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LGBTQ 17 year old Wanting To Leave

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  • LGBTQ 17 year old Wanting To Leave

    Hi, I'm a trans teen living in Pennsylvania and I turned 17 a couple of weeks ago. I really want to get out of my parents' house.

    My parents have very high academic expectations for me because I'm in my school's gifted program that I feel like I have never been able to reach. Whenever I slip up or get less than amazing grades, they call me lazy, useless, ungrateful, and a brat because they only expect me to study and nothing else. Whenever I struggle with something, they brush me aside and tell me I should figure it out myself and I should already know how to do this because I'm supposed to be smart. They get mad at me for the slightest dip in my grades and because COVID-19 has been extremely stressful for me and has impacted my motivation, they decided to take away my phone and my access to our family computer, which are the only ways I could contact my most of my friends and people in marching band since my school laptop has most social media and messaging websites and apps blocked.

    Besides verbally abusing me, my parents have hit me several times in the past. I've been slapped, scratched, and even suffocated several times, mostly by my dad. He's justified the hitting as a traditional way to discipline kids because we're Asian, and he also hits my 13 year old sister, who has a developmental disability. Someone actually noticed a large gash on my neck at the beginning of my sophomore year and reported it, which got CPS involved. However, the only thing that came from that was a recommendation to let me see a therapist, which I've since stopped seeing because of the pandemic.

    I've suspected for a while that I may have an anxiety disorder or an attention-deficit disorder, and my therapist shared this sentiment, but my parents refused to believe anything was wrong with me except that I was just lazy and over-dramatic. They think that whenever I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm just looking for attention and acting up, which often prompts my dad to threaten to call the police on me, though he's never done so before. My parents are also very conservative and hold very transphobic and homophobic beliefs, and my dad threatened to kill me when I once "jokingly" came out to them in 7th grade. Because of this, I am extremely scared of coming out to them as a trans boy, as it might put not just me in danger, but also my boyfriend. Even without knowing that me and my boyfriend are gay, my mom especially holds disdain for my boyfriend because she believes that he could "corrupt" me, even though she's never met him.

    I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't feel safe in this house and I fear not just for my own safety, but also for my sister and my boyfriend's. One of my friends along with my boyfriend have both offered to give me a place to stay if something happens and I don't have anywhere else, but my friend is only 16 and my boyfriend is about to turn 18. I don't want to get them in trouble. My aunt and uncle on my mom's side have always held a disdain for my parents and have also offered to help me if my parents do anything to me, but I'm afraid that they won't support me anymore if I came out to them. I'm 17 and I'm so grateful for all my friends that try to be there and support me, but I don't know if I'll be able to hold out until I turn 18 or until graduation.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for taking the time to write us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. It sounds like there has been a lot of stress going on at home because of the way your parents treat you and your sibling. It's normal for that to take a toll on your mental health and you certainly deserve to be getting any support you might need. Leaving can be a big decision to make, but as you mentioned waiting things out until you turn 18 can also be incredibly difficult. We want you to know that you are not alone in this and we are here to help as much as possible.

    You mentioned that there are a couple people in your life that can provide a safe place to stay and this is a great start in thinking through a plan. There can be some risks to leaving without parental consent as a minor. If you decide to leave, your parents can report you as a runaway to the police. Running away is not illegal but it is a status offense. This basically means that your parents can ask police to return you home if they know where you are staying. Whoever you stay with could be at risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. From what we know this is not very common and generally not used to punish someone who is simply providing a safe place to stay. Perhaps you could reach out to your aunt and uncle for support and to see what they are able to do to help. This way you can have a better idea of what your options are.

    Your mental health is also really important as you navigate this challenging situation. If you need a counselor to talk to you can chat with a crisis counselor by texting "connect" to 741741. Additionally, The Trevor Project has a crisis line specifically for LGBTQ youth which could be another safe space to receive support and talk through your situation.

    We truly want to be a support for you as you decide on your next steps. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at

    Stay strong,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      I'm 15 years old and I am a trans man. I was just locked out of the house yesterday night after my mom tried to look through my sketchbook. My sketchbook is very personal to me and it includes alot of my written down thoughts including my experience with dysphoria and suicidal thoughts. My mom knows that I am trans and has expressed her dislike of it many times so I really didn't want to get any more hate from her. I told her not to look in it unless I could take those pages out and took it away from her because it is personal to me. She started fighting with me, trying to take it from me and even slapping me and throwing me to the ground when I wouldn't let it go. I had to kick her just to get away from her before she opened the door and forced me out. I didn't have any shoes or a jacket (It's very cold, especially at night.) and I was walking around my neighborhood for just about 2 hours with just a sketchbook before I ringed a neighbors doorbell. Keep in mind, I had tried to get in my house and rang the doorbell- my mom still wouldn't let me in. They let me in and I told them my situation. It was a nice single father, his mother and his kids. They let me spend the night and I slept in the living room before the cops showed up the next morning. She told the cops that I just kicked her and ran away and stole from her even though I haven't stolen any money from her in a year. Now the cops and the investigator is involved and I don't know what to do without breaking down. When I got home and the cops left, my mom immediately started guilt-tripping me; telling me that her and my family were worried about me. I don't doubt that they were not worried but she was the one who wouldn't let me into the house. She called my grandma as soon as I got home and I could hear her praising my mom and saying she would've done the same thing even though throwing out a 15 year old is clearly illegal.She told me that she does not support me being a trans man and told me that I am sick in the brain- the same response she had when I initially came out to her. I don't know what to do since it's true that she does feed me and -did- keep a roof over my head but she is very unsupportive of me and my gender dysphoria.


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,
        Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe. We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you.
        Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer:
        You mentioned that you were considering the options that may be best for you. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so.
        If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you.
        Stay Strong,

        Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860;
        Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386; text “START” to 678678; chat at
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