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Just mad at mom

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  • Just mad at mom

    Well....this is going to be a long and interesting story. I came on here because wiki how recommended this website to me and they say it can help comfort me. I live in an ordinary house in the suburbs, two stories, and I am way better off than most of the other people on this forum. Everyone else reading this is probably thinking this dude is stupid and doesn't experience what we experience. Well to be honest they are absolutely right. I don't starve and I only miss out on meals recently, and I don't suffer as much physical abuse. Some medals that brought me all the trouble I can ask for ironically. I did a competition and won 3 medals but it was only for regional but everyone was proud in my dumb small town, getting past regional and going to state with your school was already good enough. Problem is, my teammates weren't trying as hard when they went to state because we all already given up when facing better schools. I still tried but I was shackled. That was when it hit me. I went to a new super hard high school and my brother followed. Up to this point my mom supported me. I didn't attempt to make friends because I was laughed at the first day but managed to make 2 new acquaintances. My grades were different now, and I still had a 4.0 gpa but biology became a B because the teachers didn't know how to teach and not that I hate my teacher. She was a nice women but her skills were more on the counseling side(she hates me because I ask her questions and she couldn't answer them completely). Until recently I actually learned to read a textbook. However my mom hated me starting that year in high school. I decided to stop helping my brother on a competition just for fun that wasn't worth anything and literally had no impact. He hated me since then saying how I don't value him. I told him that I simply wanted to win for once and it is about time he stood for himself and that I wouldn't always be by his side since it is high school. He wouldn't listen and my mom called me a b***h for a brother. However high school as a freshman was a breeze. I didn't participate in much because this school was considerable one of the harder schools in dirt southern California and I was mainly trying to figure out how to handle classes better. Ironically, my "friends" of my middle school called me suicidal for going to that hard high school and literally a kid recently committed suicide that was in that high school near the high school as well as literally before I went to that high school and 4 years before that another kid committed suicide that also came from the same hard high school. However I still persisted but my brother failed. He transferred out.
    Now great, at least that is how I got the two other acquaintances because he left and they needed someone to talk to and now they treat me in his place but it is just not the same. My mom was mad at both of us. She threatened my brother for being a coward and then threatened me. My dad wasn't really here because he has this other job around the world and he keeps his money to himself and only gives money when my mom threatens him that we can't pay the mortgage anymore. I can't blame him but I can blame how my uncle and aunts who were "taking care of grandma and grandpa" were smuggling the money away. However a whole school year passed and now is 5 weeks into school. I usually live else where when going to school however since corona virus hit I live in my actual home. My mom says how she liked it when I was gone and how well she got along with my brother compared to me. Truth is there is a lot of reasons why we can't get along. I was suppose to take a certain position during the competition from middle school, but my brother could only do two events because he messed up during the tryouts and simply he chose the events no one wants to do except for the even he was doing with me. He didn't study for any of his events until 2 weeks before competition for all of them. I was suppose to take 2 of those position because someone else couldn't make it but my mom wanted him to succeed to she told me off and he took the position and got carried super hard for both of them including the even he did with me. I said he didn't deserve those medals and my mom argued that he took the test, but he was worried in the background so he and mom joined against me. After transferring away my relation didn't improve with either of them. My brother and mom was jealous of me. She wanted him in my place, but she couldn't say it in my face. She wanted all the resources I have and when I say I couldn't give certain resources online she threatened to throw me out of the house and school, so I got desperate after 3 days of threats and lied to her that my brother learns the same things despite his school being a good estimated 2 years behind in education for all subjects except for physics. and chemistry due to a new teacher. She bothers me more every day during the corona virus and wants me out of the house back in school. She started starving me a bit more as expected. My classes last up to 12:33 until I can eat lunch. At first she would wait for me, but she started hating me more so she knows this so she calls my brother down. Both weigh over 150 pounds (brother is more like 144 and she is 143 and I am 99-101 currently)so of course there was little to nothing left. I am hit a