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  • I need some advice

    My life is just one big screw up. Ever since I was five, I've had to suffer torment, from both my peers and my family. But things really started getting bad about two years ago. I tried to tell a good friend at camp how my parents had a habit of making me lie down on a bed and swatting me with a wooden paddle across the thighs really hard whenever I misbehaved. When services were called though, my parents got hysterical and went crazy over getting a lawyer and all that crap. They basically told the lawyer that they had never done any of the stuff I mentioned and the lawyer dismissed them, telling them they were good parents. Things started up again a year later when I got depressed and sought my conseuler for advice. When she called my parents, though, they again got angry at me for telling 'strangers' stuff that I shouldn't be telling them. The pressures of school, friends not caring about me, and my parents acting like this made me want to kill myself. One day, I got so depressed and suicidal that my conseluer sent me to a hospital w/o my parents' permission. After I got out, they started going down on me even harder, calling me 'crazy' because I was depressed.
    My mom is constantly telling me that she wants me to feel better, but she's not letting me get any outside help. She just wants me to get better right away because if I even look depressed to her she says I'm a crazy lunatic who will end up in a mental place for the rest of my life. She constantly questions me, "Are you depressed?" If I say yes, then she says, "No, you're not depressed, depressed people are crazy!!" I've tried turning towards my dad for support but he just ignores my feelings completely. I almost cry in front of him and he keeps playing his game, saying, "Crying's not going to help you. Leave and don't come back till you're no longer depressed." Or he would just say something like, "Oh, it's not your depression again, isn't it?" The way he responds makes me never want to be around him, EVER.
    Then, to make things even worse, in order to fix my 'problem', my parents decided to have our family relocate to a town 500 miles away. I've already had enough problems in my life and all I want to happen is for life to go back to the way it was. My mom's reason for moving is because she thinks the consleuers here who are trying to help and support me are ‘bothering’ me. She says I’m now a victim in their system and that there was no way I could ever live a normal life or have a normal future if I stay in my hometown. And my dad knew that if he bought a new house, we’d be poor, but like a fool, he bought the house anyway cuz he also thought that the whole reason for moving was my fault. It’s like he’s saying I never should’ve gotten depressed or gotten help for my problems. Anytime I write anything to anyone or talk with anyone on the phone, my mom has to be right there, making crazy faces whenever I even talk about my casual life to my friends. I wish we never moved: I have no friends, we all lay around the house all day, and the only place we go to eat are fast food joints. All with them reminding me of my flaws 24/7.
    I’m running away first thing in the morning. My mom thinks I’m a mental problem, my dad couldn’t care less about what happens to me or my relationships with my friends and I wanna die. Nobody really cares much for me anyway: I’m not anyone’s best friend, no boyfriend, everyone would rather be with anyone else but me. But I’d rather be anywhere than with a mother who thinks her child is nothing more than a crazy lunatic.

  • #2
    Re: I need some advice

    Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. We are sorry to hear that things are difficult for you right now; it can be hard to talk about what’s going on, especially without support from your parents.

    Nobody deserves to feel unsafe in their home. It can be hard to continue to reach out to people when it seems like nothing is changing. If you continue to do that though, things may begin to change.

    You mentioned that your parents used to ‘swat you with a wooden paddle’, do they still do that? Do you think that next time they do, you would be able to take pictures of any marks or bruises they left? If you can, this may help you if social services are contacted again. If not, continuing to talk about what is going on and how you are feeling may help you.

    You also said that your mom tells you she wants you to get better but she doesn’t allow you to get outside help. Did she ever tell you why? Maybe talking to her one on one would help; she may better understand how you are feeling and that talking to someone would help you to feel better. Or maybe talking to your counselor in your new school would help you to feel better.

    It must be hard to hear your dad say those things to you when you are feeling depressed. Do you think that maybe talking to him would help him better understand?

    It can be very difficult to have to move so far away from your hometown. How long ago did you move? Maybe you will start to feel more comfortable once school starts. You may start to meet new people and make some new friends.

    What are some things that you enjoy doing? Your school may offer some extracurricular activities involving them. Or maybe they are just some things that you can do when you start to feel depressed.

    There are hotlines available that you can call whenever you need to talk to someone about what is going on. If you are unable to call them from home, then most of them have 1-800 numbers that you can call using a payphone and it would be free of charge. They may also have a website that you can visit (like ours).

    One of these numbers is the National Suicide Hotline; their number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). They also have a website (www.suicidehotlines.com) which can explain what to expect when you call and help you to find a local hotline number. There is also a website called To Write Love on Her Arms (www.twloha.org); they don’t have a hotline number but they can also help you find local resources or other websites.

    You can also call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are a confidential and anonymous crisis line for youth. We can also assist you with making an abuse report, finding a safe place to stay or to discuss your other options but we can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. We also have a message service if you wanted to leave a message for your parents or we can help you make a conference call to them.

    You said that you are planning on running in the morning. Where are you going to go? If you do leave, you can contact us here and we can help you to remain safe. Remember, we are confidential and anonymous. We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck!

    ~NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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