12 and I want out

[Guest]

Im 12 and im in a very emotionally abusive home. I live with my mom, stepdad, and older sister. Its been years since they physically abused me but its slowly starting again ever since I stood up for myself and slapped my sister because she kept tell me to hit her if I hated her so much. They cant even do the simplest thing like getting me lactose free milk because its too much o f a chore and I should just "deal with it." My only safe haven is gaming and every day they try to take that away from me. They try to force me into loving their god. I dropped out of public school 2 years ago and it was the worse mistake of my life, sure I was beat up and psychology abused by students and the nurses but now its so much worse when my parents do it. I have someone I could run away to but I dont want them to get in trouble trouble for me. I hate spilling my emotions because I feel like im burdening them. Im also scared to run away because of my pet cat sketch, if I didnt have him I would have offed myself already but I want him to have the best possible life fat and happy. Hes a very scared cat and cant be taken care of by anyone else either. Theres been multipule times where im just called a psychopath, i stopped taking my meds because They were just anti psychotic, proof I was a psychopath. I tried calling cps awhile back but they just pulled the "im just a kid so I need to be shelterd by my parents" line. They let me go right when they forgot about me in the rain outside of daycare when I was 4, and then again 2 years ago when I came out as trans they put me on anti psychotics. I try to wear my name as proud as possible while online gaming but they got a dog with my name and stopped calling me by what I wanted to be called. Ive been guilt tripped into believing that im the bad person and that I should always forgive my mother and I hate it, some days I want to hurt her or myself ot other days I choke on the word mom. I start shaking badly if I her their footsteps behind me. Im honestly scared for my life because I know if I wait for me to turn 16 I'll be to tied up in their guilt trip called "love" that ill be to scared to leave.

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive, and even actively making things harder. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe.

We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You don’t deserve to be called a psychopath for how you feel and your bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/

You mentioned that you were considering options. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so.
Again we are so proud of you for sharing a bit of what you have been going through. You mentioned you don’t like spilling your emotions because you end up feeling like a burden but we are here to help you through this difficult situation and you sharing isn’t a burden. It can be hard to open up like you have
If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you.

Stay Strong,
NRS

Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860; https://www.translifeline.org/
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386; text “START” to 678678; chat at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/