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I don't want to live with my Father - Urgent: 13 year old- I will suicide or runaway

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  • I don't want to live with my Father - Urgent: 13 year old- I will suicide or runaway

    Its been a lot of time now, My father has been *** for around 15 years to my mom and me (I am 13). He always wants things his way, to give an example: If my school test is going on- he would just come in the room and talk or disturb me without any relevant reason, which irritates me because I lose my focus... But just yesterday he was just doing some regular office work and was in a quite pleasant mood, I just went in to ask my mother something in the room (She was sitting beside him) and he kind of shouts at me that he is "busy" and can't focus (Doesn't think about what he does when I am ACTUALLY BUSY). So I went back to my room. A few minutes later I see that he is going to the washroom so I went there to ask something to my mom, he just comes out of the washroom and starts watching tv- so I think that he wasn't busy now so I started talking to my mom about some important things (I was suffering from asthma so I was asking her what all can I do to breathe properly). But then my grandmother (Paternal) asks my father what is he going to eat and he shouts at her that "I AM NOT GOING TO EAT ANYTHING" and then he starts swearing that I am not letting him work with focus, he calls me ***. So then I though that he didn't even ask me or tell me that he is gonna work, he straightway went to the tv, so I just stopped my discussion with mom and went. He looks at me furiously so I try to ignore him. Then he shouts at my mom that she was talking to me rather than helping him (My mom was actually doing 50% of his work and he was just sitting and typing what my mom said), so my mom said that she was helping him and telling him all the things and then they both shout at each other but then my father harshly pushes and kicks my mom out of the room (My mom was furious about the way he treated her right now, so she kicked the door) me and my mom went to gym and when we came back- my father says that he is very angry at me and that I shouldn't have dinner in front of him so I go to my room but then he tells my mother she shouldn't sit in front of him because she is on my "SIDE" . So she argued that what's the big deal if a child comes to talk to his mother but then my father starts talking non-sense and shouts again. My mom comes with me and we both do our school/office work to get distracted from that him. he then comes in the room, shuts my pc down harshly and switches off the light to show how we were disturbing him, but then my mom yells that we weren't doing anything like this and he also disturbs us a lot during our work but we don't say anything, but then my father uses his *** irritating logical fallacy where he wouldn't let us speak and try to prove his point using baseless points. Then he disturbs us again and again during the night. I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking what a **** my father was being, He can disturb us whenever he **** wants to but we cannot even talk or come in his room. So this morning he shouts again that we shouldn't ask him for help now because we don't help him at all. First of all I would like to tell something that My father never helps me or my mother in our work because he says He doesn't know anything and when we tell him to at least come and see - he sings his non sensical song and goes away but when he is working and has a smallest problem like the Wi-Fi isn't connecting or his chair isn't going up or down- he calls me in middle of my monthly tests to solve them saying - it will only take a minute son, come and see- so I go but when I go he solves the problem on his own and tell me to go but then he will call again in 5 mins about a small issue. This is very irritating and frustrating for me, he also never takes part in my school things or ever asks me how I am doing or even hug me which he used to do around 4 years ago, but when it comes to a small thing- he makes it a very very big deal as he has the opportunity to shout. I have been thinking of committing a suicide but I neither have the guts or the will to be separated form my mother. in short my doesn't love me and thinks of me as a thing to spend money on which makes me feel not a part of the family and a financial liability on him. Whenever he is agry- he says stuff that can actually hurt a person like- once he asked me to help him in a stupid problem (His laptop wasn't charging because *** forgot to plug the charger in) but then I told him that I will be there in a minute as I urgently have to go to the washroom- but then he mumbles "Whenever you want help- you come begging with your coin pot but when I need help - you go and show attitude" This thing really hit me and pissed me off that he doesn't look at me as his son but as an investment in which he has to put in money and who he never loves. I am sick and tired of this- i know sometimes i can be annoying -its just human nature but then I can't handle this anymore- I talk to my