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Grim Outlook

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  • Grim Outlook

    Sooo... let's flashback to 2 years ago. My mom quit her job and stopped paying the rent. Blah. No big deal then. November in that year... few days before Thanksgiving weekend to be exact... They finally kicked us out. It was sooooooo warming to see them throw our stuff on the front lawn. I went to stay with my grandfather. Still, no big deal.

    After living there for about 6 weeks, I went to an unfinished... crappy... brokedown... wouldn't-stick-my-mortal-enemies-in house in... the "ghetto".. to go live with my mom. It was winter. It was cold. I froze night after night until my mom bought heaters. My grades plummeted... like... Great Depression plummeted.

    There's a lot of filler, but, meh. Child protective services looked into that Little House of Horrors and my... less than exemplary mother... and found there was nothing they could do.

    So, last year May (Memorial Day) we moved to where I am now. (One thing I've learned about Michigan: It sucks no matter where you are.)

    Moving closer to now... In April this year, my HS counselor told her to take me to the doctor -- doctor being psychiatrist -- over concerns of "suicidal ideations". Big words for some writings I scribbled a whole 7 months ago that fell into the right hands. After a lovely 3 hours (15 minutes actually spent talking to said doctor), I was promptly shuffled to some other place), where I spent another 3 hours doing nothing. In the end I come out of it all, with the following diagnosis: Depression, NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) and Neurosis. Wow. Egads.

    My mom, once again, has quit her job and stopped paying rent. Great. She says she's tired of me not doing anything around the house and not getting good grades and that we are going to move back to the "ghetto". Greeeeaaaaaaaaaat. Of course, the stagnant smelling water in the sink and the flies and her two disasterous rooms (paper, cigarettes, and old food about ankle high) aren't anything to be concerned about. Not to mention her drunk driving conviction and probation I'm not supposed to know about but do. No, she's moving because of me and my apparant failures (caused by her, IMHO).

    I've been through one eviction. I can't go through another. I can't live in the ghetto. I'd die. Literally. I don't fit in with thug culture. They'd string me up and gut me.. probably for the reason I date guys (which my mom doesn't know) and if not that... because I'm proper.

    I dunno what to do. I can't kill myself 'cuz I'm too much of a wimp... else I would have done it by now... many years ago. And.. I dunno where to run to... but I do know I'm going to... I can't go with my mom to... where ever she wants to move to.

    And if you actually read this whole thing... what's left of my slowly dying heart and soul really appreciates it.

    - X-Ray Red

  • #2
    Re: Grim Outlook

    wow! the past couple of years seem to have been a real roller coaster ride for you. The way you wrote your story really captured your emotions and expressed your spirit to persevere through a very bleak situation.
    We understand your feelings of not wanting to return to the previous housing
    conditions. What might be some other alternatives for housing? Could you move back in with your grandfather? Are there any other relatives you could stay with?
    Do you think your mom would go along with the idea of you staying with someone other than her? How would you feel about revisiting this issue with child protective services as an alternative housing possibility? We would welcome the chance to speak with you on our 1-800-runaway 24hr hotline number to discuss some possible options with you. Should you decide to run
    please call us we have a national data base for resources and perhaps there is a runaway shelter in your area. It's important to us that you remain safe and from your viewpoint of why you don't want to go with your mom it's pretty important to you as well, so we hope to hear from you.
    We appreciate you contacting us and expressing you feelings about whats going on in your life. We hope things turn for the better.

    Take care,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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