I'm 13, and I don't feel comfortable living with my mom anymore

[Guest]

Hi, I have been really thinking about seeking help in this situation I am in, I would like to start with the fact that I've been feeling really depressed lately and very alone and I also have thoughts of suicide. Sometimes I think of running away or just ending my life. I live with my mom and she doesn't notice how I feel every day, I would like to talk to her about my feelings but all she does is tell me that I'm too young to feel stressed or be depressed and she just never listens to me. Right now she's been yelling at me and hitting me with a belt and also hitting me on my arms, It's either because of my grades or because I do something wrong. I feel like my grades have been going down because of the way I feel and because I lack motivation from her and myself also she even takes my phone a lot which is one of the only things that have been keeping me a little happy although I don't talk to people or have many friends it's just my only way of coping healthily, but right now I don't have possession over my phone so I can't talk to anyone to feel better. She also recently took away my door privileges and said I'm not allowed to close my door anymore, this happened because I wasn't feeling well and I decided to lay down while I was in my online class and she got mad at me and proceeded to tell me that's the reason why some of my grades are low. then the same day I got a bad score on my quiz and she beat me with a belt because of it. all I really needed was help. this all happened yesterday. this morning she woke me up because I overslept 11 mins after my class started online and she was yelling at me again and was hitting me on my arm. after that, she told me she was gonna beat me after school was done. and she also told me that she was gonna beat me every day until I did something right. I am genuinely scared of her and the way she treats me every day. she thinks her way of motivation which is beating me and yelling helps me focus more in school but it really just distracts me and gives me more stress and thoughts of depression. I also live with my brother but he doesn't do anything to help me, he's 20 years old. And then my dad and my mom are divorced so he's not really around much but if he were to be given custody over me I wouldn't really know how to feel about it because he's not really reliable and we don't have a good relationship either we used to be close but overtime when I was younger I lost hope in him that he would actually be there for me and I just don't feel comfortable around him sometimes. and now things are just really awkward between me and him when I visit him sometimes. when living with my mom I feel scared to talk to her and be around her because there is always something she's mad about with me and she is just too negative for me and I don't like it. I'm even planning to run away at the moment but I am also stuck on that decision. I have also been thinking about having a new family because my mom is just very toxic for my mental health and I'm ready to be away from her. I really want to be emancipated but I would have to wait until I'm 16 and I don't think I can wait anymore. what do I do? because I am very stressed in this situation right now and I think I can handle it anymore. I really need help.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It takes great courage to reach out and we are so glad that you have decided to reach out to us.
We understand that you are going through a really difficult time, and we want you to know that you are not alone. It is also understandable to be feeling suicidal and depressed because of the way you are treated. We want you to know that you are worth living and you are valuable. There is always someone willing to listen and provide support. We know you mentioned not having your phone but you can reach out to us through chat or to The National Sucide Prevention Hotline. Their website is https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, there is help out there for you. Another great resource for you may be NAMI (national alliance for mental illnesses). Their website can be found here : https://www.nami.org/Home. You also may want to consider talking to your school counselor about what is going on. Even though school is virtual many counselors are letting you talk by emailing or meeting virtually with students. If you are unsure on how to connect with your counselor you can always ask your teacher and they will point you in the right direction.
From what you described it seems like your mother is abusing you, which you do not deserve. Parents may not know how to help you in the best way so they result to abuse and that is not okay. You do have every right to report abuse and there are a few ways you can go about doing that. One option would be to contact Child help, and they can help you file an abuse report. You can file an abuse report through their chat platform at: https://www.childhelp.org/. Another option would be to chat with us on our chat platform and we can help with filing a report. You can also talk to a teacher or counselor and they would be able to help.
We know you mentioned running away, and we are not legal experts but we do have some information. If you were to leave without permission your legal guardian could file a runaway report. If the police were to find you it is a possibility that you could be brought back home. If you mentioned the abuse happening, they would investigate it.
We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please contact us. We are here for you 24/7.
Stay Strong,
NRS

[Guest]

So, the reason why I feel uncomfortable filing an abuse report is that I'm not fully sure if hitting your child with a belt is illegal or not, and I also don't know what would happen after I file an abuse report and my mom finds out. I'm a little sensitive so if I were taken away from my mom and would see her cry it would make me want to stay because I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I would really just like her to change her ways of how she treats me in certain situations. I know that there is no way for me to talk about it because I know she won't listen and would continue to put me down. Today is also her birthday and I would like to do something nice for her but I messed up again and accidentally fell asleep during class and she yelled at me, I thought she was going to hit me but my camera was still on so I guess she didn't. If I file an abuse report and they look into it, would they come to my home and possibly take me out? do you know where I would be going after that? also if I talk to my school counselor I know they would contact my mom about everything and I wouldn't know what would happen after that but I just don't trust them. I'm really stuck in this decision because I'm really scared of what might happen. she also has a baby of 2 weeks and I wouldn't want them to take her away because she hasn't been hurt at all. I just need some type of advice or help on what my best option is because its stressing me out a lot.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen.
You have a lot of great questions, and it is understandable to feel uncomfortable filling out an abuse report. In some states they would say hitting your child with a belt is considered abuse but it is different case by case. It is very thoughtful of you to want to do something nice for your mother on her birthday. Even though she yelled at you today you can still do something nice such as cleaning, drawing a picture or helping out around the house or even making her a card.
Usually after filing an abuse report child protective services would investigate within 72 hours. In some cases, that does involve a social worker coming to your home and speaking with you and your mother. You are able to make a report anonymous where your mom wouldn’t know it was you who made the report. Social services do not try and break families apart that is usually the last thing they do. They may offer counseling for you and your mother or other resources.
Also we know you mentioned that your mother does not listen to you. One option would be to have your counselor help you have a conversation with your mom so that she will listen to how you are feeling. You can also try writing your mom a letter so she can read your thoughts and understand you better.
We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide you support. Best of luck!
NRS