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Both of my parents are suicidal and I'm tired of being their therapist.

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  • Both of my parents are suicidal and I'm tired of being their therapist.

    This is a long post. Slight background, my parents were together for 16 years. They are Ukrainian immigrants living in the U.S. Im 16 years old born in the U.S.

    I want to runaway. So my parents are currently living seperate with a long history of jail time, domestic abuse, and a bunch of other crap. Both of my parents are suicidal, each handling it different.

    My dad is an overprotective and violent freak that is pagan(believes in mutiple gods). When I was 9 I remember running into the bathroom seeing a butcher knife in his hands and his arms and chest cut up. He also throughout my life burned or destroyed furniture, out kitchen table being replaced every 3 months. If we got a couch it would last a month beofre it was ripped up. Fortunately he never physically abused anyone but our walls were filled with holes from his tantrums. Meanwhile he tells me that he loves me and wants the best for me, and he proves that financially.

    Now my mom on the other hand is a two faced christian. She emotionally abuses and tries controls everyone. She is a hoarder who always had a bunch of junk scattered around the house. For every little thing she gets mad, and ends up slapping me to the point of once breaking my metal glasses. She tries to control my life and limits internet exposure. Even with the online school she will turn of the wifi and hide it for weeks at a time. I end up biking to the local library to do my work. I also can't get my own job as she makes me help with her peraonal cleanning business that I dont get paid for. I dont mind helping but she cant pressure me to pay for things when I cant earn money. She also says that she wished she was dead, and that because of me her life is ********ed up. Since she got pregnant from my dad she was forced to marry him.

    Since they seperated a few months ago, my dad got a restriction order, restricting his access to our house, I live with my mom. Once in a while my dad will pick me up to visit me, but that ends with my mom getting angry as ******** when I return home, with her hitting me and taking away my phone and internet and loading me with chores. Once again, I dont mind helping around the house, but I believe I deserve respect.

    Now, whenever im with my mom, all she does is talk about god and how the world will end soon and a bunch of other prophecies. (Im an athiest after reading through tbe whole bible 3 times and studying it). When im with my dad, all he talks about how my mom is a cheater and how she will return him. I want nothing to do with their relationship. They dont respect my boundaries.

    How can I escape this toxic environment? I dont have a job, and wont have one due to my mom not wanting me to get a drivers lisence. I can wait until 18, but is there any other way before that?
    I might as well note that although im only a sophmore at the high school, I was already offered a full ride scholorship at my local college, which I intend at taking, but once more that will be once im 18.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for taking the time to write us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. From what you have shared it sounds like there has been a history of instability with your patterns and incidents where you do not feel safe. You mentioned that you do not mind helping with chores or abiding by basic expectations, but you feel you deserve more respect than you are getting right now. That is more than reasonable and you do definitely deserve to be treated with respect and to feel supported. It sounds like you have been trying your best so far to survive the situation and become independent as soon as possible. Being offered a scholarship to college is an amazing accomplishment and is just one example your maturity through all of this.

    It sounds like you are looking into possible ways to move out before you turn 18. Options for living independently as a minor can be limited, so you would need to likely stay with a friend or a family member. A helpful start could be to start reaching out to anyone you feel comfortable with to ask if they are able to provide a safe place for you to stay. The easiest way to live somewhere else is with your parents' permission. We understand this can be a very difficult conversation to approach and not always possible. If you decide you are safest leaving home even without permission from your parents, there can be some risks to be aware of. Your parents can report you as a runaway to the police. Running away is not illegal but it is a status offense. This means your parents can ask police to return you home if they know where you are staying. In most cases police do not actively search for a runaway, but they would follow up on any information your parents have and check the places where your parents suggest you might be.

    You mentioned a few things that raise concern for your safety and well-being while living with your parents. You can report the issues you mentioned above and anything else that is a threat to your safety to child protective services. After making a report, they would likely do an investigation that could mean someone needing to speak with you and your mom. If CPS decides you are not safe staying at home they might attempt to find you somewhere else to live with a family member or a foster care placement. Reporting to CPS does not always mean being removed from your parent's custody immediately, but it could start a process with that outcome.

    We truly want to be a support for you as you decide on your next steps. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at www.1800runaway.org.

    Stay strong,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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