im 14 and my dad is abusive and my mom doesnt care anymore

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im 14. my mom and dad are still legally married but live in different houses and say that they are divorced. for this christmas, my birthday, and this summer my dad gets to have me and my mom is forcing me to go even though i have told her many times that my dad is so emotionally abusive that i self harm and think a lot about killing myself just so i dont have to deal with him anymore. my mom isnt abusive per say but she is emotionally absent and doesnt care about my mental health or how i feel. i have a younger sister so i am always just an after thought and forced to do everything for my sister if she doesnt want to do it. i was told i dont have to be with my dad for the summer if i dont want to so i brought it up to my mom telling her that i didnt want to go because if i did i probably wouldnt come back, she told me that i have to go because "its the law". at this point im only going to push through christmas and my birthday because of my sister, but i dont think i would be able to make it at most a week with my dad during the summer. he is dragging me and my sister down to South Carolina (i live in Indiana) for the whole summer. im too scared to run away but at this point it might be my only choice to get away from my dad. i have a friend willing to help me run away and hide me but i am very aware of the fact that hiding me would be illegal. i dont want anyone to get in trouble nor do i want myself to get in trouble. should i really just run away? i know that if i go with him for the summer i would 100% kill myself or be very close.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your dad. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.

If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS