family and boyfriend

[Guest]

my mother and step father both hate my boyfriend. they won't let me see him. but i love him and we plan on running away together. he is almost 20 and I'm only 17 1/2. we know that we want to leave the state but im still scared my family will come and get me and try to hurt my boyfriend. my family needs me to stay but they don't care about me really. i pay most of the bills. at my house there is me my mother step father oldest brother and my step sisters 2 kids. i watch the kids make the money cook and clean. my mother has a part time job and other then that i make all the money for the house. i cant live like this any longer. is running away the right thing to do

[ccsmod5]

Re: family and boyfriend

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story with us. Sounds like an intense situation. It’s unfortunate when families don’t like or agree with the dating of boyfriends. Sounds like they might have some concerns but do they tell you why you shouldn’t be seeing him?

It wouldn’t be very fair of they didn’t really give you any reason, but if they did give you reasons as why you shouldn’t be dating him, what would you think about those? What do other folks/friends think about you and your boyfriend? Do you respect their opinions more than your parents? Do you think your parents are just too concerned?

In any case, you seem like you really need to get out of there. And as you stated before, it does sound scary because you don’t want any of this to backfire but you are 17. If your boyfriend is older, there is a chance that he could get into some legal trouble because you are a minor and your parents are usually obligated to file you as a runaway as soon as they notice you are gone. Sometimes, those reports make it hard for people to continue school, work, etc. You probably rely on at least one of those to survive.

Do you think there something that could be worked out? Can there be some sort of a compromise? You might be fed up with all of this but this way, you can let them know that you don’t want to do anything serious (like runaway) before trying to work something out. Which brings me to my next point, has your family been to any kinds of services together to aid in familial communication? Would that be of any use?

If so (or if not), please know that you can call us throughout any of this. We are available for you (confidentially and anonymously) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call us at 1800-RUNAWAY for free from any phone. We can talk about other options, legal issues, etc.

Best of luck and thank you again for tell us your story.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: family and boyfriend

no one in my family will give me a reason as to why they feel the way they do a bout my boyfriend. and i tryed to tell my family that it was to much for me but all that they would say is that i need to get over it and go on with it. and as for the financial things go we cant get help between my three jobs and my mothers part time job the family makes to much money to get any help.

[ccsmod8]

Re: family and boyfriend

Hello,

We are glad to hear from you again. We imagine it is very hard for you lacking the respect of your parents when it comes to such important issues as your boyfriend. It is never easy when parents do not understanding where you are coming from. Have you thought of another way to get them to understand your boyfriend? The idea of having parents do social things with the one you care about can lead to many insightful discoveries but it had to mean that both sides are willing to embark on opening up communication.

We want you to know that you are not alone and we commend you for all the good that you do despite the few pitfalls in your current situation at home. We wish for you to call us for the post is just the first step to getting to know your story. Have you ever felt that you just need to have a listening ear in such matters? We want you to know that you are not alone and we are always here for you. We can be reached 24 hours a day at 1800RUNAWAY. We are confidential and anonymous.

How do you cope with the situation when you get stressed out? Although we are not here to tell you what to do, we are here to talk about options and ways to not only remain safe but to get life going in ways that you can start to feel empowered again. We wish the best for you at all times and hope that you can continue to count on us for resources and other ways to cope in the situation. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: family and boyfriend

My parents don't like my boyfriend either. I don't tell them about him to avoid fights.I often have to make up lies which I don't enjoy doing just to see him. My boyfriend is black and I am white. I think this is a major part of why my mom doesn't approve of him. She judges people so much, and usually me the most. She always asks me if I am doing hardcore drugs like meth, crack, etc. I know she doesn't trust me, but she doesn't know me either. She spends most of her time at work and then when she does get home she mostly has something negative to say to me. She didn't even know when I was going through depression last winter. I can't go to my mom for anything and that's hard for me. I'm thinking of running away tonight. I can't handle being judged and accused of things that I am not even doing.
Am I wrong in wanting to leave home?
Should I stay here and keep making up lies just to avoid fights?
Please help me!

[ccsmod0]

Re: family and boyfriend

Thank you for sharing a little bit about your situation. It can be nice to know that there are other people that have gone through or maybe even currently going through similar situation. It can be tough when our family doesn’t agree with the person that we are dating. It sounds like you have found ways to avoid a possible fight by make-up other things to see him. It is understandable that you don’t want to lie to them, but you would also like them to accept the person you’re dating. Have you talked with your parents about your boyfriend? We are sorry to hear that you feel your mom has been judging you. Do you know what would make your mom believe that you might be using drugs? It can be frustrating to know that your mom doesn’t trust you. Why do you feel that might be?

It sounds like communication with your mom has been tough and it can be hard when it is mostly negative. We are sorry that you were feeling depress last winter. You are welcome to contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1800-273-TALK (8255) or you can view their website at: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ when you are feeling depressed. Have you been able to talk to anyone else about your situation and do you feel that would help? It sounds like home has been very hard on you to the point where you’re considering running away. We are not here to tell you what to do or what is right and wrong. However we can discuss possible options that you feel comfortable with. Here are some times to think about before leave:

• What else can I do to improve my home situation before I leave?
• What would make me stay at home?
• How will I survive?
• Is running away safe?
• Who can I count on to help me?
• Am I being realistic?
• Have I given this enough thought?
• What are my other options?
• If I end up in trouble, who will I call?
• When I return home, what will happen?

We are a 24/7 completely anonymous and confidential crisis line. We can discuss options, look up local resources and provide support. Our number is 1800RUNAWAY (786-2929). You are welcome to call to discuss in more detail about your situation or whatever else might be on your mind. We look forward in talking with you. We wish you the best and want you to be safe.
Take care,
NRS