Homophobic Mentally Abusive Parents

[Guest]

My parents went through my phone the day after Prom and found out I had gone with this non-binary person I like, and had just begun dating. They belong to the LDS (Mormon) faith and have tried very hard to push this religion onto me. I have found a breaking point where I feel unable to carry on any further. When they found out about this, they took away my phone, and deleted many apps. I was able to save my photos, but was unable to communicate with any of my friends without them seeing all of my messages. So, I did what I thought would work. I got a trap phone, which I used without a number so that I could just message the people that matter to me. I had this phone for just over a week when my mother burst into my room while I was sleeping and found it. She took it away from me, as well as all other ways I had to communicate with anyone outside my home. I have no way to contact any hotlines or the police if worse comes to worse. Last night, my mother was very mad at me. She went out into the garage, which shares a wall with my room, and opened up our family's gun safe. I immediately feared for my life. I burst into tears and started panicking, I hid on my bed, under a blanket while my brother stepped in to make sure nothing happened. I've been threatened that they would hit me before, but they have never gone as far as to actually hit me.
I want to runaway, but I live in Idaho and if I run away and get caught, I will be sent right back to my parents. I've thought about it for a while, but this has really gotten more serious since they found out I am bisexual. They have been very disapproving and strict, and have tried to get me to cut ties with my friends.

I want any suggestions of what to do, as I no longer feel safe at home, but am unable to run away until November of 2024, when I turn 18. I do not want to leave my area, as I love my friends and would break without them. I am doing this on a school computer, so I might not be able to see responses for a little while, but I am grateful for any suggestions.

[ccsmod15]

So glad you reached out to NRS. It sounds like your parents are incredibly strict,very tough, and also very limited in their ability to see anything beyond their strict views. Making you feel unsafe is NOT OKAY. It sounds like you are very clear about the situation and handling things as best as you can. Based on what you’ve shared, it doesn’t seem like they will be willing to consider alternative views. However, it also seems like your brother has your back.

It may be that living with their strict rules and limitations is what it may take for awhile. If there is a school counselor or any adults whom you feel you can trust and confide in, that can help. At this point, being with your friends at school and getting the support you need is incredibly important.

When you do have access to a phone, you may want to try to reach out to the LGBTQ hotline at (88 843-4564 or their website at www.glbthotline.org, or their balkline at 888-246-7743.

If you ever feel threatened again by your parents and fear they will hurt you, you should call the police.

Thank you for reaching out. We are here at NRS 24/7 and you can call or chat anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY or www.1800runaway.org

Good luck.

[Guest]

I’m in a very similar situation, my parents are Mormon as well and try to push their religion on me all the time, even when they don’t make me go to church anymore. My mom is extremely emotionally abusive and only cares about herself, and my dad always takes her side no matter what. My family doesn’t have guns, but my dad has threatened to hit me with his belt several times. He never has hit me with the belt but he has slapped me before, I do know that he hit my older siblings with a belt. They are from his previous marriage and all much older than me, so I’m not very close with any of them.

My partner is also in a really bad family situation and we want to run away together. Neither of us can take living in our houses anymore, and our families make us feel terrible and are the main causes of mental illness.

We want to run away but aren’t sure where to go yet, I’ve considered family members but as I mentioned before, I’m not close with any of my siblings and I also don’t really trust most of my family to not tell my parents. My partner has some family that they are thinking about asking, but they have no way to contact them as their dad took their phone, and he has a camera in their room so they wouldn’t be able to get a backup.

Our families are really terrible and our home environments aren’t good for either of us to get better from mental illness, and my parents are also not accepting of my sexuality or gender identity or of my dating my partner. I’m asking for suggestions on where we can go while we figure out a long term solution.

[ccsmod16]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you and your partner are both struggling with very challenging issues at home. Please know that we are here to support you in whatever way that we can during this difficult time.

Since you and your partner are considering running away, it may be helpful to consider some of the legal issues involved. While we are not legal experts, we can share that in most states, you must be at least 18 years old to leave home without permission from your parent/guardian. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may chose to list you as a runaway with the police. If the police find you, in most cases they will return you home.

Another issue to consider is that any adult you stay with without permission from your parent/guardian may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. If your parent/guardian agrees to let you stay with them, however, you should be able to stay there legally. So, if you or your partner has relatives who might be willing to take you, you might consider whether they might be able to get one or both of your parent/guardians to agree to that arrangement in advance.

You mentioned struggling with mental health issues and that your parents are not accepting of your sexuality, gender identity, or partner. If you think it would be helpful to discuss any of this in more detail, we here at NRS are available 24/7. You can reach us by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or via chat at www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

Another option you might consider is the LGBT National Help Center. It offers many resources to LGBT youth, including a confidential hotline (call 1-888-843-4564). You might want to check out their website to familiarize yourself with the full range of services they offer (https://www.glbthotline.org/).

You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse and being concerned about possible physical abuse. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to Child Protective Services (CPS). To find out more about this option, you could contact Child Help USA (1-800-422-4453; www.childhelp.org). Please note, however, that cases of emotional (as opposed to physical) abuse are typically less likely to be investigated by CPS.

If you’re feel unsafe and that you need to leave home, but don’t have a place to stay, you may wish to visit The National Safeplace website (www.nationalsafeplace.org). This organization provides access to immediate help and supportive resources for youth in need. You can look up your city and state to see if there are any safe places near you listed. You can also use their TXT 4 HELP free service offered to all youth in crisis. Please see their website for full details and available resources.

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail please call 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat soon www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). In the meantime, we wish you and your partner all the best.

Be safe,

NRS