lot more with a vacuum cleaner pipe (don't ask how) then she would sometimes go hands on with grabbing and slapping or just the classic whip, but whips are illegal so a computer charger for school will do just fine. However I never end up seriously injured. More than half the rooms are rented out. I sleep with my brother in the same room but in different beds. My mom gets her own room that she made from having people install a wall in the middle of what would have been a dining room. She then cut up another room in half rented half of it out then was about to cut the whole living room in half until my brother grudgingly went with me and my dad against her decision. I was about to lose me and my brother's sleeping room as well until we made her forget about it for now by giving her a 1 hour long discussion to make her forget about cutting the bedroom in half again and then shipping me to live with my farmer relatives in china and letting my brother live with her in America so that those rooms still follow the law. I was even attempted to be dumped at the library, shopping mall, and Costco. How am I still alive you can ask even once when she tried to dump me on a mountain or into the hoods where I use to live until which is west of the XXXXX ave where I found a pistol bullet lying on the ground once and how there were several accounts of theft with two accounts of missing children. She decides that I get to use the bedroom as my room and my brother gets another bedroom for his room, I should of not agreed to that deal. I got the room which contained a bathroom where my mom and brother would often stop by to use the restroom and bother me when I am studying along with talk crap. She said how much of an ******** am I. My mom kicked me out of the bedroom today. Now I do my work downstairs with the 3 other tenants who at least have their own room. She says how I would tell her to go away just for staying 2 hours in the room with me. I say back, "Bruh,(yes I literally brushed her) I am not that trash, if you put other people with you they will get uncomfortable within just 30 minutes with you lying 2 feet away on the floor." "You brother would never disrespect me like that" "My brother kicks you out of his room if it lasts up to 45 minutes or 1 hour if you sit at another desk(yes he has 2 desks in his room)" "Get out of this room or get out of this house, I would much prefer for you to get out of this house " Now I am stuck in the living room which is only peaceful during the day and later at night and extremely uncomfortable with a camera literally pointed at your face in the living room right next to the door outside of the house and the kitchen which is noisy from cars, tenant mainly, and people just staring rudely at you. I have no hate against my mom and my brother rather I am just mad at them currently and seek comfort. My situation isn't as half bad as others out there. Most babies when faced with an angry mother, jealous brother teaming against them will just shrug it off. Some might commit suicide. I thought about suicide and came to the conclusion that it is cowardly and costs way too much to be committed and is a white privileged. I am also afraid of a painful death, the cost afterwards, and what is going to happen to me. Does heaven exist for what my mom refers to me as a devil and hopes I burn in hell and die faster? Does hell exist for I to at least exist even if in pain? Does reincarnation exist, and to restart a life without the same consequences? I am just going to see to the end of this journey. Right now is a bumpy part of my journey and I seek comfort because I have now physical "friends" currently. Most people at my extreme high school are either "sociopaths" or just narcissists in general who only see you to benefit themselves to survive in such a harsh environment. I can't blame that one person(dude, I will not reveal his name for my sake) for making me a laughing stock all freshman year or how 2 other dudes also harassed me along with a whole group as well. I would've done the same thing if I can to be honest. I like helping to be honest also so I simply can't find enough hate even if I want to despite almost punching them directly in the face after walking super close to them and creating awkward moment. I am also very much good at manipulating myself to the point where I feel like a shell of a man, a good trick is to find a purpose or pretend to find a purpose and seek that purpose just to give meaning to life just because you can. Lie that you should live. I came hear to look for ways to change.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 09-10-2020, 01:39 AM.

  • #2
    Hello,
    Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these that would be nice to have a listening ear. It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. You showed some by reaching out to NRS. Good for you. What you have been experiencing sounds frustrating for you.
    We hope that expressing yourself here was helpful in getting it all out. Good job.
    You don't deserve to be talked down to by your mother. It's not your fault that she does this.


    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and how we might assist you. If you would like to talk more and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    Take care,
    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 09-10-2020, 01:34 AM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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