I have a certain situation. I need help please.

[Guest]

hi so im 15 and i am running away no matter what. but i dont know if my situation is valid or not. i've been suicidal for the past year and have tried killing myself several times. ive take tons of pills, i have indents in my arms because of cutting so much, i have a bungee cord in the back of my closet already set up. i have suicide notes written already. i cant stand it here anymore. people here have torn me apart and i cant stay here anymore.
So im not sure if my reasoning is valid or not because i feel as though im being emotionally, verbally, and mentally abused by them. like my will to live is diminishing because of them. i have an "ex step dad" and mom situation. my mom is still married but announced a divorce on November of 2020. on the November 2020 night he shot a gun outside because he was so mad and was cussing her and me out and he was throwing stuff around and what not. i never told anybody at school but i was on the phone with my boyfriend. i was told not to call police by my mom. i wish i had. can i still hold that against him? like if i was to tell my reasoning. because i do not feel safe being here. not because of that reason, but that it could happen again, and of who he is and what he does.
so the ex step dad, he's perverted towards me. one night i was on the phone with my boyfriend and he was yelling at me telling me im a piece of ******** and that i need to get up off my ass and do something with my life. i sat there and didn't say anything. my school counselor said i don't have to talk to him if he makes me uncomfortable. he then proceeds to get on top of me and pull my phone out of my hands and he shatters the back of it, the phone bent inwards. so he broke my phone, got on top of me and grabbed my arms and yelled at me, and so on. and my mom was just standing there like nothing happened. after the whole thing happened, i tried to email my boyfriend, then he called my grandma to say what happened, and my grandma told my mom which came back to me getting in trouble. they all went against me. they said it was no big deal. my mom said it was not even that bad and that i shouldn't be going out telling people. but i do not feel safe. also just to add, this morning he called me worthless. and a couple nights ago he brought up my dad (who is in jail) calling him "a dead beat dad all because he came into my life." i hate him. there's more i just can't think right now.
now my mom. she is manipulative and uses me for her reputation. im tired of being her puppet. she yells at me to get what she wants out of me. and she lets ex step dad do these things to me and she goes to him and says that its my fault when he acts out and screams at me and threatens me. she sympathizes him when he is in the wrong. she refers him as a roommate. and she is fake. she uses me as an advantage. she also has weed and edibles. there's more i just can't think right now.
so if i were to get caught but have reasoning, can i use those happenings and occurrences to be in the okay? because they tire me and just mentally hurt me and verbally and emotionally. i get no emotional help from any of them. none. not even grandparents. i want to cut off all family. nobody helps me. i have a plan for the future and when school is out i plan on putting in action.
please reply to me soon. i would have called but he broke my phone.
btw my plan is greyhound bus, stay at a park, apply at an alternative school, and stay there until legal age. now its not guaranteed but thats just rough draft. i cant just wait until emancipation, i need to leave now. my 16th birthday is in january. i cant wait that long.
please if there's any way you can help me or evaluate a plan with me it would be helpful so so much. please and thank you. <3

[ccsmod10]

hi so im 15 and i am running away no matter what. but i dont know if my situation is valid or not. i've been suicidal for the past year and have tried killing myself several times. ive take tons of pills, i have indents in my arms because of cutting so much, i have a bungee cord in the back of my closet already set up. i have suicide notes written already. i cant stand it here anymore. people here have torn me apart and i cant stay here anymore.
So im not sure if my reasoning is valid or not because i feel as though im being emotionally, verbally, and mentally abused by them. like my will to live is diminishing because of them. i have an "ex step dad" and mom situation. my mom is still married but announced a divorce on November of 2020. on the November 2020 night he shot a gun outside because he was so mad and was cussing her and me out and he was throwing stuff around and what not. i never told anybody at school but i was on the phone with my boyfriend. i was told not to call police by my mom. i wish i had. can i still hold that against him? like if i was to tell my reasoning. because i do not feel safe being here. not because of that reason, but that it could happen again, and of who he is and what he does.
so the ex step dad, he's perverted towards me. one night i was on the phone with my boyfriend and he was yelling at me telling me im a piece of ******** and that i need to get up off my ass and do something with my life. i sat there and didn't say anything. my school counselor said i don't have to talk to him if he makes me uncomfortable. he then proceeds to get on top of me and pull my phone out of my hands and he shatters the back of it, the phone bent inwards. so he broke my phone, got on top of me and grabbed my arms and yelled at me, and so on. and my mom was just standing there like nothing happened. after the whole thing happened, i tried to email my boyfriend, then he called my grandma to say what happened, and my grandma told my mom which came back to me getting in trouble. they all went against me. they said it was no big deal. my mom said it was not even that bad and that i shouldn't be going out telling people. but i do not feel safe. also just to add, this morning he called me worthless. and a couple nights ago he brought up my dad (who is in jail) calling him "a dead beat dad all because he came into my life." i hate him. there's more i just can't think right now.
now my mom. she is manipulative and uses me for her reputation. im tired of being her puppet. she yells at me to get what she wants out of me. and she lets ex step dad do these things to me and she goes to him and says that its my fault when he acts out and screams at me and threatens me. she sympathizes him when he is in the wrong. she refers him as a roommate. and she is fake. she uses me as an advantage. she also has weed and edibles. there's more i just can't think right now.
so if i were to get caught but have reasoning, can i use those happenings and occurrences to be in the okay? because they tire me and just mentally hurt me and verbally and emotionally. i get no emotional help from any of them. none. not even grandparents. i want to cut off all family. nobody helps me. i have a plan for the future and when school is out i plan on putting in action.
please reply to me soon. i would have called but he broke my phone.
btw my plan is greyhound bus, stay at a park, apply at an alternative school, and stay there until legal age. now its not guaranteed but thats just rough draft. i cant just wait until emancipation, i need to leave now. my 16th birthday is in january. i cant wait that long.
please if there's any way you can help me or evaluate a plan with me it would be helpful so so much. please and thank you. <3

We're very glad you reached out to us. It sounds like you've been enduring a lot of abuse for a long time, and accumulating that much stress without any relief can take a very serious toll on your mental and physical health. You do not deserve to be in the situation you are in, and we will try our best to help.

Firstly, if you have suicidal thoughts again, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Their website is www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Even if you can't call them, they have live chat options. Your life has value and we want to keep you safe.

Next, we can file abuse reports of what's been going on at home. It would involve sending information about what's been happening to Child Protective Services so that they might investigate your home life and attempt to move you somewhere safer. If you want to do that, you can live chat us, or talk with a trusted teacher/counselor at school. You can also look up the child abuse reporting number for your state and call yourself if you are comfortable with that.

If you were to run away and your parents filed a runaway report, law enforcement would be notified you were missing and would try to find you, and most likely return you home. It's not guaranteed that's what they would do (the exact details depend on local law enforcement so it can be difficult to predict), but unfortunately our history indicates they usually try to reunite you with your family even if it is not a space where you feel safe.

That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't run away, it is just something to consider. Along with how you will provide for yourself when you leave, how you will get food, water, shelter, medical supplies, and how you will replenish those stocks if they run out.

Running away might be possible but it can also come with a whole new load of stressors. It can be helpful to create a thorough plan before you leave.

We want you to be safe and do what's right for you. Please reach out to us again for further help if you need.