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i don't know what to do

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  • i don't know what to do

    Last night, I got into a big fight with my family. Mind you, my bike had broken down before this, and I was forced to walk it home. This process got me in a very bad mood as it was about to reach 9pm and I still hadn't made it home yet. I missed my curfew, and I was stressed about how I could get home to my family on time so that they'd take it easy on me. When I got home, my mom had asked me why I had gone outside in the first place. I had answered her in a rude tone saying "you let me go out in the first place, why is it a problem now?" I know that my attitude needed an adjustment; it's something I've struggled with for most of my life, but sometimes people can be very annoying (especially my parents). In order for me to go outside in the first place, my mom had to leave work early and come back home to watch my siblings. Let me give you another background story: Unless my older sister is at home, I have to watch over my little siblings, and my older brother is practically useless. He won't ever take the time to see that I'm always doing everything he should try to be doing around the house. Mind you, he's almost 18. So because my mom left work early she got upset with me because she believes that I shouldn't have gone outside, instead let her work. I understand my parents work so hard to keep a roof over our head, but they don't need to work as much as they think they have to. I've never travelled anywhere outside my state in my entire life, and for me to go outside to see a couple of friends is a problem (I'm still in very close proximity of them anyways). It's the little things I do that my parents take as a huge offense and think that I'm stepping out of line. Afterwards, my dad called me a "selfish little brat" and my mom joined in and began to yell it at me in my face. I then retaliated by yelling back at them saying that "I'm not a selfish brat, if anything I'm selfless. I do more than any of your other children do in this house." I try to remain calm while talking to my parents, but they're toxic ideology of a "good parent" can really can make me step out of line. They think they're such great parents, but they're the exact reason my family is tearing apart. After this, my dad hit me multiple times on my body. I didn't cry, but I got angry. I understand I yelled at them (which I shouldn't have done), but they shouldn't have added fuel to the fire by getting me upset and forcing that reaction out of me. So now (this morning) they think I'm an idiot who should go live in a shelter and be walked out by the police. This is something common they say, but I actually want them to call the police since I can finally bring out the truth about the toxic people they really are. I feel bad for my little 2 siblings since they have to see all of this happen, but what can I do? I argue to better their life in this house, hoping that I can one day make my parents see all the bad things they do. Sometimes I want to hurt myself, or I wish they were hurt in some tragic accident, but I get upset with myself because this is a level of emotional abuse that not one of my closest friends will ever understand, and I can't do anything but stay put and silent. I'm grateful for all the things my parents gives me (like a phone, iPad, computer, etc.) but that doesn't cover up the fact that internally they're both toxic people that I cannot live around. I have to get out, but the law in my state doesn't allow runaways my age to leave, so I don't know how to help myself. I can't file for emancipation, but I just pray to God that he'll help my parents see all the damaging things they've done to me and the rest of my siblings in our lives and try to correct it before it's too late.

  • #2
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide or self-harm if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We understand it can be difficult to talk to friends about your thoughts when it comes to your parents, since they haven’t gone through a similar experience. There are people out there who understand and are willing to help.
    You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

    If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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