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Living with my BPD mom

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  • Living with my BPD mom

    I hate my mom so much a lot of the time. My mom hasn't been diagnosed with bpd but shows all symptoms. She is manipulative, snaps at me for the smallest things. Says she does things for "my own good" yet they never feel good or help me in any significant way. I can't make the smallest decisions in my life. Im 18 and I still feel like im treated as if I were 11. I want to start making my life my own but she's constantly breathing down my neck. It's terrible. She gaslights me to think my childhood was so perfect and nice just because I had more material things than her but all i really want is to be treated like a human being. She yells at me and constantly judges me and projects her anger and problems onto me. I'm so tired of being her therapist and the only thing she relies on. I'm constantly walking on eggshells around her and she expects me to always forgive her for whatever things and words she may call me and insult me with. I'm her emotional punching bag at this point. I have a boyfriend and our relationship is good aside from the fact that my mom is so involved in my life that she makes decisions for my relationship too. I can't visit my boyfriends parents when I've known him for 6 years. And I can't even leave the house to go to the gym with him. I'm so respectful and quite tame for my age so there's no reason she should distrust me but she's constantly planning out my life for me without care for what I think or want. She didn't have the best childhood and I think this is her way of somehow getting what she never had but I don't want all of this. I want to live my own life. Make my own mistakes. I feel so powerless and I can't handle the manipulation, the gaslighting, the anxiety, the problems, the yelling and constant crying I do because of her. The hard part is that she thinks she's doing everything the best she can but she's not helping me at all. I'm dying inside and I feel guilty for feeling this way because she has her good moments. But those good moments are random and few. It feels like a mind game. I want freedom and peace, my body feels like it's been on survival mode for ages. I can't even bring this up to her because when I have I've just been lectured on how I've had it good and how ungrateful I am. I want to move out but I'm currently about to start college and I can't do it on my own. My circumstances are a bit different and I can't legally work right now so I feel stuck in a living hell disguised as a house. I just wish I could leave and start a life where I decide what mistakes to make and what I wanted for my life. I'm so so tired, she's turned me into a person I don't like. I find myself wishing she were dead sometimes and I know it's so terrible I know. But I don't see a way to escape. I love her yet I hate her so so much. She's had her rough childhood but.i hate her for not ever trying to heal herself for her children and herself.

  • #2
    Hi there, thank you for reaching out and explaining what has been going on. It sounds like things have been rough with your mom and how she treats you and how she is manipulative. You do not deserve to be treated this way at all. It also sounds like you are very understanding of what her childhood may have been and how that could explain her behaviors now, but you as her child are not the one responsible for her healing or her behaviors. Even if she does have her good moments, it sounds like everything else is overwhelming, which is totally understandable. You mentioned that you are 18, but feel as though you are treated like you are 11, which seems unfair. Also with you being 18, you are legally considered an adult, which you means you can leave your mom’s house and go wherever you choose because you are no longer a minor. If you need some assistance with figuring out places you could go, even if that is a shelter or transitional living program (which is like a shelter, but more long term), we can help you locate resources in your area.
    If you would like to discuss this further or would like assistance locating resources, please call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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