I’m 14 and I need to get out of my narcassistic mothers household

[Guest]

Hi. I’m 14 and I’m living with my narcassistic mother I’ve been so blind to see that my whole family has been narcassistic this whole time. Ever since my dad drunk drove me. It’s gone down hill. I don’t talk to him anymore and im stuck at my moms house. She’s making me think I’m the problem all the time and now I’ve started getting angry at her for no reason even if she’s nice. Because behind all that. She’s fake and terrible. Whenever I do the littest thing or don’t do something right she gets mad. Whenever I leave without asking she gets mad. She exspects me to stay at home like I’m on house arrest. The whole summer and I can’t leave because I’ve been “disrespectful” or I have a “bad attitude” she basically is gaslighting me if she’s making me feel like I’m the problem. I think that’s how that works I’m not sure. She uses a lot of tactics such as name calling, belittling and convincing me I’m the problem by replaying the event like she’s a commentator.
and in her own perfect world she can’t see even a little bit that she’s the issue. And a while ago. A few months ago we got into a argument and it was over something stupid. And she came in my room and I got into a corner and she was slapping me somewhat. And covering my mouth because I was yelling for the police or something. And she would always ask me if I was bleeding or had bruises and if I didn’t it didn’t matter. I always thought that was normal until I broke out of the fake reality I’ve been living in and finally realized that she’s a narcassistic. Anyways. She threatens to kick me out or she yells GET OUT at me sometimes and it never happens. But I’m ready to leave. I don’t want to call the cops because she’s going to lie to them. She said once she would call the cops and say I was psychotic and I was out of control if I did soemthing i think I recall. So Im scared to call them. But I need to leave. Im probably buying a storage unit so I can put my stuff in there and then im heading for the homeless shelter as soon as possible (if she kicks me out) so yea. Im tired of living like this. I really need a normal life with loving parents. Who aren’t narcissistic.

[ccsmod10]

Hi. I’m 14 and I’m living with my narcassistic mother I’ve been so blind to see that my whole family has been narcassistic this whole time. Ever since my dad drunk drove me. It’s gone down hill. I don’t talk to him anymore and im stuck at my moms house. She’s making me think I’m the problem all the time and now I’ve started getting angry at her for no reason even if she’s nice. Because behind all that. She’s fake and terrible. Whenever I do the littest thing or don’t do something right she gets mad. Whenever I leave without asking she gets mad. She exspects me to stay at home like I’m on house arrest. The whole summer and I can’t leave because I’ve been “disrespectful” or I have a “bad attitude” she basically is gaslighting me if she’s making me feel like I’m the problem. I think that’s how that works I’m not sure. She uses a lot of tactics such as name calling, belittling and convincing me I’m the problem by replaying the event like she’s a commentator.
and in her own perfect world she can’t see even a little bit that she’s the issue. And a while ago. A few months ago we got into a argument and it was over something stupid. And she came in my room and I got into a corner and she was slapping me somewhat. And covering my mouth because I was yelling for the police or something. And she would always ask me if I was bleeding or had bruises and if I didn’t it didn’t matter. I always thought that was normal until I broke out of the fake reality I’ve been living in and finally realized that she’s a narcassistic. Anyways. She threatens to kick me out or she yells GET OUT at me sometimes and it never happens. But I’m ready to leave. I don’t want to call the cops because she’s going to lie to them. She said once she would call the cops and say I was psychotic and I was out of control if I did soemthing i think I recall. So Im scared to call them. But I need to leave. Im probably buying a storage unit so I can put my stuff in there and then im heading for the homeless shelter as soon as possible (if she kicks me out) so yea. Im tired of living like this. I really need a normal life with loving parents. Who aren’t narcissistic.

Hi there, it sounds like your home situation has been distressing for a number of reasons for a while now. We're sorry to hear you've been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment; it is not what you deserve.

It sounds like your mother has been emotionally abusive for a while, especially if she has been belittling you and calling you names. If she has slapped you and covered your mouth, that is physical abuse, and if she has threatened to kick you out, that is neglect. Any of these are grounds to justifiably report child abuse if you want to; even if it is worrisome, you can also contact 911 if you are in an emergency.

We believe your wellbeing has value and we want you to be in a place you feel safe. If running away is the right choice for you, we can formulate a plan for you to do so as safely as possible. We can reach out to shelters on your behalf. Staying in a storage unit can be very dangerous-- if you decide you must do so, please make sure to consider how you would react in an emergency, including who you would contact and how.

It may be beneficial to talk things through with someone from NRS in our live chat (1800runaway.org) or on the phone (1-800-RUNAWAY). Both services are available 24/7 and are 100% confidential.

You do not have to go through this alone.

Take care and stay safe,
NRS.

[Guest]

Hi my daughters boyfriend is 15 and his older brother is almost 17. These boys are so scared of their father and his abuse they have cried and begged me not to make them go home! They both have claimed they are drugged with sleeping pills at night so they can’t sneak out, they have bars on the windows, and cameras all over the house. They say their dad screams, threatens and beats them if they(for example not talking to their dad or stepmom during dinner. They often go to be hungry because the step mom refuses to make them dinner or let them leave their room to eat.
They have snuck out several times and gotten rides with one of their friends and they get dropped off here (usually in the middle of the night when I am asleep.) As soon as I realize they are here I get up and take them home. I always feel horrible as they sob all the way home. It breaks my heart into pieces! How do I help them?

[ccsmod10]

We're thankful that you are reaching out for help. It sounds like their home has not felt emotionally (and possibly physically) safe to them, and they have been trying to find reprieve wherever they can. Even if you can't let them stay with you when they want to, it's good that you're looking to help them as best you can.

It is possible that it could be beneficial to make a call in to your state's child abuse hotline, or to contact someone from their school and ask them to do so. If you call or live chat us (1800runaway.org) we can do so as well. It sounds like some of their experiences could qualify as abuse and/or neglect, and initiating a report to Child Protective Services could lead to an investigation that could be to the kids' benefit.

If that doesn't seem like the right fit, it might be worthwhile to see if there are other places they can go / activities they can do in your area after school to keep them safely out of the home as much as possible. Community/youth recreation centers, sports or clubs, religious organizations, or simply spending time at another peer's home might be beneficial to them so they don't have to be at home as often.

You (or your daughter) could also suggest they contact us and we can talk things through with them more thoroughly. We will always be nonjudgmental, and follow their lead with what they think the right solution is for them, to help make a change as safely as possible.

Even if you are not able to make any major changes to their lifestyle right now, letting them know that you care, that their wellbeing (physical and emotional) is important to you, and that they have value can be very impactful. Creating space to talk with them about their experience and just listening for the sake of listening, rather than trying to "fix" things, can also be very healing to kids in their situation.

Please feel free to reach out to us again if you'd like to discuss things more.

NRS