I'm 15 and I want to run away

[Guest]

I don't know how to begin this post but I think writing it all out may at least help me rationalize my thoughts. I'm an only child with a single parent (my dad), but living with my dad is really hard sometimes. He leaves me alone all day and when we do talk it's usually a fight about grades or something stupid, I'm just sick of it. He makes me feel like I'm the crazy one and that my feelings don't matter in the slightest and I can't tell him any of this because he wouldn't understand. I know it sounds like I hate my dad but I don't, I just hate living with him and I don't want to live with him anymore. This sucks because I love my friends and my cousins but I feel so alone in this house, like I said I'm an only child, and my dad is always sleeping or working so I'm often by myself. It gets lonely sometimes. Running away feels like my only option. I know there's a lot of unpredictable variables and unanswered questions. Will I be able to complete the rest of my schooling? I've been thinking about running away for a while, I've saved up a little cash but I don't really have a destination in mind. It scares me to know that if I run away, I have to leave my phone. If I take my phone, I'll get caught and I can't get caught. I'll be all alone in the world, but I'm ok with that, I've always been alone. When I was 7 my mother was arrested for 2nd degree murder; everyone has pivot points in their life, that was mine. I don't want to get into the details since there's articles about it online which reveal my address, but it ruined my life in a lot of ways. I didn't get to have the happy childhood other children my age got to have, my dad was always working for money, and I was always alone. I want to leave, I'm scared of getting caught but at this point I know I have to leave. I'm not sure what to say to those around me (my friends, my cousins) and I know they'd probably never know why I'd ran away. I hope they just forget about me and move on with their life's; have their own happy endings while I try to find my way.

Going on the streets during the time of coronavirus is also a concern, of course. There's so many concerns. Money, food, getting caught... How am I going to manage a life on my own? I can't drive, I have nothing to run to. My plan is just to walk aimlessly from place to place, home to home, to see the world and all of it's natural beauties, along with it's treacherous terrors, and maybe at the end of it all, I like to think, I'll be happy. A lot of luck is involved with running away, and a lot of risk as well. I guess what I'm trying to ask is for any tips you have for me. What can I do for money? Is it possible for me to build a life for myself? How do I not get caught? Any information you have will more than likely help.

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thanks for contacting us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. There is a lot that you are faced with at home and you are considering running away as one of your options. It's understandable that you would want to leave home since it sounds like you are not getting the support that you need. You mentioned that your dad is not at home a lot and it doesn't feel like he is willing to listen to how this has been making you feel. Communicating with parents can certainly be challenging, and it sounds like you have been trying your best. We want you to know that you are not alone in this and we are here to listen and help as much as possible.

Leaving can be challenging and without a safe place to stay it can often put you in danger. You mentioned wanting to leave and start your own life but that you are not too sure about your plan yet. If you decide to leave it is smart to first have a solid plan in place to make sure you can stay as safe as possible. Factors to consider like you mentioned would be where you will stay, if you will be able to get a job, how you will continue school, and who you have in your life to go to for support. It seems like you have a lot of questions and we want to help you think through these things that you brought up. Our email and bulletin services are different in that we can only respond twice so we can best help by phone and live chat. If you contact us directly we can be a listening ear, explore all of your possible options, help you brainstorm a plan, and provide any resources that might be able to help.

You mentioned that some of your hesitations with leaving are that you would miss your friends and family members. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Perhaps you can reach out to one of these people to talk about what's been going on and have a safe space where you can feel heard. Other possible options might be to talk to a trusted adult in your life as well like a teacher, counselor, or family friend. We want you to know that we are here as a support for you during this challenging time and we can best help you and brainstorm your options if you contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or through live chat at 1800runaway.org.

Stay strong,
NRS