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I’m nineteen and want to move out but my dad won’t let me

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  • I’m nineteen and want to move out but my dad won’t let me

    I’m nineteen, turning twenty in a few months and I’ve been planning to move out with my friend soon since I’ve been feeling unsafe living with my alcoholic dad after my mom passed away over six months ago. My dad won’t let me leave, let alone listen to me. He’s trying to separate me from my half-siblings (My siblings and I share the same mom but we have different dads) and he wants me to live with him and his fiancé (He also proposed to this woman shortly after my mom died) basically “forever”. Even when I get married and have kids, he doesn’t want me leaving his side. I know I’m an adult and I can just move out lawfully and not be labeled as a missing kid or whatever, but I am very scared of my dad. He’s never hurt me physically but he’s very unhinged and on multiple occasions he’s threatened to shoot anybody that would cause me any harm or trouble. He threatened to shoot my mom when she was alive and I was there to see and hear it, so the thought of him finding me or shooting my siblings or anything of the sort is what’s keeping me from getting away from him. I told him that I needed therapy and he replied with “what’s that?” so I’m just feeling incredibly hopeless and stressed right now. I can’t rely on my siblings because they still believe that I can “control” my dad and that he’ll listen to me. Clearly that’s not the case. I just want to rid myself of my entire family because no matter where I go, or which family member I’m with, I’ll always feel unsafe.

  • #2
    Hi,
    Thank you for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like you are in a very stressful, scary, difficult situation with your dad being so volatile, especially when drinking. It's unreasonable for your family members to think that you can "control" him. No one can control another person like that, and you don't deserve, nor should you be expected to sacrifice your life for him.
    It's understandable to want to leave and to have little to no contact with other family members; and it sounds like for your security, and theirs, that might be a good option.
    While domestic violence is is technically between intimate partners, you might benefit from reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, www.thehotline.org at 800-799-7233 and talk to them about making a safety plan to leave a dangerous situation. We can help you with that too, but they are experts at safety plans.
    If you do decide to leave, you can ask police to come and escort you out and perhaps think about changing phones so no one has your number and keeping your new address secret. These are things to discuss with NDVH, if you choose to reach out to them.
    You do deserve your life in safety. You also deserve to set the boundaries with other family members that feel right to you. Your first responsibility is to yourself and your safety and security.
    If you'd like to talk with us further, please call our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat us through this website.
    We wish you the best of luck.
    Sincerely,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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