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I'm planning on moving out again, but I'm nervous this time. Help?

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  • I'm planning on moving out again, but I'm nervous this time. Help?

    Hey there, I'm 17 years old and I live in Ontario, Canada. I've done my research on moving out, and since I'm 17 I can legally leave home even if it is against my legal guardians' will (we don't have emancipation laws.) I'm hoping to move out soon. I moved out and into my friend's place with her family earlier this year; I spent many months with them mainly for quarantine but also because I didn't want to go back to my parents. My parents would text me and tell me how much of a disgrace I was for leaving. That alone makes me nervous they'll verbally attack me again.
    I thought I could last another school year in my parents' house, and then I'd graduate and finally leave forever. Unfortunately, my parents' abusive behaviours have only been increasing lately, and I don't know what to do. I'm completely numb. My dad calls me names and yells at me about small things, and my mother manipulates me, doesn't accept my identity as a trans person, tells me to hurt myself and even mocks me/laughs at me when I'm in distress. I have a job, and I have a family who's always happy to have me over, so I'm ready to move out again. I'm afraid about what will happen to me if I keep living with my parents. I've been hospitalized before for mental health reasons, mainly because I was going to kill myself. My parents make me suicidal, and they do anything to kill my happiness. I'm tired of being called a manipulative ********** liar. I'm tired of being told I'm someone I'm not.
    I'm staying at my friend's place for the weekend just because it's a long one, and my parents are letting me do so. On wednesday, I'd already packed a suitcase full of as many pieces of clothing as I could. I packed three backpacks of all my necessities and sentimental items. I'm more prepared this time around. Part of me just wants to say screw it and move out this weekend, just stay there for good after the weekend ends. But the problem is I have school to commute to, I have to finish my applications for university (I need a permanent address,) my parents will definitely guilttrip me for not being with my grandparents for the holidays (even though a cousin who sexually abused me when I was younger is often at these holiday gatherings, but my parents don't care. She's always around me and another small child whom I worry greatly about.) and my mother has threatened to unenroll me from the private school I go to.
    I've talked to my school about keeping me enrolled if my mother chooses to cut funding, and they said they were going to do their best to keep me in school until I graduate if that happens. I've nabbed my passport and SIN card. I'm ready to leave, but I just can't seem to muster up enough courage this time. My brother keeps trying to convince me to stay, and my parents will do anything not to be outed as abusers. Hell, my dad even threatened to have my friend's mom arrested for harbouring a runaway (even though she'd be in the clear legally if I chose to leave on my own.) I don't know what's stopping me, I've called Children's Aid on my family this month and someone is calling my mom tomorrow. Thank god I'm not around for it.
    Again, what's stopping me? I don't care about how my parents feel. I don't care for them at all. I've wished for their deaths almost every night this week and last week. I don't care what they think of me for leaving. I don't care how they feel. I just want to leave and save myself before I end up dead.
    Technically my mother purposely misgendering me is actually illegal here, so I have that and the reason that it's just unbearable to be there. I'll be okay legally, I can get children's aid and my friend's mom to help with legal issues like getting all my belongings and documents back. She treats me like I'm her second son.
    Sorry if this is long, I just really need help or even a final push to just get me the hell out of this household. Every day is another belittling moment, more numbness on my mind. I have a ********-ton of stuff on my plate right now.
    Thanks

  • #2
    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.
    We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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