my bedroom unless I'm eating or cleaning. My mum also has OCP (obsissive compulsive personality) and takes my cellphone every night at 10pm. She reads my texts and blocks my friends she doesn't like from contacting me. I'm not allowed to get a license or ride with anyone else. When I'm yelled at, I become scared because of constant threats. I need help now. I live in Louisiana. What can I do? I need help fast.

  • #2
    Re: scared at home

    Hello,

    Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Switchboard. We want to congratulate you on turning 17. We imagine this is sort of a milestone for you as you wait for the big year. It sounds like you are looking forward to that age where you can do more for yourself. It seems you could benefit by having more family support. We empathize with your situation and want you to know that you are not alone. You certainly do not deserve what is happening to you at home. How are you coping?

    It must have been hard to go through so much at an early age. It sounds like you are a survivor. If you do not feel safe at home, there are options to get help. We are not in the position to tell you what to do but it sounds like you are saying that mom has not taken advantage of the opportunity to meet certain needs of yours. It seems she has overlooked many of the struggles you face. However, you continue to strive for better with a 4.0 GPA. You must be a rock to overcome so much. You do not deserve any of this. It is not fair to you to be threatened like that. It ought to be about you and now what you are doing to her. Indeed, there are two sides and it sounds like your family could benefit from having someone to mediate. Have you thought about seeing a counselor alone or a family therapist together?

    What do you see as the best way out? Who can you call on for support? We are here for you. You are not alone. We want you to know that we can be a support to you. We are here 24 hours a day. We can talk about other ways to cope until you figure a way out if you wish. We are not here to tell you to stay or leave. We wish to explore options to have you remain safe if you stay or to talk about a feasible plan to remain safe if you leave home. We can be reached 24 hours a day at 1800RUNAWAY. We are confidential and anonymous. We have resources to local shelters or counseling agencies for free.

    Although we are confidential, we are also mandatory reporters if you wish to report what is happening to you. We have links to the necessary agencies that seeks to investigate the matter at hand and can figure out how else to help you. We do not guarantee the outcome but the likelihood that they will figure out other resources or means to helping you and your mother can yield good result. It can be hardest to prove mistreatment if nothing physical happen but feeling unsafe is still serious. What would you say about giving us a call? We can provide a listening ear to you and offer resources. We can find referrals for Louisiana. We wish you the best of luck.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: scared at home

      Thank you for the reply. I was 5 minutes late coming home from church last night and she took my cell phone and grounded me for 2 weeks. I go to a psychologist once every 2 weeks for adhd and anxiety. My mom makes sure I always take my medicine because she says I become too out of control when I don't. At the moment, I'm a prisoner in my own house. My dad recently left the hospital and is still recovering and learning to walk. My sister is 11 and is never yelled at. My mum took all the house phones as well, so I cannot call anyone. My youth leader recommended going to a boys & girls club or a SafePlace. There is a SafePlace 2.1 miles away, but I cant go there. My complex is so extreme I believe I'm useless and horrible- a liar and disrespectful- though I know I'm not. I called the Trevor Project hotline last night and they mentioned becoming emancipated. I'm not sure what options I have to get out of here. But I can't deal with this for 12 more months.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: scared at home

        Thanks for sharing what’s been going on since your last post.

        It sounds like you’re feeling pretty desperate to find a way out of your house. It’s great that you’re continuing to reach out for help. You mentioned talking to a youth leader that offered a couple of suggestions, including the Safe Place. We assume you’re referring to a youth shelter, as this is what that generally means. You wrote that there’s one fairly close, but that you can’t go there. What’s the reason you aren’t able to go to the Safe Place? If it’s a transportation issue and it is an official Safe Place shelter (www.national safeplace.org), these agencies normally offer transportation to their shelters. All you have to do is go to a designated Safe Place location (usually a gas station, library, fire department, grocery store, fast food restaurant etc), call the shelter from that location and they send someone to pick you up. If that was the issue that was in the way of you going to the shelter, you might be able to find out on the shelter’s website where the designated safe places are. Otherwise any location that has the yellow diamond Safe Place icon is one of these types of locations. Of course, we also know that there could be several other reasons why you’re not able to go to the shelter.