friends about it but it's very difficult to live and deal with him. I want help please- if this goes on for another year or so- I am considering running away from home but then I know I have no experience in life and there will a lot of struggle and Maybe i won't be able to deal with it and die of hunger.. So as my last options I was thinking of taking my life and writing a suicide note about what I feel about my "DAD" and tell him that it wasn't my mom's fault most of the time and he should consider going to a therapist as he is a mental case to me. I also talk to my mom (I am very close with her) about how she shouldn't have gone for arrange marriage and should've gone for love marriage as it's not only about the kissing and all (Stereotypes) its mainly about marrying the person who you think is suitable, fun, and you love them and care for them: first you date, live and then marry, arrange marriages are so random and baseless: 2 oldies sitting and making the biggest life decision for you even though the people marrying don't know about each other; when my dad went to see my mom: his family (paternal grandfather and grandmother) acted like they were so noble and caring but when my mom married him and went to his home; my paternal grandparents treated her so badly like she was a beggar: she was supposed to drive 4 hours total in a day to go and come from her job which made her sick everyday but there was no solution as my dad's job was 15 minutes away and the house was and still is male-dominated- when my mom was sick: she had to do ALL the chores and go to the office which made her life miserable, plus my grandparents used to blame her for every smallest issue in the house which made her suicidal and when she was pregnant and not supposed to do ANY work and REST ONLY according to the doctor: my father used to beat my mom or slap her as my grandmother used to blame her for every issue. When my mom told me all this: I was so furious over my father that I seriously wanted to kill him and his mom, I know I am not supposed to come in between my parents' issue but when I see my mom treated like this: I just want to runaway after killing my father. Whenever he shouts or behaves in the bad way: I punch the wall as the pain makes my anger go away for sometime, but I actually punch so hard that my right hand's bones are making noise whenever I do some small work like typing or anything. I know I have written a lot of things and most of you people wouldn't care to read all of this but I had to vent all of this out otherwise I would've hurt myself over the emotional stress. I NEED SERIOUS HELP, I AM NOT ABLE TO HANDLE THIS ANYMORE NOW, I WANT HIM TO CHANGE but I can't just talk to him about this otherwise he would take the opportunity to scold and be mad at me. PLEASE! If any of you read this: share your views, feedback and the way I should go about this. Just to vent some more things out: My grandmother obviously doesn't like my mother so she deliberately does things to make a chaos in the house which indirectly forces my father to shout at my mom as he "HAS TO PROTECT HIS MOM AND TAKE HER SIDE" My father also straightforwardly tells me that I am on my mom's side a lot and don't try to see from his side: but if I be honest- his side is 98% wrong but he just does anything to prove himself right- so I told him- imagine your father hitting and treating your mother (My grandmother) badly: what would you do- then he just tries to avoid the question by doing something or talking about something else to divert me. He always takes his mother's side which is isn't wrong but he also doesn't see anything from my mom's viewpoint and shouts on her even if his mother is totally wrong. I am done now, I feel a bit better by writing all this down and please help me with this issue. Please ignore any writing errors as I don't give a *** about them right now. Please excuse my language as I am very furious and sad as I wrote this.

    -M A (India) (Age:13)
    Urgent help needed
    Last edited by ccsmod1; 04-11-2021, 08:40 AM.

  • #2
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

    It sounds like things at home are reaching a boiling point and you've been struggling with implementing positive ways to deal with these feelings. It may be a good idea to try journaling, drawing, other crafting activities, meditation, or exercise as a way to recenter yourself when feeling overwhelmed about the situation with your dad. We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

    Be safe,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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    • #3
      Oh I am sorry, I wasn't aware that this Organization is bound to the laws in USA. I am trying to express my feelings through writing a poem.. Thanks a lot for the help although the Indian Organization doesn't care about what children are facing, they don't have any forum where children can actually try and express their problems. They never respond to any emails and their number is always busy. I wish we had such a responsive organization in India too. Thanks Again.

      Comment

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