I can't deal with my mom anymore.

[Guest]

My mom and I have fighting with each other my whole life. She's started telling me that she doesn't like me and keeps reminding me of how thin I am. My dad has started making fun of me for how thin I am and calling me names. I've just been nothing but sad and wanting to kill myself for the past few years. I feel unsafe at home and want to call a suicide hotline but I'm too scared my mom will find out and think I'm crazy or get mad at me. The only thing keeping me here is some online friends which I'm scared she'll find and take from me. My closest one is on a long hiatus and he helped me so much. My mom scares me so much when she yells and everything she's said to me repeats in my head. I have daydreams about being taken out of this house everyday. My parents make me feel so useless and ugly. I'm 12 so there's still quite some time before I can move out. I know that there's so much waiting ahead for me so I can't die yet, but I don't know if I can take it much longer.

[ccsmod3]

Hey there. Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step.

It sounds like things at home have been pretty difficult, and we're sorry to hear that. It can be tough to have a tumultuous relationship with a parent, especially when we're also struggling with thoughts of suicide and/or self harm. You're very brave for reaching out. Based on what you've described, it might be helpful for you to consider looking into therapy. Having a support system in place to help when things are feeling really heavy and overwhelming can really be beneficial in repairing relationships, but also in working on and healing ourselves individually. A therapist can also help you develop some of the tools needed to address some of the issues you're having with your mom, or even help facilitate those conversations so that you feel comfortable and supported throughout. If this is something you're open to, a good starting point in finding a therapist is to reach out to your school counselor or social worker. Sometimes you can see them for a few sessions before looping your parents in, and they can also help advocate for you to maintain ongoing services if your parents are hesitant about letting you see a mental health professional.

Talking to someone through a hotline can be helpful too, though sometimes phone access is limited or folks are concerned about someone finding out that they've been utilizing those services. For these reasons, many hotlines offer virtual support through chats. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is one of these orgs, so if you find yourself needing some immediate support because of the thoughts you're having, you can reach out to them through their chat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org. And the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers text support if you text NAMI to 741741.

If you'd like to chat in more detail or continue to explore options with us, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

Take care.

NRS