        You also mentioned something about emancipation. The information that we have is that in order to be emancipated in Louisiana, you must be at least 16 years old and you have to petition a judge for the emancipation. We don’t have any specifics of the requirements of emancipation, but generally speaking in order to get emancipated you must be able to financially support yourself and the judge has to find that emancipation is in the youth’s best interest. Our guess is that to find out more specific information, the local county courthouse is who you’d want to contact. There may also be a legal aid hotline in your local area that may be able to offer specific legal guidance.

        Often youth shelters are able to help youth in similar situations figure out what options are available to them as well as help facilitate the needed local resources to get the services you need. Most shelters also have case managers and other staff that can act as advocates to help youth get the assistance they need.

        We’d be happy to talk to you further about different options. We could also help you call local agencies, such as the youth shelters to find out more about their services as well as see if you’re able to go to their agency. We know you don’t have a phone right now, but when you’re able to use a phone again, we’re always here. Day and night. Even on the holidays, we’re open. If you’re not able to call and you want numbers to the county courthouse, legal aid or shelters, you’re welcome to repost with a city for us to search in.

        Best of luck. We hope you’re able to find a solution that you’re comfortable with.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: scared at home

          I can't go to a safeplace because my mum doesn't let me leave the house without her permission. I live in Bastrop LA. I've spent the entire day in my room, leaving only to eat lunch. it's safer in here than in the rest of the house with my mum. I can't take another year of this.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: scared at home

            Thanks for getting back in contact with the National Runaway Switchboard. There are two safe places in the state of Louisiana and here’s a link to the website (http://nationalsafeplace.org/aboutus/ab ... e.php?s=LA). The website provides the name of the Safe Places and their contact information. One of the Safe Places listed have a website and their email address information is provided on their webpage.

            You mentioned earlier that your Youth Leader recommended going to a Boys & Girls Club or a Safe Place. How close is the nearest Boys & Girls Club? Do you think your mom would approve of you visiting a Boys & Girls Club?

            Do you feel that your immediate safety is at risk? If so, have you ever thought about contacting the police?

            If you receive the opportunity to make any outgoing phone calls, please consider giving us a call at 1800RUNAWAY. Our hotline is anonymous, confidential, and toll free. We are available to provide assistance 24hours and 7days a week.

            We hope that you are able to visit the National Safe Place website as well as the Safe Place webpage that provides an email address for contact since it seems that the internet is your only communication method at this moment.

            We wish you the best of luck.

            ~NRS
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: scared at home

              The nearest Boys & Girls club is about an hour away, and I could only go if she took me & stayed with me the entire time. I don't think I'm in any physical danger at the moment, but she is constantly threatening to hurt me, and I always think maybe she will this time. If I call the police, what would I say? What would happen? Would I have to stay here with her?

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: scared at home

                Unfortunately, we have no way to predict how the police would react if you were to call them. Generally speaking, they only get involved if the person calling is in physical danger while they’re calling. It’s possible they may be able to help talk to your mom about allowing you to stay in a shelter or at a family/friend’s house for a little while, if you were to explain to them that you don’t feel safe in your home. It really just depends on the individual police department. However, it's always an option to call and ask what they would do in a certain situation. The police department’s number in Bastrop is #318- 281-1322. Of course, if at anytime you do feel like your immediate safety is at risk, 911 may be the best option to call.

                The agency that investigates whether a home is safe or not for a person under 18 is Child Protective Services (CPS). People are able to make reports of child abuse or neglect with them. Once a report is filed they usually do an investigation to determine if the youth is safe or not. There’s no guarantee that by calling them and making a report, that they will remove the youth from the home though. That’s generally the last option, since their goal is not only to keep youth safe but also to keep families together. If they find that a home is not safe, they do provide alternative housing for the youth (shelter, foster care, etc) or will often place the youth with a family member. Even if CPS doesn’t remove a youth from a home, they do often offer family mediation and can mandate services (counseling, short-term shelter stay, etc) for a family. If this is something you’re interested in finding out more about, the number for the Office of Community Services in your parish is #318-283-0820. Once you have access to a phone, we’d be happy to conference a call to them with you if you felt more comfortable doing it that way.

                Best of luck.
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment

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