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I'm only 12, but I want to temporarily 'live' with my friend

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  • I'm only 12, but I want to temporarily 'live' with my friend

    I don't have the best family life, but it's by no means the worst, or something that there should be legal intervention with. My father is borderline emotionally/verbally abusive, I say borderline because I'm sure it's not as bad as some people have to deal with- he makes snide remark on my weight, friendships, life choices (I'm 12, I haven't exactly made that many), gender/sexuality (I'm a non binary lesbian female, when I came out as non binary I had to deal with him yelling about it to my mom all night as I tried to sleep) etc, and generally invalidates my feelings and is quite mean to me. On the other hand, I love and adore my mom, she makes an effort to understand how I feel and even adjusts things she says to make me feel valid, such as working on calling my 8-month relationship with my girlfriend simply 'my relationship', instead of something belittling due to our age, such as the one she most commonly says when not thinking about it, which is 'my little relationship'. Sadly, even though she's amazing, she loves my father to death, and doesn't defend me when he says something negative about me. All in all, though I by no means live in an abusive household, and my family makes around $200k a year and I live in a great house and neighborhood, for the longest time I've wanted to leave.

    When I was 7 I ran away, but only made it a block or two before turning myself in to a police officer I saw, because I was 7 and didn't know the dangers of running away until I did it and saw an odd grown man starring at me in a very unsettling manor.

    My girlfriend's trusted friend for many years (She's 14, her friend is 16, they've been very close friends since they were in early elementary school) has a very kind, trustworthy and stable family who'd be completely willing to let me stay with them temporarily so I can escape my family for a bit, get to stay in an environment other than the one I've been used to my whole life, and I'd get to be closer to my girlfriend.

    There are two main reasons staying with them would be very hard for me to accomplish.

    1. My girlfriend and her friend live across the country from me, which would make it significantly harder to live there, no matter how long I'd stay (I'd want to stay for at least a month and up to a year). It's also very different there, which is exactly what I want, to be somewhere different and explore new places and lifestyles all the while getting to take a break from my parents- but it's likely going to be a problem in my mother's eyes, being somewhere I'm not familiar with for the first time. While I of course understand this argument, though I'm young, I'm going to be 18 sooner than it seems, and once I move out I'll be going into unknown territory in many senses, so why not start learning how to adapt now? (I work at a non-for-profit ranch, where I teach kids and adults how to be around and ride horses and I work with horses, pigs, goats and ducks, which was my first step towards becoming more independent and learning how to adapt, because I'm thrown into a lot of new and hard situations there)

    2. I'm not that good at convincing people to do things for my sake, I have no idea where to start when it comes to somehow making my parents agree that temporarily living with my girlfriend's friend is in my best interest, but I really don't want to stay here, or do anything detrimental to my future, such as form my understanding running away, which I was previously thinking about.

    I suppose my question is:

    1. How do you convince your parents of doing something so drastic as to allow you to live across the country from them for 1 month-1 year to live with a friend?

    And yes, this is something I'm very serious about and have been disusing with my girlfriend and her friend for quite sometime

  • #2
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options.
    The easiest way to leave home is with your parents' permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.
    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button). If you would like to look into further emotional support options, you can text with a crisis worker at the National Alliance on Mental Illness 24/7 by texting "NAMI" to 741741.
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    Be safe,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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