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  • Thinking about running away...

    Hello....I'm thinking about running away...and just thought i'd post something here to see if I got an answer.

    I'm 13. Here's my story.

    I've been thinking about running away for a long time now. People might say that i'm just a young kid and I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe i'm better off than a lot of kids, but i'm still miserable where I am.
    BOTH my parents have mental issues. My father was severely abused when he was a young child, and my mom is extremely bi polar and vicious. Not vicious as in, beating, physical vicious, but verbally vicious. She and my father constantly argue every day (more than once) about the littlest things that would normally not make a difference. They go into shrieking frenzies that can last for hours. Normally, nothing is thrown. Occasionally there can be a flying object. My parents are attempting to turn me against the other, by telling me bad stories about what the other one did to them. They are also forever telling me about how the other parent is the problem, not themselves. They are both very irrisponsible and not trustworthy. My parents refuse to divorce, even though i've given them a hundred reasons why. My mother says that if they get divorced, she'd rather raise me on wellfare then let my dad have me all the time, basically. She also says that we might be better off.
    My mother is currently participating in a group called RC. I will not go into the details about what this group is about because i'm not entirely sure myself. But she became active in this group when I turned 8 or 9. I think the point of this group is to let out all your feelings and have "Sessions" with people where you talk about your problems and such. When she began, it really did help her, and she was nicer than usual. As time went on, she sort of started getting addicted to it...people always call her, and she's forever talking on the phone to one of her RC contacts. She also tells people about the personal things that are going on between her, me, and my dad. When I told her that I was uncomfortable with her sharing these things with people, she told me she could tell anyone whatever she wanted. Not only are my parents a huge problem, but I am under a lot of stress from kids from school. I don't really want to go into detail, but i'm currently having problems with a messy break-up of mine, which features a very nasty girl. Also, one of my "friends" has turned against me because she no longer has control of me. She was a definite control freak, and just today I finally yelled at her. She wants to know what i'm doing, who i'm seeing, talking to, what i'm talking to them about, etc. She refuses to understand that I no longer want her around, and she also posesses some of my very humilating secrets.
    Me and another friend of mine were recently talking, and we thought that maybe I should run away. I am constantly living in fear and anger of my parents and how they do not respect me. I wanted to come here first and see if anyone had a comment to make.

    Lastly, I had never considered cutting myself until a little while ago. It had usually gone against all my morals in life about not giving up. But recently, i have seriously started to consider it, and that frightens me the most.

    I hope someone has an answer for me.

  • #2
    Re: Thinking about running away...

    Hello,

    Thank you for being brave and reaching out to us at the National Runaway Switchboard for assistance. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now with family and friends while at the same time trying to keep positive. We are proud of you for trying to make sense of everything in your life right now. It sounds like your parents are going through a lot themselves. However, we do not excuse some of the behaviors for how you are treated.

    It sounds like your mother has her own outlet for ways she express her frustration and there are moments of calm when she reach out to her group. Have you ever thought about doing individual counseling or family therapy? Have you tried reaching out to another adult in your family for support. We imagine it is not easy for you since you are dealing with friends and trust issues. You seem to exude a sort of confidence in the way you express yourself and ways you think things through to avoid making decisions that you feel is going to not benefit you. How have you been coping with so much happening? Are there other things you can think up in order to distract yourself from all this stress in your life?

    We are here for you and want you to know that you are not alone. We wish to hear from you so that you can have one of us talk to you about options. We are always going to be a listening ear and hope you can call us at 1800RUNAWAY 24 hours a day for support. We are confidential and anonymous.

    What sort of feelings come over you when you think about cutting? Please know that we care for your safety and will do everything in our power to help out. We hope that you can remain strong and continue to fight for what is rightfully yours. You deserve respect and to feel safe at home as well. Good luck.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Thinking about running away...

      Thank you so much for getting back to me.

      We can't really do family therapy...we have just about no money...my mom's blew it all on shopping. I haven't really tried reaching out to any family because my mom's family is the same as her, and my dad's family wants nothing to do with us, because my dad left his family (They're from South America) to come be with my mom. I've been coping by just moping around and being snappy to everyone, and being moody and withdrawn...just me and my music. It's really hard when I don't have my music to distract myself. I read a lot, too, but it's sort of lost its charm to distract when it used to work so well.
      Though running away has some of a definite appeal, i'm very worried about what my parent's reaction would be, since they are extremely protective. I will certainly try to call you soon when I'm able to get a chance. My parents are also very controlling and want to know who I am on the phone with.
      I don't really know about how I feel with the cutting. Sometimes, when I'm about to, I get like a thrill rush, wondering if I did, if I'd feel better and not be so tense and upset. But I can never really get very far because I always freak out and almost start to cry.

