I feel trapped

Hello there,

First, it's great you are talking about what you are going through in a safe place like this. You never need to feel alone no matter how awful you may feel or how bleak things seem to appear. The very fact that you have reached out to us is an indicator that you desire change and that you love yourself enough to want help. That is excellent. We strongly encourage you to hold onto those positive feelings of hope and self-care as you navigate this very early stage of adulthood, this early stage of the rest of your life.

It sounds like your parents are dealing with a lot of their own stresses and personal confusions. It's too bad you have been mistreated along the way, but obviously you don't deserve it and you can't control your parents. Fortunately, you can at least to some extent control your own reactions to this chaos and can chart a course going forward that will eventually lead to your well being and personal fulfillment. Please be patient with yourself and with events as they unfold for you. It may take time, but you can get to where you want to be.

Of course, since you are 18 years old you have the legal right to leave home at any time for any reason whatsoever. You would not be considered a runaway and there would be little your parents could do to stop you. Granted, moving out for the first time can be a daunting prospect and you may feel somewhat uncertain as to what to do going forward. Here are some options you may want to consider:

1) Since you mention you will be starting college soon you may want to look into whatever resources your school has to support you. Most schools offer some sort of counseling, including for mental health. You may also inquire into what resources your school may have in terms of finding housing for you, or even resources that may help you find a job (including a job on campus, perhaps). Also, you may want to look into what sorts of clubs or organizations there are at your school for LGBT+ youth. Networking with others for support is a really great idea.

2) We may have resources that can be of assistance to you in our database, which covers the entire United States. For instance, there may be transitional living programs -- sometimes abbreviated TLP's -- in your area that might help in terms of housing. TLP's are usually longer term than shelters and many youth find they are a good way to transition from living at home to being independent. We also have other resources that you may find helpful: counseling, for instance.

Please feel free to reach out to us anytime for resources or if you'd just like to talk a bit about what's going on and how you're feeling. You can call us at our confidential 24 hour hotline: 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or you can chat with us via the chat feature on our website: www.1800runaway.org. Please know you can get through this -- it is within your power to do so. We are here for you along the way.

All the best,
NRS

I'm 18 years old and turn 19 in less than a month. My family situation is becoming unbearable. My father is an alcoholic and comes home late at night, often yelling about how he hates his job. When he gets really angry, he will talk down to my mother and I. He does not usually remember what he says or does the next morning. I am convinced that he has a mental disorder but he refuses to acknowledge counseling or therapy as a option. This kind of behavior has been going on for years and has worsened as of late as I prepare myself to start college. I do not have the resources yet to move out on my own, which makes me feel trapped. My mental state feels like it's constantly in disarray and my trauma overwhelms me. I am saving money and working towards getting my driver's license and eventually finding a part time job. I am struggling to keep myself motivated and I wonder if I'll be dead before I'm able to leave this place. I don't have any friends or extended family I can turn to for help. I also consider myself apart of the LGBT+ community and do not feel safe living with my parents as they are both very homophobic.

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