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I am 15 and I need to get out of my mothers apartment

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  • I am 15 and I need to get out of my mothers apartment

    I am sorry for spelling mistakes etc. English is not my mother tongue.

    So basically I am 15 and my parents are separated. I live at my mother's for a week and then at my dad's for a week.
    My mother is a really complicated person, who was addicted to alcohol for a long time and is still addicted to nicotine. She always displays herself as the victim and you cant discuss anything with her, it's like talking against a wall. For example, I have a few mental illnesses, like a special form of ADHD, and my therapist says a dog would really help me and I wanted a dog since ever. My mother just says no. Without a real reason. Also, I just changed my name, because I don't identify with the gender that my old name resembled. She pressures me into telling everyone, even though I might not be ready and feel safe. When I don't she always screams at me and tells me that it's almost impossible for her because she has to concentrate on using my old name. And when my physiotherapist told me that I should start weight training for my back, she straight up told me, that money is tight right now and we can't afford it. Those weights cost 10$. She smokes at least one package of cigarettes every day, which costs around 7$. I told her that and she screamed at me, told me that I am ungrateful. I can't live here anymore. It breaks me. I can't relax here, it's not a home, its a prison.
    Please tell me, how I should tell her that I am moving to my father.
    Also, my pronouns are they/he.
    Thanks beforehand.

  • #2
    Hey there thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline (NRS),
    It seems like you are going through a lot right now after your parents became separated. It seems like you are feeling like your mom isn’t willing to support you through your mental and physical difficulties and instead plays the victim and pressures you to do things you aren’t comfortable with yet. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and your mom should respect your choice to be addressed by your old name. It can be scary to come out and share with everyone that you have a new name because of how you feel your gender is.
    It seems like you have decided to stay with your dad full-time instead of with only part of the time. It is understandable to be worried about how she may take this, especially given her history of playing the victim and turning things into being about her instead of you. It’s going to be a difficult situation no matter how delicate you are when you share your decision with her. As for the conversation itself using a lot of “I feel” can help to make it clear that this is about your feelings and comes from somewhere important for you, instead of from nowhere. It may be helpful to talk with your father about it as well and make sure that there may not be a court battle for custody if you chose to stay with him full time because of the separation agreement between your parents.
    If you wanted as well you can wait until you are at your dads, then call your mom so that you have a bit of separation and time for her to cool down before she may see you again. We also do offer conference calling mediation services through our hotline. So we can be there to support you through the conversation and try to prevent things from becoming a blame-game or yelling match. We can also help do a role-play and practice what you are going to say before you get into the actual conversation so you can be more clear.
    Hopefully these things help. We are always here to listen to the situation more, and help with options or practice starting the conversation if you want. You can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929, or online chat at 1800ruanway.org.
    Good Luck,
    NRS.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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