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I genuinely hate my dad and can’t hate my mom

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  • I genuinely hate my dad and can’t hate my mom

    I swear it’s not just hormones or just “I’m angry right now” thing. I can’t look at him in the face without seething, even if he said hello. I cannot physically be in the same room as him without being uncomfortable or angry.

    I’ve hated him since little. I don’t remember a time where I was comfortable with him. He slapped me, almost strained my wrist, so many things. But I don’t care about the physical stuff.

    He always insults me in every little way. I’ve built a wall around my emotions to hide that I’m hurting. He works two shifts so I only see him on the weekend, thank goodness. I wouldn’t have survived if not.

    I hate the weekends so incredibly much.

    He calls me fat every time I dare breath in his eyesight, and my mom tells him to stop but he says that he’s “being quiet.” I hear him. And I hear him talking ******** about me on the phone with my mom. I have ********ing ears. I can HEAR. He always calls me stupid, degrades me for everything.

    Every time I look at food, he calls me fat and tells me to eat less. I can’t look at food without feeling guilty. I overeat because of not eating in front of him. He forces me to exercise more. I already DO everyday at 6am for an hour. What more do you want?

    I wrote a business letter for him since we’re Asian (but live in CA, USA) and he doesn’t speak English well. I wrote the words “hello” and he criticized it already. It may seem small but after being pestered to write every week and then get criticized for it, I hate it. I do so many things for him because i was forced to.

    Like passing the driving test for him after he got a fine.

    He won’t stop criticizing me.

    I feel unsafe around him. I swear it feels like he harasses me with his eyes. I feel sexually assaulted even though he’s never touched me. It’s disgusting. He always makes jokes.

    I used to hate my mom whenever she yelled. She’s strict, today I got in trouble for an A, not A plus in ONE class. The rest of my classes are 100% and above.

    But I could never hate her, I understood her. And now, we have a good relationship even though she can be slightly mean sometimes. But I understand where she’s coming from. Now, she even defends me.

    My brother, my only sibling, is okay but he can get annoying like any sibling, haha. But I love him anyways.

    My main issue is the excuse of a father male in my house. He doesn’t do anything bad to anybody but me. I hate him. I don’t want to look at him. But because of my parents’ strictness, I can never go out or stay in my own room (which I don’t even have.)

    I don’t understand how my mom handles him. I’ve heard him yell at her in the middle of the night.

    They don’t argue because my mom stays silent, he just talks. He spills all the secrets of our household to other people. He probably talks about me. My mom always tries to lecture him but he says “yes” then continues talking.

    Trust me, I’ve tried talking to him. Ive tried tell him that he was the most stubborn, insulting person alive. But he says “yes” and continues repeating it. He repeats everything for at least a month, literally. No sarcasm or exaggeration. I hate him. Everything about him, zero good memories.

    I DONT want to fix our relationship. It’s gone way too far. I just want him gone. If he could be gone, as in gone gone, I would say yes. I want my mom to divorce him. Gone.

    Im sorry for spilling so much, thank you for letting me rant
    Last edited by ccsmod1; 11-14-2020, 03:41 PM.

  • #2
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like your dad has made life at home super stressful and it must be overwhelming and exhausting! It seems like your parents have overly high and unrealistic expectations of you! Your safety is our top priority here at NRS and the physical abuse you mentioned at the beginning of the post raises concrn for your well being. If you are currently at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful:

    You stated that you and your mom have brought up these issues when talking to your dad before but he doesn't seem to change his actions or mindset. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your family so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself. Sometimes it is helpful to have a third party advocating for you and holding your dad accountable.

    We're so glad that we were able to provide you with a space where you can express your frustrations with your situation at home. If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,


    We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey:
    Last edited by ccsmod1; 11-14-2020, 03:55 PM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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