      Thanks so much for talking with me. You've helped a lot.
      (Just a side note: People tell me I'm really grown up for my age and everything. I try to think things out thouroughly before acting on them.)

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Thinking about running away...

        We’re glad we can be of help to you. You seem very resourceful and it sounds like you have a variety of ways that you’ve been coping. You stated that sometimes you mope around, snap at people, are moody, and withdrawn, but also use your music and books to distract yourself. It sounds like you are insightful and recognize that some of these coping mechanisms like reading are not working as well as they used to be.

        While in doesn’t sound like life at home or school is easy for you, it sounds like you are willing to reach out for help if necessary. It must take a lot of courage to feel at the point of self-injury, but then have the ability to stop. You must be a pretty strong person to be able to combat those types of urges and we hope you are able to continue keeping yourself safe.

        You stated that family counseling isn’t an option because of finances. However, sometimes there are counseling agencies that offer no fee or sliding scale fee services that would be dependent on your family’s income. If the only thing that is stopping you is the financial piece, we would be happy to provide you with some no fee or sliding scale counseling resources in your area. What about individual counseling? Or, while we realize it is just about summer, is there a school counselor that you might be able to begin and resume speaking to next year?

        You stated that you like to think things out thoroughly. At this point, how are you feeling as far as running away? You mentioned worrying about your parent’s reaction which is understandable given that you feel they are over protective. We are not legal experts, but running away is generally considered illegal. However, parents oftentimes choose to file a runaway report and if the police find a runaway youth, they usually just send him or her back home. Other legal problems sometimes occur because many states recognize harboring a runaway and contributing to the delinquency of a minor crimes. If you stay somewhere without the permission of your parents, they could get in trouble if your parents decided to press charges. Also, if someone helps you after you run away whether it is by transportation, food, etc., there can oftentimes be consequences. We are in no position to tell you what to do, but should you decide to call us, we could definitely talk to you about options.

        It sounds like you have a good grasp of your situation and want to look at all sides of everything. You sound very articulate so it makes sense that people would tell you that you’re really grown up for your age and everything. If you would like to continue discussing your options, you are welcome to call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY. If you do not feel comfortable calling us from your home, remember we can be reached anywhere – including pay phones. We look forward to hearing from you and hope that things get better. Best of luck!

        -NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Thinking about running away...

          I've never actually really considered going to anyone and asking for a free counceling...trial? Not exactly sure what word to use. I think it sort of makes me seem like a child with problems who is like...begging because they have no money. The "councelors" at my school are really awful and never really have time to talk to you. The best one is never available and she is never assigned to my grade level, either.
          I would love to run away but after reading over what you posted as just about anyone who has contact with me could be a suspect, i think i'll just have to sit down, suck it up, and wait it out. I will definitely keep posting if anything worse happens for more advice and call you guys in the definite future. Thanks so much for your advice. I hope things will get better soon. But we'll see what the future will hold.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Thinking about running away...

            Counseling isn’t always free, but sometimes for clients with lower income there are programs which enable them to receive free or sliding scale services. (This can depend on the agency though.) We are not saying you have to go to counseling, but sometimes it is an option for those wanting to work on family or personal issues.

            In the mean time, it sounds like you are going to try and wait it out. If anything does get worse, do not hesitate to call us. We wish you the best of luck and hope that things get better soon as well.

            -NRS
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Thinking about running away...

              my mom and dad split when i was 10 going on 11 and now my mom is married and my dad is getting married. i have 5 step brothers and sisters in all and 1 real brother. my mom doesn't like my step mom because of something she says she did. And sometimes im torn between them. i get asked questions from both and then when i answer i get yelled at from the other house! i a lot of the time get told something from one person then another story from another person and i don't know who's true...and i feel like im the one that has to choose and made to pick a parent over the other...
              i feel like running away is my only choice to get away from this stuff.....

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Thinking about running away...

                Thank you for continuing to reach out to us. It sounds like you are in a tough situation. We are sorry to hear that you get yelled at by the other household. It is understandable that you would feel torn. It can be hard to figure out what story is true when people that we care about and trust are telling conflicting stories. You sounds like you are a very strong person and that you have experience a lot. We want you to know that we are here to help, and want you to feel comfortable in calling us. We are a 24/7 confidential, non-judgmental crisis line. You can reach us at 1-800RUNAWAY (786-2929) and you are welcome to call us to discuss in more detail about your situation. We can discuss with you possible options in keeping you safe and coping strategies. We look forward in hearing from you soon!

                Take care,
                NRS
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment

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