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I've hit a wall (House rules/career/relationship)

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  • I've hit a wall (House rules/career/relationship)

    Hello NRS, Thank you very much for your services. I'm very close to graduating college, i'm 21 and i'm very passionate about my career, even if the opportunities in my field here are scarce. I've also been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, he and my family get along very well... if it's under my father's circumstances. My partner recently got a great, stable job that pays enough for a living, but it's across the US. We see each other every time he visits. We've been LDR before, and once when an opportunity arose to see him with his family, my parents didn't let me.

    Throughout these past 5 years my father has done nothing but micromanage the entire relationship. He has this rule in which if i'm either in the house with him, or a family member's house, that he should be in the family room at all times and that there should be a parent watching over (this also applies to his family's home as well, but thankfully they think that rule is ridiculous). Among many other rules, including curfews, but if i keep going, it'll be a long post.

    Now, given that my partner lives a long way from home, there's no guessing that my parents (especially my father) disagreed on me ever visiting him on my own, unless i'd get engaged to him (to which my father said he would accept his 'son-in-law' with open arms). But unlike my parent's (unhappy) marriage, me and my partner feel like we should at least spend some time living together before we ever feel like getting married would be the right decision. I feel like my father's strict rules hinder my relationship with my partner because of this, and I often feel like i'm missing out on what having total control feels like when it comes to what you can do as an adult. I think these rules are more driven towards his fear of me and sex and how doing such a thing is disrespectful and dishonoring to him.

    But over this past year i've planned to run away at least twice over my school breaks but have never had the courage to do it. I don't want my boyfriend to be antagonized, I just want some peace and some quiet time with the person i've been having a long-term relationship with. Time and time again i've tried proving to them that i'm very serious about my career, that I'm careful about my decisions and that me and my partner are devoted as we can be to each other. But often times they just do not believe me.

    Thank you.

  • #2
    Re: I've hit a wall (House rules/career/relationship)

    Hey there,
    Thanks for writing to the National Runaway Safeline. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.

    From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you care about your partner a great deal and are figuring out a way to build a relationship with him outside of your parents’ control. Sorry to hear that’s been difficult for you so far.

    While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without their parent(s) permission. Since you are 21, you would fall in that demographic. If you would like to discuss options of potential counseling resources or talk through obstacles in leaving home, feel free to reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or our chat option.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
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