I don't know how to get away

[Guest]

I'm 16 and I can't take it here anymore. I'm not planning on running away, but I am afraid that I will on impulse. I did it before, except this time I have a plan in the back of the head, one where I'd be somewhere far away and completely safe, and I really don't want to, but if I do it, I won't come back. So I want to solve this situation somehow, or at least make it better.

My parents don't get along with each other or me. My mother complains nonstop about two things: how no one notices anything and how she is the only one who does anything. I help out. I clean the entire house once a week, I take care of the animals, and I help make dinner. She plans dinner and handles the laundry, and my dad helps with that too. She doesn't listen at all to anyone else, only complains how we don't listen even though I at least hang onto every word she says so she doesn't yell at me. And she yells constantly. I don't think I've heard her normal tone of voice in the house for over a year. My father is scary. He gets all quiet and then explodes sometimes. He isn't getting any from my mother, and he keeps making snide remarks about that and other women and it's stressing me out. I can't take it, and I'm afraid of them. I guess I shouldn't be, they haven't done anything to me, but they're my parents, I can't help it.

But they constantly degrade me. I get top marks in school, and I do about half the housework, and I volunteer outside, so I feel like I'm pulling my weight. But every time I'm around them, my mother especially, makes me feel like I should be doing more. During school, it would be go to school, then come home, do housework for four hours or so, then do homework for four hours or so, then I'd get five or so hours of sleep and do it all over again. Now, I've got all that free time from school, but that only means I'm around them more, around my friends less, and everything's going out of control. I feel so horrible about myself when I'm around them, and every word they say is specifically pointed at me to degrade me. I know a lot of it is driven by their own relationship problems. A lot of the criticism my mom points at me is aimed at my dad. But it's still pointed at me. I still feel it.

I want to not runaway. That's my goal. I've only got another year. Tomorrow is my 17th birthday. I'm just afraid I'll drop it all again and not complete school. I don't know what I can do though to make it any better. If it keeps up like this, I know I'm leaving.

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Re: I don't know how to get away

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us at the National Runaway Switchboard. Your story was moving in that you sound like such a good child but having to live with so much must be very overbearing. You do not deserve that sort of environment where boundaries are blurred and parents are not careful with what they say or do around you. We imagine this is not easy for you. Do you have an alternative to running away? It sounds like you are trying to handle the situation in a mature way. Your struggles with being put down and all the pressures mounting on you is enough to make anyone jump at the chance of doing something risky but you seem to have a greater understanding of what is best in order to avoid making a decision that is not going to benefit you in the end.

Have you thought about speaking with your folks about how all this is affecting you. Your dad has not right to speak the way he does about matters that's private without consideration of how it is going to affect you later. We are in no position to define abuse but we are here to bring attention to the issues if you wanted to take the matter to Child Protective Services if you wanted to find out options. As mandated reporters, we can report your story to see whether it warrants an investigation. It is possible that they may order your parents to seek counseling. Do you think counseling is one way for you and your family to benefit? There is the possibility that you and your family can get services that help to outline what they need to do to change their ways. Your mom and dad can do it together or all of you could use the time to share.

Have you thought about doing extra-curricular activities or even join a club local to you at avoid being at home so much. It sounds like they try to have control over you to the fullest. By joining a club or even getting a summer job, you stand a greater chance of not being home so much. It sounds like you could use the distraction. It is something that could lead to a better sound mind and give you clarity of thought if you are not so stressed out at home.

We want to continue to be here for you. The purpose of the bulletin is to get a first glance at your story. The real benefit is hearing from you. We are here for you 24 hours a day for you to call if you want to vent. We can also provide resources local to you as well. Our number is 1800RUNAWAY. We are confidential and anonymous. We care for your safety and wish to explore other options for ways you can cope and overcome some of what you are going through. Good luck and we hope to hear from you soon.

-NRS