I want to move in with a friend or family member.

[Guest]

Hi. I'm Rene. I'm a 14yr highschooler who's been stuck in a very unstable home, where alcohol and weed are present in my daily life. My parents hate each other, refuse to get divorced, I've been traumatized by some of their fights, they're both alcoholics and addicts, and my younger sister is a whole other can of worms. I have seen plenty of things such as physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and much more. I don't wish to get into specifics considering the fact that I am already in a bad headspace dealing with personal problems outside of my home and don't wish to speak upon some of the horrors, but just know, it's gotten bad to the point where I have run away before, but it was a suicide attempt foiled by me chickening out and going to my friend's house, which had informed my mom. Now I live in an awful house that breaks every other day with people whom I cannot stand most of the time. I have told my close friends, who have said they'd love to take me in whenever, wherever, if needed. I just need to find a way to legally get out of this hell without repercussions for me or any families involved.

The issues I also run into is that to get emancipated in my state requires legal consent from the parents, a stable income, and for me to be 16. I can't pay for next year's classes for school, and I'm working hard to leave HS with a degree in the IT field from a program I'm in. I don't want my friends to deal with the possible consequences of having a runaway in their home. There's just so much that I can't just get away with, and now I'm stuck in a hard spot.

So, what can I do at this point? Take the leap and run away to a friend and have the possibility of the family facing legal issues from hiding a runaway, try and find a way to get thrown out, or just call CPS and explain everything? I just need some sort of solution.

[ccsmod10]

Hi. I'm Rene. I'm a 14yr highschooler who's been stuck in a very unstable home, where alcohol and weed are present in my daily life. My parents hate each other, refuse to get divorced, I've been traumatized by some of their fights, they're both alcoholics and addicts, and my younger sister is a whole other can of worms. I have seen plenty of things such as physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and much more. I don't wish to get into specifics considering the fact that I am already in a bad headspace dealing with personal problems outside of my home and don't wish to speak upon some of the horrors, but just know, it's gotten bad to the point where I have run away before, but it was a suicide attempt foiled by me chickening out and going to my friend's house, which had informed my mom. Now I live in an awful house that breaks every other day with people whom I cannot stand most of the time. I have told my close friends, who have said they'd love to take me in whenever, wherever, if needed. I just need to find a way to legally get out of this hell without repercussions for me or any families involved.

The issues I also run into is that to get emancipated in my state requires legal consent from the parents, a stable income, and for me to be 16. I can't pay for next year's classes for school, and I'm working hard to leave HS with a degree in the IT field from a program I'm in. I don't want my friends to deal with the possible consequences of having a runaway in their home. There's just so much that I can't just get away with, and now I'm stuck in a hard spot.

So, what can I do at this point? Take the leap and run away to a friend and have the possibility of the family facing legal issues from hiding a runaway, try and find a way to get thrown out, or just call CPS and explain everything? I just need some sort of solution.

Hi Rene, we're really grateful that you contacted us. It sounds like you have had a LOT on your plate for a really long time; that amount of stress building up without a release or resolution can be really taxing on your mental health. You deserve a space where you feel safe, understood, appreciated, and respected. If you aren't getting that at home right now, we hope that we (or a friend) can provide that.

Everything you described surrounding your parents sounds like very good reason to want to leave. You have options, and whatever choice you make, we are here to help you do it as safely as possible. You do have the option to call CPS and explain everything, like you said. If you don't feel comfortable making the call yourself, we can do so (you would need to call or text chat us), or someone you trust at school (teacher, counselor, etc.) can as well. It might lead to an investigation which could lead to your parents being required to make changes, or potentially lead to you (and your sister possibly) moving somewhere else.

You mentioned that you have friends who've welcomed you to stay with them, but you are worried about potential consequences for them. It's fair and very gracious that you're concerned for their wellbeing when you are the one dealing with all of this. If you did choose to leave home to stay with them, your parents could file a runaway report if they wanted to. It would give police the ability to visit places they thought you were (like a friend's home) and check on you. The way runaway laws are enforced is a bit inconsistent from state to state or county to county. They might simply check on you to see that you were safe; they might try to return you home. If you explained that your home was abusive and described the nature of what goes on there, that might affect their decision as well. If your friend/their family were honest about you staying there it is very unlikely they would be liable for any charges (these mostly are applied when a minor has committed a crime in addition to running away, or if the people housing them lie to law enforcement and say you are not there). If you wanted more certainty about how police would respond, you could look up the non-emergency number for your local law enforcement and call them to talk anonymously about your situation and how they would handle it.

Emancipation, like you highlighted, can be difficult. The requirements for it are pretty hefty (including the ability to financially support yourself, though if you have someone else who would be willing to support you, that might help). It is an option, though. If you want to pursue it, you would want to contact your local courthouse and inquire about initiating the emancipation process.

Lastly, because you mentioned "chickening out" from a suicide attempt, we want to reinforce that the way you're feeling right now is real-- it sounds like you are in a great amount of emotional pain because of your surroundings and the way you've been treated. But it is also temporary. Being in a new environment where you have more freedom and are surrounded by people who treat you differently can/will make a huge difference in your mental health and your quality of life. Choosing not to commit suicide is not cowardly, and it is courageous to talk about it.

Please contact us again any time to talk more about your situation. We are available by phone (1-800-RUN-AWAY), live text chat (1800runaway.org) or by reply on this forum. We are available 24/7 and here to help as best we can. You deserve others on your side, and you don't have to deal with this alone.

NRS