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Running Away and Never Turning Back

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  • Running Away and Never Turning Back

    Hello, I apologize this might be a little long but I need some advice. Okay, I'm a female and I'm going to be turning 15 next year. I've been thinking about running away for a while now, and I sorta have a plan now. So the reason(s) I want to run away is mainly because of my mother and her "perfect" boyfriend. So, my mother didn't come back into my life until I was probably about 10 years old. It was always my nana and my great-grandmother taking care of me. I saw my mom like for birthdays and things like that but she never had full "custody" over me, and she did that voluntarily. My mother got me back for good at the beginning of last year. We moved into this apartment, my mother was never perfect but she tried to do better. In July my nana passed away. It left everybody devastated. My mother had been talking and seeing all these men to cope with the death of my nana. Yes, it doesn't sound that bad because she's an adult and she can do whatever she wants, but that's not it. While she was doing all of that, she was bring me all in the mix. It was a very toxic environment and it was affecting me mentally and emotionally. Mind you she took my phone when I was starting 7th grade and now I'm almost done with 8th grade, going into high school. She still hasn't given me my phone back, keep that in mind. So around New Year's Eve, she started messing with this guy named Kris which is now her "perfect" boyfriend. I wasn't very open to him because I don't trust males in my life. I only trust my poppa, my uncles, my father who is incarcerated, and my really good friend that I knew since I was 9. So my mother and Kris had left and gone back to the apartment. I was at my nana's house for New Year's Eve. So I stayed a couple of days over there just to spend some quality time with my great-grandmother. My mother comes back to pick me up a couple of days later and of course...Kris is in the car with her. So she pulls me into the garage and asks me specifically "Do you mind if Kris spends the night over at the apartment", and I said I didn't care because it would only be for one night, but of course it didn't turn out that way. That one night turned into a month, 2 months, 3 months, and now going into 4 months. She moved him in without even asking me! I'm lost for words at this point. Ever since he moved in everything changed. My mother then started neglecting me and acting differently. He goes with us everywhere. She's always in the room with him, never coming into my room or asking me if I want to spend quality time with her. Even when I do try to spend time with her she's always too busy focused on him. He is not someone I want in my life and the fact that she is letting him do whatever he wants I honestly don't want her in my life either. One night, they got really drunk in front of me. They came out and started play fighting or whatever. I had a really bad vibe about the whole situation so I told them that they needed to calm down and of course, they didn't listen. My mother went into the bathroom and Kris walked in after her. He walked out super mad and went into the other room. My mother then walked out and followed him. They started arguing in the other room and he started breaking my mother's things. Throwing glass on the ground, punching holes in the walls, everything you can think of. I was in the living room listening to all of this. Mind you, she hasn't given me my phone back so I had no one to talk to or no one to be able to call. She walks out and Kris runs after her putting her in a chokehold. He stops when he sees that I see that he is hitting on her. She says I have to go to bed so that's what I do just listening to my mother. Then they start fighting in the middle room which is right next to my bedroom. I didn't know what to do. I was scared and worried and had all these thoughts. DO I jump out my window and try to get help?!?! What do I do?!?! My mind was going crazy. Then I hear punches like I can hear them hitting each other. So, I put on my shoes and run in the middle room and my mother's shirt is completely ripped off of her and there both bruised up, there still fighting when I walk into the room so I try to push him out of the room, while I was trying to do that my mother throws this big fan and it ends up hitting me in my head, at that point, I was over the whole situation. I end up getting him out of the room and she started screaming at me as if I did something wrong. So I just walk into my room and let them do whatever they're gonna do. I was just numb. I couldn't take it anymore. It just didn't concern me anymore. She ends up coming into my room and said that it wasn't supposed to happen like that I just didn't respond. The night goes on and he leaves with all his stuff the next morning. I think he's finally gone. About 2 days later he comes back, he starts drinking again and they argue and fight and he leaves again. This is the time I really thought he was finally gone. He was gone for 3 days, and of course, my mother lets him back in. At this point, I'm so done with this. I talk to my other family and they think that it's a bad idea that I'm living with her in this household. It's so toxic and it really has changed me. Every night I cry missing my dad and my Nana because that was the only people I could really run to. It was at a point to where I was suicidal..cutting myself. I made the dumb mistake of losing my virginity and my mother holds that against me.. She calls me a slut, and that I'm disgusting, and all these other names. She yells at me for the one bad thing I did but she's steady talking to me about it, talking about pills that make guys better at sex and how she has sex with Kris and all this other stuff. She yells at me for the littlest thing like losing a pin tack, she calls me a dumb b****, and names like that. This isn't even all of everything I go through but that's enough for now. I'm very mature and I can handle my own. I've talked to my really good friend who I knew since I was like 9. I'm turning 15 next year and he's turning 17 next year. He was a runaway himself and his parent (his dad) who passed away never called the cops because he wanted him to just be free and let him do whatever was gonna help him be better. He has his own room and everything that his mother got for him. He thinks it's a good idea if I stayed with him, he would have a roof over my head, he could even get me a little job so I'm able to support myself financially. I have a plan to run away and go to LA to him. Get a little job and prove to myself that I'm able to support myself, then I could go file a petition for emancipation and see where it goes from there. I would still like to go to school and get my education. I think this is a better choice for me than staying with any of my family because everything is gonna stay the same no matter what. Nothing changes no matter what I do. I just need time to get away for good, and maybe I will think about coming back to see my family. I do have some questions so I hope you can answer these for me...

