19 going on to 20, I don't know what to do or where to even start

[Guest]

So.. I'm an adult, I'm in college, I Don't have job, but I do freelance commisions and I have some money saved up.


The thing is, ive been thinking about leaving for a few years, but I can't. It gets really bad and abusive is this house, yes there are fun times, I'm sure that, that can be said about a lot of things...im going on a tangent sorry. I want to leave and almost everything day it gets bad enough to where I seriously consider just up and leaving then and there. But I have nowhere to go and I have responsibilities here. Pets, house, brother ect. ...can I just leave? I'm an adult, I don't think there's anything, in a legal sense, keeping me here, but in scared they'd come try to find me, or convince me to not leave then lord it over my head and use it as ammo to fuel the abuse.


People shouldn't have to be scared or being woken up from someone yelling at them for something that is either stupid or they don't even know what happened. People shouldn't have to have panic attacks where they pass out for no reason just because something is about to happen or they think something is about to happen.



I may not know how to do some things to take care of myself, but I don't...I can't take this much longer. I need to leave. I need help.

[ccsmod3]

Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step. It definitely sounds like things at home are pretty rough for you, and we're sorry to hear that. You're right in saying that there's nothing from a legal standpoint that requires you to stay home. Because you are legally considered an adult, staying or leaving is ultimately a decision that is up to you. That said, it's definitely a decision that requires a certain level of preparation, which it sounds like you've spent some time thinking about. Having responsibilities at home is important, but it's a good idea to keep in mind that those are your responsibilities while you live there, but if you leave (which you have the right to do), they then become someone else's. If your brother is experiencing some of the same issues that you are while living at home, it's understandable that he's one of those responsibilities that's really making you second guess leaving home. It might be worth trying to look at your situation from a different perspective--if you're able to get yourself into a better and more stable mental and emotional space, will you be better able to help him? Additionally, if there is any abuse going on in the home that puts your brother at risk, it might be a good idea to consider filing an abuse report with Child Protective Services (CPS).

As you continue to think about leaving home, having a plan will be helpful. Knowing where you'll go and how you'll support yourself are generally two of the bigger elements to consider when leaving home. Having saves is a great start, but it might be worth trying to get more freelance work or find an additional job that allows you to bring in more income. Since you're in college, you can even look into jobs on campus or work-study jobs. If your college has housing, that might be something else that you can look into. While it's possible that dorms are full, if this is an option for you, you can try reaching out to an advisor to explain your situation and see if they can help you figure something out. Another option might be for you to look into transitional living programs. These programs provide housing to young adults who are homeless or housing insecure, and often includes access to items you might need to meet you basic essential needs.

If you'd like to talk in more detail about what's going on at home, developing a plan, or to see if we can find you some referrals to transitional living programs, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or through our live chat at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.