How can I get out of a toxic household?

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 14 years old and live in an emotionally abusive household. It's not my siblings, but my parents. I'm constantly getting yelled at for small things, called names, get punished frequently, and then when I try to stay in my room, my parents complain that I don't spend time with them. I have depression, anxiety, and Aspergers and it's really difficult for me to continue being in this house. I have homicidal and suicidal thoughts almost daily, and it's only getting harder and harder to try to ignore them, (I've heavily considered harming someone or myself severely) and I don't want to self-harm because I've been clean for almost 4 months. I have tried to commit suicide 3 times in the past, and am afraid that I might actually succeed one day. I live with my mother and stepfather and 5 siblings. I've tried to call my parents out on what they do and how it affects me, and how I've hurt myself in the past, but I only get ignored, not taken seriously, or screamed at because I'm questioning them and their "power". My mother refuses to let me have medication, and I haven't seen my therapist in over 6 months. I don't know anyone who could help me if I run away, (and I don't want to drag anyone else into this) and I know the consequences if I got caught. I've considered calling the police, or trying to go to juvie just to get out of here before, and am also considering getting myself put into a mental hospital. I don't know what to do and I just need help, I can't take this anymore. please help. I don't have my phone because they took it, and don't know how long I have until they take my laptop too.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services. I know you said you do not have your phone anymore, but if you get a chance to borrow someone's, it would be a good number to call if you wanted.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

[Guest]

This is exactly my situation but I don’t have Aspergers. I need to leave while I have the chance.

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth. It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

Hi I’m 15, I am currently living in an emotional household. My mom literally yells at me for simple stuff like my musics loud or I didn’t clean the dishes,Simple stuff like that. At this point I can’t live in here. I beg my aunt to stay out late because I don’t wanna come home.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi. So if my parents some how see this they will literally kill me so I’m hoping they don’t, but I can’t keep living with them. I’m 13 almost 14 and the only reason I’m still at home is because of my older sister, who is 17 and will be moving out in a year. So I will have 3 years without her and I am absolutely terrified. My house is very small so the only place I can go is my room where I spent most of my day because my father makes me so uncomfortable. He is fairly old and doesn’t understand that kids now a days are not what they were in the 70s. He is constantly comparing me to my sister and we are two total different people, he doesn’t understand boundaries, and he also always plays victim. In his mind he thinks it’s okay to yell at me and call me stupid and other stuff, but if I slightly raise my voice at him he will full out rage at me. When I apologize he goes whatever and acts like I’m a waste of his time, and in my entire life he has never apologized to me, ever! Im actually quite scared of him and I hate when he is around me. When I come home from school and his truck is parked I want to cry and rush to my room as fast as possible. I can’t discuss anything with him because he always gets extremely defensive and says that he’s in charge and he is the adult so I have to treat him with respect, yet he doesn’t treat me with respect. He always wants me to hug him but I hate doing that, I have tried to tell him this and he does not care and says that I’m being selfish. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t want to call anyone because I don’t want to start un wanted drama. I live in a small town and don’t want to leave it, so I’m scared I’ll be taken away. I’m okay with my mom but she also does and acts ways that make me scared and uncomfortable. She has strong emotions and can get really angry. The other day she smashed two bowls when it was just me and her in the house, then continued to scream many not very nice words and even blamed me for the bowls being smashed. While and after she was cleaning up her mess she continued to yell calling me and my sister trash, and useless, and saying how she didn’t want to live there anymore. In the past and now I have dealt with suicidal thoughts and have self harmed since I was 11. I have tried telling my mom about these things but every time I bring it up she just dismisses it. I’m not diagnosed with depression so I will not say I have it but in the past couple months I have been experiencing many symptoms, such as not being able to finish tasks, get out of bed, self hygiene, I also often experience random spells of sadness and start crying, next minute I’m completely fine. I also have been experiencing de-personalization, which can last a good amount of time. Anyways whenever I try and bring these up she always finds excuses such as, “you are just tired because you aren’t getting enough sleep!” Or “that’s not an excuse to not brush your teeth.” “You aren’t doing your homework because your lazy.”
im sorry that this was long I just needed this time to write it all down. I just need to know what I can do.