    - If my mother doesn't file a missing or runaway report for me would the police still be after me?
    - Would I still be able to attend school as a runaway if my mother doesn't file a missing person report? And how would I be able to without my parent's signature?
    - Would I need a lawyer to try and get emancipated?
    - Can runaways get jobs?

    That's all for now, please respond as soon as possible, thank you!

  • #2
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It sounds like there have been a lot of big changes in your life from the move to Kris to your nana passing. We're so sorry for your loss, we know it can be really painful to lose a loved one. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

    To address some of your questions, we aren't legal experts here at NRS, but emancipation laws vary from state to state and usually having legal counsel is easiest to navigate these waters. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out If your mother does not file a runaway report then it is assumed that she has given you permission and the police will not look for you. That being said, she can revoke this permission and file a runaway report at any time. Different states and different companies have their own rules regarding employment for minors so you may want to speak with your potential place of employment directly about their rules and regulations.

    If you do opt to leave home or find yourself to be homeless you still have the right to your education under what’s called the McKinney-Vento act. This act guarantees you the right to stay in your original school and be provided transportation to and from school (to the extent possible), enrollment in a school in your area, receive free school meals, and to receive services like educational supports and basic needs. To find out more about how to take advantage of the McKinney-Vento act we suggest calling your school directly.

    You mentioned the physical fight that your mom and Kris had and that you wound up getting hurt because of it and it raises a lot of concern for your safety. If you are currently at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 (if you can access someone's phone) or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,


    We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey:
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      Aw, thank you so much for responding. This helped me a lot. I don't think it's necessary to call the police. I have a few other questions though if you don't mind..

      - So with the Mckinney-Vento act and I still want to go to school how would I even be able to do that? Wouldnt my parents have to register me or could his mother register me or can I do it all myself?
      - Also is there any type of free lawyers for emancipation, I remember seeing it somewhere and now I can't remember
      - On the emancipation petition it asks for my mother's consent, is that mandatory or is there a way to take her to court and fight for it?


      • ccsmod3
        ccsmod3 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello again!

        Generally speaking, you'd be able to enroll in school immediately as an unaccompanied youth under the Mckinney-Vento Act. You can learn more about the McKinney-Vento Act here:

        As far as emancipation goes, you may be able to find a free attorney to help. You may also be able to work through the process on your own, and there are resources available online to help. And because the emancipation process varies by state, we can't answer any specific questions here on our forum. If you'd like to talk in more detail about your specific situation, including the emancipation process and potential resources in your area, please reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.


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