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A Long Battle - No Relatives/Family Members That Will Help - I'm Trapped

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  • A Long Battle - No Relatives/Family Members That Will Help - I'm Trapped

    This is a long one, a really long one, but I have to get this out now because I feel like it's time I do. It’s difficult to take in here. I’m a procrastinator and I have a lot of interests but everything has to be perfect for me to get basic human treatment and even then sometimes I’m treated like dirt by my own mother when I've done nothing to deserve it. In the times where I was the complete opposite of a procrastinator did I get the constant-yell fest and I could never seem to mold myself into a person that could really make these problems go away no matter how hard I tried. Here’s how I live at home, my aunt, grandmother, mother, and my little cousin lives here. They’re all female, my little cousin who is 3 at the moment.

    I’m the only male in the house at age 14. I’ve struggled to get my word out to anyone who could realistically help me. My mom is good at manipulation, and scares me to death. My dad does not live with us, he and my mom separated about 6 months after I was born going back to 2006. I recently come to learn that my dad requires medication to be mentally sane. Nobody knows his official diagnosis since he is very private but he has shed light on a few things that we can confirm, he takes medication and is required to legally of course. He gets disability checks because he is mentally unable to work. I suspect with my uncle he has paranoid schizophrenia. My uncle many years ago took my dad to a hospital, where someone suggested he may be a paranoid schizophrenic but when my dad answers to that he says that they “misdiagnosed” him. To that my uncle and I think he's in denial and has always lied and done all he could to be "right" in anything instead of admitting he's wrong.

    Here's a dedication section for the light of my life. She doesn't deserve to have anything about her mixed in these other paragraphs, because i feel like that would be disrespecting her. She's the best person who's come into my life and I love her so much. I appreciate all that she does for me. Although a long-distance relationship which people may scoff at, I don't personally see this as a bad thing. I have preferences of my own and she does too. We are also in a middle of a pandemic and we both are virtual students doing remote learning. We met online. It's my plan to see her in person since she's a few states away up north. None of our parents know of this relationship at all. We have our reasons to why we did not tell our parents I don't want to speak of them at the moment. There are factors out of my girlfriend's control that I do not want to speak about but it's not her fault and it's things out of her control that does not allow me to escape the household I'm in right now through that method.

    My dad is a fan of corporal punishment, loud and hard spankings in the rear end. Ever since I was an infant my dad would always tell me about how spankings are good and that I need to be spanked and stuff like that. My mom would constantly take the anger out on me, and these were in times before my aunt arrived in the United States and before my little cousin was born. In the 5th grade my mom refused to understand how I felt, I remember she always compared me to her friend’s children and Chinese kids because they were “obedient” and such. Obedience is important for a parent because they always want the best for their child, but the way my mom was appearing to describe this form of “obedience” was more like a slave to my ears. My mom also would spank me, she still does from time to time when she's angry, she'll spank me and doesn't care if it hurts or not because then she brings the topic of "How she's hurt" and a lot of times the only things she wants to talk about has to do with herself.

    If I remember this correctly mom at one point said something along the lines of, “I wish I had a Chinese kid who was obedient and intelligent” or something like that. My mom has manipulated others into falling into her favor and is sometimes outright dishonest with people without a care for their feelings. Sometimes my mom is outright cold to people who did nothing to her. I have no one to turn to now. My dad has a few brothers, but one is in really poor health who can’t help me, my dad is the one who also has anger issues but his only excuse is that he is medicated and has a mental issue, and the other one has financial struggles and probably would fall in my mother’s favor. My mom is a master at manipulation, she really is. She has acted like a completely different person in front of others, acting as sweet as she can be in front of others to turning around and screaming and yelling the life out of me. Sometimes my mom would have me write out emails and text messages for her in English since she isn’t fluent in English. Sometimes I would use the words she said she would do for what situation she may be in and she said, “No that would sound abusive.” I remember one time my English teacher was complaining about my grades, and I admit that was my fault. I am a really bad procrastinator and have a passion for technology and want to work in a field having to do with technology. I love computer building and upgrading. My mom threatened to spank me or something like that, threatening a slew of things and I remember writing that response email to her about what she will to to “discipline me” but she said “No that would make me sound abusive” but I said “That’s your words, it’s better to be honest” but instead wrote “I will simply talk to my child, xyz” but after that all I got was yelling and screaming as the other two people who live with us refuse to do anything thinking it’s fine. I started being dishonest kind of recently, because I realized whether I'm honest or not to my mom, no difference is made. I used to be honest on how I performed in school and how things were because then it gives her the "I'm a perfect parent" kind of thinking and then doesn't treat me as bad. I didn't want to be dishonest with my mom but I didn't want to cry to sleep thinking about ending my life either since my mom I would consider a direct source to why I've had suicidal thoughts in the past. Right now, I have hope and with that hope I refuse to even think about killing myself.

