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Am I overreacting? I have no one else to turn to.

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  • Am I overreacting? I have no one else to turn to.

    Hello, moderators and runaways alike. I'm going through a really tough time right now. Tension has been building for a while now, and I feel like I might implode.

    Three weeks ago my mom almost crashed the car over a spilled tea. She hit my dad in the face while he was driving and made the car swerve. Since then, she's become more and more manipulative and hurtful. My father has been doing the same thing, guilt-tripping, threatening to hurt us or himself, threatening to leave. Today, she hit my little sister so hard I could hear it across the house. My dad threatened to kill himself because my little sister wouldn't go to sleep on time for school. He threatened to leave. He threatened to hurt my little sister. He threatened to break her things.

    This isn't just the first instance of them hurting us emotionally and physically. About a year ago, my mother crashed the car with me in it. She claims it was an accident, but she told my dad she overdosed on pills. It was a miracle I even survived. My mother once punched me in the chest ten times for taking a couple of pieces of my little sister's cereal when I was younger. She threatens to kill herself if I ever bring any of it up. She uses me as a therapist, and I just can't take it anymore.

    My dad is violent. He breaks things. He likes to slide his hands across my mom's dresser and smash all her things. He "blacks out" when he's angry. He threatens to leave and kill himself almost every week. He acts really nice afterward. He told me he didn't love me anymore and that he hates when I speak. He told me that my opinions weren't even valued anymore and that I should stop talking. My mom just helps him hurt my feelings. He calls me a ********** and a retard for having Autism.

    The thing is... Am I overreacting? Am I really just crazy? I've never been physically hurt recently. It's my little sister that gets smacked for acting "badly" but I'm not even sure that's the case anymore. She's seven and afraid to sleep on her own. Mom hit her for crying. I just want my little sister to be safe. I want to runaway. Actually, I want to do things that I will not mention here for fear of being committed to the psychiatric ward. (It's self-harm.) That's silly, isn't it? All my life I've been afraid of CPS and the psych ward, but now they seem like the only things I can turn to. I know this forum is anonymous, but you can never be too careful.

    I've developed that one skin-picking disorder. I can't remember the name of it. My arms are heavily scarred and my dad says they're gross. My once white skin has been turned brown and pink from scar tissue. I'm still not sure if I'm being crazy. My mom says that if I say anything, I'll be committed to the psych ward on a 72 hour involuntary hold. I want to hurt myself. I want to hurt myself badly. I know they never physically abuse me anymore but I've reached my limit. I'm so numb. I can't cry anymore. I'm not going to hurt myself because my little sister needs me.

    I don't have a plan to run away. I can't stand the outdoors. I'm considering selling my body and going hungry, if need be. I don't know if I can take my little sister. I don't want to go to jail for kidnapping, but is it really kidnapping if I'm getting help for an abusive situation? I'm going insane. My head hurts so bad from clenching my teeth.

    The thing is, I don't even know if escaping will be better. I have multiple illnesses that will progress without medications. I need knee surgery to reset both my femurs and replace the metal plates in my legs. My arthritis will deform my hands if I stop taking my medicine. My genetic disease will leave me with painful sores and open fissures. I'm willing to risk it all for my little sister. She's the only thing keeping me here. Now that they've started hurting her, I feel like I can finally leave this place behind with her.

    Does CPS even help? I heard it makes it worse. My friend is in an abusive family and he said CPS makes it worse too. He asked me to run away with him. I considered saying yes.

    Please tell me I'm not overreacting. I want for that to be true. I don't want to be insane. My family says that I'm insane, but my friends call it abuse. I'm torn. My extended family will side with my parents and I'll have nothing. I'm not even finished with school. Tonight I begged God for help and I haven't received an answer yet. I just want my struggles to be validated. I want to help my sister.

    So, here I am, begging a group of strangers for advice. I considered asking my favorite teacher, but I'm doubtful. The last time I reported abuse to a teacher she just said it "it sucks, but there's nothing I can do!" And she never reported it. I really hope one of you can give me some advice.

    ​​​​​An Anonymous 15-Year-Old

  • #2
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


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