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I think i might give up soon

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  • I think i might give up soon

    I hate being apart of my family. My mom died when i was 11 years old so me and my older sister moved in with my dad. I never liked my dad because he was always angry and nothing i ever did was enough for him. Ive never been too good at school, i would always fall behind because i never had motivation to do anything. My mom was my motivation for everything and when she passed away i felt hopeless, empty….dead inside. my older sister was always a straight A student with an above 4.0 gpa and a star athlete.She was the best outcome my dad could’ve ever wished for. Now me on the other hand, i was an academic failure and a mediocre ball player. My dad would constantly yell, cuss, and scream at me whenever i did something wrong or not up to his standard. Nothing was ever good enough for him and he would verbalize that and constantly compare me to my sister. That can be real damaging to a kid. I’m currently 17 years old and i fell behind in my summer course that i chose to take to try and hold a candle to my sister in my dads eyes because she too took these summer courses. I just couldnt do online work, i had no motivation to do it and with online courses that work solely on your pace I completely failed at it. My dad of course got an email from my teacher about my current grade in the class and my missing assignments which led to him flipping out on me, yelling, cussing, degrading me while i was at a friends house house sitting for them while they were gone on a trip. He screamed at me to get “my ass” home. The entire car ride i was thinking about how fed up i was with all of this and decided it was time to not just try to voice my opinion on everything he has put me through but actually do, no matter what. Well the time comes and i tell him how pressured I’ve felt by him to be more like my sister and it resulted with him calling me selfish, gas lighting me, and making me feel like I’m in the wrong. I’m so tired. Ive contemplated running away many times but i just dont think i could pull it off. I’ve come to the conclusion that the best option for me is to just end it. End everything. I need help and i need it soon, if something doesn’t change in my life soon then I’ve decided to go to the top of this Macy’s parking garage in my town and jump. I B.A.C am going to kill myself

  • #2
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


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