    My mom one time didn’t want me to talk at all for some reason and instead of asking me to stop, she slapped my face in the car as she passed a security camera near those traffic light things. She started overreacting saying that she hoped the cameras didn’t pick up because that would appear as abuse and she didn’t want me to be taken away from her. I wouldn’t want to be taken away either but not because I actually want to live with my mom, I just know DHR would put me in an abusive family or do nothing at all. My mom changes personalities like someone who has multiple personality disorder and it’s sick really. It really is sick, she is never consistent with who she is. If she was really the sweet person she paints herself as to other people then I would not be writing this right now. Right now I’m shelled inside, scared and near to tears right now. I see a therapist and my mom of course not liking it and all she thinks now in her words is, “I pay for a therapist and all you do is talk behind my back and talk bad about me” and such. I really really want to say my therapist is helping but so far he’s given me nothing but the same stuff you’d find a random person telling you. He didn’t seem that interested in helping and I don’t wanna say that because this is a guy who spent his life studying and being paid money to help but I really don’t see that he’s helping.

    My mom always said that “Nothing is good for you’” to me, sometimes other people and when there’s even something I notice, even if it’s not an issue and may be a good thing, she immediately assumes it’s a complaint. I don’t complain as much as my mom does, sometimes I just take things the way it is while my mom complains to the bitter end until she can’t. I’m hurt, I feel hurt and mentally exhausted, I only realize how worse it really is now that I’m writing this because I’ve just been in denial trying to be on the realistic side but I realize that I’m in a battle of wits.

    The maximum character limit won't let me continue, I have a pastebin of the last section of this. I wrote this yesterday planning to post the same day but didn't have time to post yesterday and had a few things to add so I'm posting today.
    Last edited by ccsmod15; 12-18-2020, 09:19 AM.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are grateful that you have decided to share your story with us. it sounds like things at home have been really tough for a long time, and it is good that you have reached out for help. We hope to provide support and resources in the best way we can.

    It sounds like at home you endure some serious physical and emotional abuse. This is never okay, and you do not deserve this kind of treatment. You are right to voice your fears and anxieties around what is happening. You deserve to live in a place where you do not have to feel this way all the time, and we are so sorry to hear that this has not been the case. You mentioned that reaching out to CPS is not a favorable option for you, but we want you to know that they will always be there to help. It is true that sometimes they do not serve youth in the way that they ultimately should, but abuse reporting may be a good first step. If you want to understand more about what this looks like, you can reach out to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453. By calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, you can also talk through this option further and we can even file a report with you. Of course, if your immediate safety is threatened, we encourage you to reach out to 911. It sounds like with all of the manipulation by Mom, you may be feeling helpless or confused, but abuse is abuse.

    It sounds like you have some support systems in place, and we are happy for you. Your girlfriend and your therapist are people in whom you can trust and confide. We also know that sometimes supportive people are not enough. You indicate that you are no longer feeling suicidal, but we want you to know if this feeling ever comes up again, there is professional help out there. You can always reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They are there to help you in your darkest of moments.

    In all, your situation seems really difficult. We think it's great that you have taken this step to talk about it and seek help. We would love if you called us at 1800-RUNAWAY so that we might be able to get a better idea of what next steps you want to take, and support you in those. You have been incredibly brave for a long time and we understand this must feel exhausting. You are doing a good job of keeping your head up. Good luck moving forward, and we are always here when you need us.

    Sincerely, NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


    • #3
      I plan to make an account in a moment here for this. I really do not like CPS at all. I tried to report child abuse and never got taken seriously when the social worker arrived. The social worker didn't even try, didn't go through with her words. I do not trust CPS/DHR with anything at all. Everyone except the social worked treated me seriously, the social worker making the "You don't sound like a kid" excuse and just left. There was evidence, chat logs, a lot of stuff that without a doubt would of gotten that child removed from the home. Instead, the social worker didn't even bother taking the evidence or anything that could be used to help create a decision.


      • ccsmod13
        ccsmod13 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        Thank you for sharing a bit about your situation with us. It sounds like you have been very disappointed in the past with CPS and you felt very frustrated they didn't seem to take the case seriously. Working within the CPS system can be challenging and often it takes more than one report to get CPS to intervene. It could be helpful to reach out to Child Help if this is an option you would want to pursue again. Child Help advocates for children in dangerous or unsafe situations and they might be able to help in your situation. Their contact information is 1-800-422-4453 or

        We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).
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