I need help. Immediately.

[Guest]

I’ve seen a lot of people here who struggle with their relationships with their mothers. Well, I’m the same. I have a VERY toxic relationship with my mother and it’s to the point where I have thought about suicide and self harmed myself. I am 18 years old. I WANT to be independent, get a job, make big strives for my future but I just can’t! This environment just holds me down. Everytime I try to confide in somebody I get quickly dismissed. “Just get a job” or “that’s all your fault. That’s all on you”. Those are the typical responses. I have no license, I failed high school due to my mother’s toxicity, no job, no friends who would be willing to let me stay. I NEED HELP! My mother has a SEVERE HOARDING PROBLEM and it has torn my life apart. EVERY SINGLE DAY my mother brings home a TON OF USELESS JUNK ITEMS. It ranges from vases, wood, tiles, chairs, sofas, tables etc. This has been going on for the past 2 years and I AM FED UP. The garage at our home is PACKED and our front lawn looks like a tornado struck it because my mother leaves a bunch of useless random junk on the front lawn. That’s how severe her hoarding problem is. She makes me do EVERYTHING around the house, including the tiniest things like making her own food. I feel like a slave in my own home. She is EXTREMELY narcissistic, egotistical, stubborn and just a horrible parent to me for my entire life. Everytime we have an argument she threatens to kick me out the house and I can do NOTHING about it because everybody around me laughs at me, including the system. The only reason I’m alive is because I have discovered my passion for art last year. My passion for art is so powerful that I decided not to take my own life and even decided to stop doing school altogether (not like my mother ever provided me with a stable and secure environment to even DO school in the first place anyway). I discovered my passion for Digital Art when I was living in a hotel after my incompetent mother had gotten our family EVICTED from our home(s) for the 4th time in a row. During this period, I felt like I was alone in the world. I had nothing. I was so depressed I decided to pick up the pen and draw all my thoughts away. Soon I found solace in the only thing that could ever make me happy at that time which was drawing. I’ve had a few people help me at home but nothing long-term since these people don’t stick around for very long. I want to get a license! I want to get a job to sustain a roof over my own head with nobody to tell me what to do or treat me as a slave ever again. I don’t care if I live in deplorable conditions, as long as I am away from my horrible, abusive, toxic mother. I have so much fuel but no spark!! All I want is to get away from her for the rest of my life and focus on my art journey. Imagine if a cop told a suspect “RAISE YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW!” while he actively restrains the suspect’s arms. That’s exactly what my mother is doing. She fails to give me any opportunity to be independent and go out and make strides, yet she threatens to kick me out the house. What am I to do!? Even as I write this message, my mother distracts me with her idiotic, cruel and unusual “chores”. I get absolutely ZERO compensation for any of the things that I have done for her. I’m responsible for making her house the way it is. Without me, she would have none of the things she has now. I know I may be coming off as immature or selfish but I KNOW in my heart I’m right. All I ask is for an opportunity for me to finally be free from this hell of a home. I want to be free from this prison. Please, help me if you can. Even while I wrote this message, my mother sent me over 20 messages on my phone in all caps, giving me 10 paragraphs of an entire list of the stupid JUNK that I need to complete. I AM NOT A SLAVE. I AM NOT CINDERELLA. I NEED HELP. PLEASE HELP ME. Everything I have just typed out is not even a FRACTION of the things that I have to deal with. I don’t want to live in a broken home with a broken family and a mother who can threaten to kick me out at any moment she wants when I don’t comply. I DON’T want to live here anymore. Even if it means leaving my 5 other family members. I wish to leave my broken home but NOT in the manner of being kicked out. I want to leave on my own terms and become 100% independent from her. Please help me make it happen. Baby steps if necessary. It doesn’t matter to me. Just please help me escape. I need life experience, skills, income, but most importantly, I need my happiness. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out to us at NRS! It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation and we appreciate you sharing some of the details about what’s been going on. You don’t deserve to be abused regardless if its physical or emotional and we are sorry you had to experience that. You mentioned that you were having suicidal thoughts before you discovered your passion for digital art. We are glad you found art to help you cope, however if find yourself having anymore suicidal thoughts you can always reach out to 911 if you are in immediate danger or feeling unsafe. In addition, you can always reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929)/ www.runaway.org or The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Since you are 18 years old, you are considered a legal adult and can move out without being reported as a runaway. We are here to help and can help you create a plan for your future by offering resources to help you land on your feet. Moving out is a big step and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take to begin your transition to independence is to find employment if you don’t have an income or start saving money for your moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rent in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. In addition, there may be social services in your area that can help such as Transitional Living Programs, which is a shelter that helps young adults get services to transition to independent living. If you like you can reach out to us for more details. We hope to hear from you soon. Be safe and stay strong