mentally running away?

[Guest]

This has been happening for a while, but it had decreased a little lately. Its a situation whereI can’t match up to my mom’s expectations. I used to be the perfect child and now that I’m developing I want to branch out my identity, and she won’t let me do anything. It’s trapping and I can’t just run away because I have no skills in the outside world. I want to try mentally running away but if I’m distant my mom will force me to interact or take my devices, thinking I’m talking to “strangers” instead of spending family time. Plus, I’m horrible at masking my frustration when it comes to my siblings and that ends up getting me yelled at. I’ve been buying things for myself to further develop my appearance so I can be comfy as myself. Of course, I wore black nail polish for a couple hours and she instantly forced me to clean it off, and called me a brat and a liar. Fun. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t stay in this physical restriction of my body. I hate it. I feel so gross no matter what I do, and if I find something I can do, she hates it. My mom can be great on days but when shes at her worst I fear for my wellbeing. I can’t express this to anyone because I feel guilty spewing my problems all over them. I guess thats why I’m here where people can just scroll if they don’t wanna see it.

Anyways, yeah, tips to distance myself from my family without getting absolutely shamed for my escapism?

Thanks ^^

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are glad that you are reaching out for help—that takes a lot of bravery. It sounds like you are going through an extremely difficult time right now with life at home. We are sorry to hear that home isn’t a place where you feel supported and loved unconditionally. You deserve to feel safe at home and accepted as you begin to learn about who you are as an individual.

You ask a good question about how to distance yourself without feeling shamed. That is difficult and our heart goes out to you. An idea is to consider if there is anything that you can change right now to reduce time spent at home. Perhaps, join an afterschool program or sports team to reduce the number of hours you have to be home or find an activity or even job that could give you more freedom and less time spent at home. Many towns and cities have organizations such as a “Boys & Girls’ Club” (www.bcga.org or (404) 487-5700 or YMCA ((732) 290-9040) which is a place where you can meet people your age afterschool, enjoy your time, but remain away from home until later in the evening. This may allow you to meet new people in a way that seems “normal” to your mom who may not understand that a “stranger” in the online world is a way to meet people, as well. In other words, you can obtain freedom by doing it in such a way that mom doesn’t feel entirely threatened.

Also, you likely have thought of this before, but if you have any friends or family, or even a school guidance counselor, that you trust and that see you, perhaps you could reach out to regularly, this may help you feel less alone and unseen.

We care about your mental and physical well-being. If you ever have thoughts of hopelessness, and despair, or feelings like you wish to harm yourself, there is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline available 24/7 at 988.

And as you decide your options, if you ever feel unsafe at home, you can always text the word “safe” and your current location (address, city, state) to 4HELP (44357) to get the nearest safe location. Or, text 741741 from anywhere in the US to text with a trained Crisis Counselor. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

Be safe,
NRS