19 & an aspiring runaway

[Guest]

i'm 19 and alot of things have been going on these past few weeks. i started school fall of 2020, midst of the pandemic and i've been doing horribly in these past three semesters. i'm currently at risk of getting disqualified from my school and that is on top of all my issues. my parents have pressured me my whole life to attend school because no one else in my family has. i don't only have school but i have a job and i'm dealing with my own mental health bull********. one of my best friends thinks i have bipolar disorder and i'm not huge on self diagnosis but i believe this could be the case. they have recently attempted suicide and have been admitted and while working a few days ago, someone jumped off the building of one of the apartment complexes next to my job and seeing the body was terrible. i have no health insurance otherwise i would be seeking mental help. i had gotten admitted because a school counselor i used to see was concerned for my safety and had me go to a behavioral health hospital for an evaluation and i rejected inpatient so i wasn't be able to receive help further than that. i have no friends, i don't go out because i'm stressed with school and work. i haven't been able to genuinely enjoy myself in such a long time. my parents dont understand anything about me. i was raped, sexually assaulted by someone who i used to call my best friend and i regularly experience hallucinations but i have to keep my mouth shut because of my brother's recent autism diagnosis so everything else in my life has to be put on hold because my parents dont have any room in their hearts to care for me anymore. when i brought about that i had failed a class to my father in my first semester, he was so angry i just never told him anything about school again. and when my friend had dropped out, he said that he was so sad for her and hopes that i don't end up like her. which makes me so mad because she's doing very well for herself. and you may wonder why can't i just tell them about my mental health problems in the first place. well i did when i was 11 and i was yelled at so terribly i never told them anything about my life ever again. i feel like a stranger in my own home. the reoccurring thought of running away comes up again and i feel closer and closer to doing so because i'd rather do that than tell my parents that i no longer attend school because i am mentally unable to do so. i wish i could go to sleep forever but this might be the next best thing. please help me i have no idea what else to do i feel so stuck.

[ccsmod15]

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that things have been so difficult. It sounds like you the pressure from your parents, school, and a series of traumatic experiences have contributed to your struggle to feel mentally healthy. You brought up several important topics, and while we cannot tell you what to do, we can share information that may help you figure out your next steps.

If you are struggling with your mental health, it may help to explore organizations in your area that either offer sliding scale payment (payments based on your ability to pay), or they may be able to guide you through the process of applying for city, county, or state-specific insurance options that may help you offset the cost of treatment. Organizations like NAMI can help you identify local resources, and can be reached by phone at 1-800-950-6264, by email at [email protected]. You can visit their website at https://www.nami.org/find-support/nami-helpline . If you feel you need to speak with someone more immediately about the trauma you have experienced, organizations like RAIN can help. You can reach them by phone at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or visit their website at https://www.rainn.org/ .

Regarding your desire to leave home, that really depends on the laws in your state. We are not legal experts, but from what we understand, in most states, youth are no longer considered minors past the age of 18. If you are no longer considered a minor in your state, your parents/legal guardians cannot report you as a runaway, and you would be free to move out whenever you felt ready. If this is an option you are considering, it would help to ensure you are able to support yourself independently. For many, this may include exploring the cost of living in your area, including rent, utilities, groceries, and medical expenses. If you are concerned about your ability to support yourself, transitional or independent housing might be an option for you. Their locations can vary by state, and if this is something you are interested in, we encourage you to reach out to us.

Whatever you decide, know that we are here to support you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay as safe as possible as you decide your next steps. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If you would like to talk in more detail with us, our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). We are here to listen, here to help.

Stay safe!
-NRS