Abuse...

[Guest]

Hi I'm ***** but I go by *****, This is gonna be a bit long so please stay and read because I really need help.
Growing up my parents where really abusive, they would beat me nearly to death. My dad once threw me across the room when I was 5 and I almost died that day. Me and my 2 sisters got taken from our home 3 times and children services said the 4th time would be permanent. So the abuse became mental. And as someone who has been beaten, Mental abuse is way worse then psychical because at least scars heal.
growing up in PA I had a pretty decent family size. I had alot of support until my grandma died of cancer, uncle flipped off a cliff, aunt killed herself and let me tell you she was like my mother she was everything to me and losing her broke me. My family abused her until she couldn't take the pain anymore. Everyone I loved died and I was stuck with my abusive parents. We moved all around the country and I never got to stick in 1 place and make friends. We finally moved to Georgia and have been here for a long time. I've grown old enough to know I'm being abused and I've tried so hard to get out but I can't I'm stuck here and it's driving me mentally insane. I've tried to kill myself countless times and it never worked, I always cowered myself out of it thinking someday It'll all be ok when it continues to get worse. My older sister moved out at 17 and she experienced the same amount of abuse, she almost successfully killed herself a few years back and it was a really hard experience to go through. My uncle lived with us for years and when i was a toddler he molested me and my older sister and when we told our parents they called us liars. Until it happened last year in July to my little sister they then believed us when it was too late. They only let him live with us because he paid them when it was obvious he was a pervert cause he would always stare at our body parts and etc. My parents always call me a **********, a whore, a loser, a retard, they say how I'm just like my older sister, they hate her because she left and called them out on the crap they do. I wanna tell them how mentally abusive they are but they say all kinds of mean things back. When I tell them I wanna kill myself they just say " Do it then since you keep talking about it." I turn 18 in 4 months and I'm not allowed to have a phone, on Christmas my dad got my little sister a tv and me nothing.
my dad came home oneday with rona and coughed in my face saying " I might have corona by the way" and I ended up getting it. I was promised a PC for years and nothing has happened. I'm a gamer and its a really good escape for me, I feel free and happy playing games, I feel safe and calm. They know that so they don't want me having it. My dad is extremely abusive and always puts me down. He says if i continue to piss him of he'll beat me because he's a force not to be reckoned with. He turns the internet off every night at 11, he doesn't let me hangout with my friends, doesn't let me date, I wanted to do online school because I have a thyroid disorder and heart pains and I constantly feel like I'm going to faint and sometimes my vision goes black and I lose breath. He constantly comes into my room without knocking, he always says I'm a **********, he always wishes he never had me, he says when I'm 18 I cant leave since I'm still in school. He's controlling me so much I can't breathe and I have literally 4 months left until I can leave but I can't take it anymore I am going to kill myself and I can't stop the thoughts or the pain or the tears. My father is going to be the death of me and I'm tired of no one doing anything to help me. I feel alone like no adult will take me away from this hell. I'm sick of this there is so much I can tell you about my father but I feel it's useless. I just want to be taken out of here. I should have a right children should have a right to make a choice of the house they live in. People need to quit looking at the parents and start looking at the children because we are legit trapped in a hell and no one cares. If a child says living with their parents makes them suicidal then something should be done about it. I just want to be gone I want to feel like a person I want to finally smile without being in fear of it.

[ccsmod3]

Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step. In reading over your post, it's clear that you've gone through a lot. We're sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you, and want you to know that we are so glad you're doing what you can to find the support that you need, even in those moments where things feel hopeless.

You mentioned that your sister moved out at 17. Have you had the chance to talk with her at all about what that process looked like and how she did it? Is she able to help you if you decide to leave home, potentially allowing you to stay with her? If not, is there anyone else that you might be able to stay with, like a family member or a friend? If not, there might be emergency youth shelters in your area that we can look into, though it is important to know that many of them have restrictions on how long you can stay. You might also be able to find a nearby transitional living program that you qualify for since you're 17. Transitional living programs are programs for young adults that assist with housing and otherwise helping them get on their feet as they transition into the world as adults. Their starting ages range generally no earlier than 17, though this does vary from program to program. These programs might be a good opportunity for you to live in a safe space and get the immediate support that you need in order to live safely.

In terms of you turning 18 and still being in high school--generally speaking, your parents do still have a legal obligation to provide for you if you're still in high school, even if you've already turned 18. However, in most states, 18 is considered the age of majority. So if you decide to leave once you're 18, that is your decision to make. You can look into this more by consulting with a legal professional or your school social worker, but it's pretty unlikely that you are still considered a minor and obligated to stay home once you're 18, just because you're in high school.

As you continue to work through what your next steps will be, please know that not only are we here for you, but that there are others who are there for you as well. If you need further help talking through things, your school counselor or social worker are generally good folks to connect with. It's likely that they'll also be able to help you learn more about your options, including the transitional living programs mentioned above. Beyond that, if at any point you feel like you're in danger (from your father or from harming yourself), please contact your local law enforcement agency for immediate support. You can also reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-8255 or through their 24/7 live chat at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. And if you'd like to chat with us in more detail about what's going on, how you're feeling, explore your options further, or see if we can find some local referrals for you, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

Take care.

NRS