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In the midst of a controlling household

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  • In the midst of a controlling household

    I am 22 years old, still searching for a job within a household containing myself, my grandparents and my mother. Upon my years my mother had controlled nearly every single aspect of my entire life, ever since I was a child. From the things that I would watch all the way down to the kind of friends I’d make. Normally, this could be understandable as means to protect your child from harms way. But she did not stop there. Even within my teenage years and forward she still controlled everything I did. It caused me to isolate, not have much friends growing up. I was restricted on so many things that I barely even did anything with my life. I had to keep some friends secret because anything my mother would perceive as “odd” would tell me to get rid of them. These “odd” things would consist of them either smoking weed or acting a way mother doesn’t like. Usually those people were on the autistic spectrum.
    There was a point in time where she would always go through my phone, spy on everything I was doing despite me being a fully grown adult who knows how to protect themselves. She would always try and control what I did with my life, and is still doing so to this day.
    She controls my body, making me get haircuts and always gets on my case on shaving despite telling her countless times how much I like my hair long, or how much I like my body shaven. But she simply will not listen. As of right now she is forcing me to get one this week. Back to the shorter hair I despised back then. And now once more, will be unhappy with my own body.
    i have really major body dysmorphia, and certain aspects of my body make me uncomfortable, especially hair. And despite trying to tell her how I like my hair, she’s still making me go through with it, because of her mindset of because I have long hair I look like a “bum” and no one will hire me.
    And still, it doesn’t stop there.
    I myself am on the autistic spectrum. I have trouble socializing, I perceive the world a little differently, I’m a bit more slow than others. And my mother knows this. She knows about my setbacks, my faults, and yet despite trying hard to appease her, even the tiniest setback would set her off. Even when I admit to my faults, to my setbacks, and even when trying to explain to her my disorders, she still refuses to listen. Even at one point saying that I was victimizing myself which I don’t get how that’s the case, but whatever I guess.
    She just never listens to anything I have to say. She always goes off her experiences alone instead of trying to understand the other person. And as a result of that, my life has been a living hell. And frankly, I just do not know what I can do anymore.
    Ive been talking of moving in with my father, however, we have no idea if we are financially stable enough to even move states. And my friends live too far away. So I’m stuck in this limbo of moving out on my own terms or simply running away somewhere.
    Its really rough right now. And I don’t know what to do.

  • #2
    Hi there, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you are in a bit of a situation with your mom and with how she always feels the need to control you. It seems you are 22, so with you still living in her house that could make things a bit more complicated, but you are no longer considered a minor, so she should not be able to force you to do anything. It also sounds like you recognize you may have needed to lean on her more at some point in life with being on the autistic spectrum, but you still do not deserve to be controlled the way she is controlling you. It sounds like you have considered moving in with dad, could be helpful to explore that more. Even seeing if friends are options, and with you being 22, you do not need mom’s permission to go anywhere. We could also help find you shelters to stay if that is something you are interested in. For resources or options of what to do, please call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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