[ccsmod10]

We are very thankful that you are wise enough to look out for yourself in this way and reach out for help. It sounds like your parents have created a home environment where you regularly feel uncomfortable, like your emotions will not be taken seriously, and where your parents' comfort is more of a priority than your wellbeing. That's not fair to you; you deserve to have people in your life who will listen, allow you to express yourself freely, and give you the support you need.

Since you mentioned not wanting to start unwanted drama, but are looking for ways to improve your situation, it might be worth identifying ways to cope and boost your own mental health without leaving the home or having anyone investigate your parent's behavior. If you do seriously want to run away, we can discuss options and how you could pursue them safely.

It sounds like your parents have acted pretty immature you with you (taking out anger by breaking things, and refusing to apologize are pretty unhealthy ways for people to communicate), but you have been trying to break that cycle. Some of the symptoms you described do sound similar to depression. Although we are not qualified to make medical diagnoses, it might be beneficial to show your parents symptoms of depression from a reliable source, and encourage them to take you to a mental health professional. Depression is treatable, through therapy and/or medication. Recovery is very, very possible.

If you do continue to self harm (we understand it can be a way to cope with very heavy emotions), please do what you can to do so safely. If you have a friend or other family member you can talk about it with who you believe would listen to you nonjudgmentally, that can be a good first step. Additionally, below is a list of possible alternatives to self-harm you might consider trying when you feel you need to:

https://www.firstpersonplural.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Alternative-coping-mechanisms-to-avoid-self-harm.pdf

Please contact us again at 1800runaway.org for live chat, or by calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if you would like to discuss your situation further. You deserve to feel better, and we are here to help as best we can.

[Guest]

this is exactly what i'm going through. i have looked into emancipation, but i don't think it's what i'm looking to do. my best friend's mother has told me that i'm welcome to stay there, but i'm not sure how to legally leave my household and still be enrolled into school without them.

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thanks for reaching out and talking about your situation. It's understandable to want to leave a toxic household and we are here to talk it over with you. If you come to our live chat through this website, we can post an overview of emancipation laws for your state so you have the correct information.
We are here to listen and help and to support you with what you are going through. We hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I know this isn't the same, but I'm 19 and i moved back in with my father 5 months ago. I'm always nervous and reluctant to leave my room when he's home. I accidentally raised the pitch of my voice when talking to him and he screamed at me, slammed stuff on the kitchen counter, and then cornered me against the sink. I lived with him for 4 1/2 years when I was little and he was very neglectful and abusive. He gave severe punishments for things we didn't know better about and it was very violent. Now, I've been diagnosed with Depression, ADD, and bipolar disorder/manic depression. I'm scared of him but I can't afford to move out or go back to my mom's house and she doesn't have much space. My mom says I should respect him and talk to him but I just wanna go back home. I don't trust him.

[ccsmod3]

Thank you for reaching out it shows a lot of courage. It is understandable to want to find other arrangements especially when you do not feel safe. It is important to remember that if you feel that you are ever in immediate danger that an option to consider is contacting the police. No one should ever make you feel in unsafe in your living situation. Another option to consider is the www.homelessshelterdirectory.org this website helps you find shelter in your area you can use this if feel you need another safe place right away.

National Alliance on Mental Illness might be resources that could be useful as well it is a free, nationwide peer-support service providing information, resource referrals and support to people living with a mental health conditions, their family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public. Their number is 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) and website is nami.org they might be able to give you with some resources as well supporting your mental health journey.

If you want to contact us through chat or through phone and provide us with a feel more details, we might be able to provide you with some resources that are local to your area. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that you can always reach out to us because we 24/7 and always happy to help. We can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through chat at https://www.1800runaway.org/. Stay safe and stay strong.