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im 19 and want to leave home

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  • im 19 and want to leave home

    hi there,

    im 19 years old and my parents are incredibly abusive emotionally, and occasionally physically. i want to leave home, and would have a place to go if i did, i make my own money, pay for my own school, BUT there is one problem. i am scared at how they will react. i know if i were to say i wanted to move out they would do something crazy like break my car, tear up my clothes, etc. i was thinking of leaving without saying anything, but i am truly at a loss and need advice.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing a bit about your situation. You do not deserve to be abused in any way and it is understandable you would want move away from such a stressful household. It is not okay for your parents to make you feel so threatened or in danger if you do make the step to leave. The good news is that because of your age you are most likely considered a legal adult with the legal freedom to choose where you live. If your parents do become physically violent or attempt to destroy your belongings, you can call police for assistance.

    You are the expert on your situation and how to deal with your parents, so you would know better than anyone what might work best. We can offer some possible options and safety planning tips. Because your relationship with your parents is so volatile, it would be smart to have a solid plan in place before taking any steps to leave. Thinking about what you need to pack, where you will be staying, who can help you with moving, when you will leave, and when you will notify your parents about moving out. One option that some folks in unsafe situations find useful, is to gradually move your belongings out and store them with someone you trust or at a storage unit if possible in order to begin the moving process without your parents knowing. This way on the day you will be officially leaving you only need to grab a couple of bags that are easy to walk out the door with to make the process quick and decrease the chance of an altercation with your parents. If you are afraid of your parents physically preventing you from leaving or damaging your belongings, it might be best to leave when they are not home and wait to tell them until you are fully moved out. Depending on how your parents might react, you can also have a couple people you trust be present in the event your parents are home when you decide to leave. Having others around can serve as witnesses in case calling police becomes necessary or to possibly prevent your parents from acting out. If possible, you can also try to obtain your ID, social security card, and birth certificate before leaving. You could hide them or store them in a safe place so that your parents cannot attempt to keep them from you.

    Ultimately, you will know better than anyone the best way to go about leaving to keep yourself safe. Taking this step toward independence can be a huge step to take and we want you to be as safe as possible when making your decision. If you would like to talk more about your situation in detail or go over your plans, you can always reach out again. We are available 24/7 for immediate support by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or through live chat at 1800runaway.org.

    Stay safe and good luck,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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