i want to run away.

[Guest]

hi. i hate my life, and i want to run away. i'm 14. here's my story, i guess.

i don't have a dad, and i never have. my bi-polar mom didn't want to have me, and when she did, she became manic and went back to being an alcoholic after being sober for 1.5 years. then she met this really old guy (18 yrs. her senior) and he made her go to AA. we all moved in together when i was 3. he was verbally abusive to me, i think, because he teased me a lot and he yelled at me so much, too. my mom always took his side. then he moved out a couple years ago. my mom and i get along okay, but i honestly can't stand her sometimes. she thinks i'm a slut, and she won't let me do anything other than go to school and go on the computer (no going anywhere unless she comes with me, no dating, etc.) then at school, there's so much drama and literally 95% of my classmates teasing me and being b****es, i don't know who my real friends are anymore. my only two friends i know for sure are true friends are over the internet. i don't know what to do. sometimes i wonder what life would be like if i weren't here, what people would do if i weren't here, how i could end it. i want to cut myself, but i'm afraid my mom will find out and send me to a mental asylum, so instead i just pinch myself or scratch myself. i don't know what to do, please help me.

[ccsmod3]

Re: i want to run away.

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us at the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you have dealt with an awful lot in your life. We are sorry to hear that you have had to deal with verbal abuse and your mom’s bipolar disorder and alcoholism. Have your considered attending any support groups for family members? We have provided some National referrals below if you decide that is an option for you.

In addition to what is going on at home, it sounds like you deal with a lot of stress at school too. You mentioned not knowing who your real friends are which must be tough. How have you dealt with everything so far? You sound like a very strong person to have to go through so much. You mentioned having some friends online, so it sounds like you have some support. Is there anyone else you feel comfortable talking to? Have you considered someone like a guidance counselor, therapist, teacher, etc.?

It sounds like you are in an especially difficult place right now since you mentioned wanting to not be here, how to “end it,” and wanting to cut yourself. You also said that you are concerned that your mom will send you to a mental asylum, but how serious are you about these things? If you feel you are in immediate danger of hurting yourself in anyway, you are welcome to talk to us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are anonymous, confidential, and available 24/7. Even if you would just like someone to listen and be supportive, we are here for that as well. There is the Suicide Hotline which we have provided below as well.

We are not in a position to tell you what to do. However, here are some resources that may be of help to you:

Al – Ateen
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html
1-888-425-2666

National Suicide Hotline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
1-800-273-TALK

National Bipolar and Depression Support Alliance
http://www.dbsalliance.org

We hope some of the questions we have asked enable you to think about your situation and that the resources can be of help. If you would like additional resources more local to you, we can do our best to locate some based on your city/state in our database. Just a reminder, you are welcome to call our hotline at anytime. In the meantime, we hope you stay safe and wish you the best of luck!

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: i want to run away.

my mom and i went to family counseling off and on for a couple years, and then i went to individual counseling, but i hate it. i don't trust the counselors with my deep thoughts.

as far as school goes, i keep everything in. my teachers always ask what's wrong, and i say i'm just tired. sometimes i'll fall apart and start crying but i'll just say it's one minor thing or another.

i don't feel comfortable talking to people. i don't trust anyone, and i don't want everybody to know about my problems.

i'm not 100% serious about suicide or self-injury. i'm afraid my mom will go into mental breakdown if i'm not successful, and that's what scares me. i don't want her to go crazy thinking she did all of it to me or something. she's got anxiety problems, clinical depression, and bi-polar. she's not alcoholic anymore.

i honestly don't know what to do.

[ccsmod5]

Re: i want to run away.

Hey,
Thanks for giving us more details.

Sound like you keep everything in for understandable reasons. It makes sense to not feel comfortable talking to people about your life because it's fairly intense stuff you are dealing with at home. Has there ever been a time when you talked to someone (whether you knew them or not) and it felt good or a sense of relief?

How about this: what makes you keep writing back on these boards? We're glad you feel comfortable enough to keep connecting with us. Would you be willing to call our hotline and continue with ideas and resources for you? We wouldn't judge you, tell you what to do or share your story with anyone else. We promise.

If you call, you can work WITH someone on the lines because it's all about what you want to do. You're call is important to us and whichever way you want to take it, that's how it'll go.

If you're willing and able and you've got nothing to lose, give us a call at 1800.RUNAWAY 24hrs a day and we can talk about what's going on.

Best of luck. We hope to hear from you when you are ready.
-NRS

[Guest]

Re: i want to run away.

i like talking to people i meet over the internet, because they don't go to my school or live near me, etc. so it's not like there'll be this big problem at school or if my mom hears because the person doesn't know anybody else around here.

i'm hesitant to call because i don't want it to show up on a bill, and i don't want her to overhear. she leaves the house every hour or two for 5 minutes to smoke a cigarette, but that's about it.

[ccsmod3]

Re: i want to run away.

It sounds like you feel most comfortable talking to people over the internet. However, some people find it helpful to talk directly to someone.

If you are concerned about your mom finding out, as a reminder, we are confidential and anonymous. Even if your mom sees the number, we could not tell her that you have called. We get all types of calls including youth asking questions about what we do and youth calling about friends. However, if you still have reservations about calling our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY, we can also be reached toll-free by a payphone or even by a phone at school. Best of luck!

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: i want to run away.

thanks. i might see if i can borrow my friend's cell phone and call you somewhere with it. thanks

[ccsmod8]

Re: i want to run away.

Hello,

We wish you all the best. We are always here for you 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week for support and resources, if and when you call. Good luck and please let us know how else we can help.

-NRS

[Guest]

i want to run away.

okay Im 14 and i have 2 sisters and 1 brother and a mom and a dad....well here is my story
I feel like running away from home. I think my family hates me i hate my life! my parents dont let me have a boyfriend! they dont let me go out to any places! they are always arguing with me about everything! i cant do anything wrong because they get mad at me! and plus when they were little they had there boyfriends and girlfriends at my age but now they dont let me have one!!! there always blaming me for everything! my sister and brothers are my step siblings they hate me! there always getting me in trouble! my parents always believe them! they both have boyfriend and girlfriends! there allowed to do anything they want. i cant trust my own parents no more. its like im alone out here. all i want to do is run away to my friend house. I already had try 2 talk 2 my parents but they dont understand me. my life is ruin fml! i know if i run away i have a place to stay at. so im not worry bout shelter and money and food they would help me i haved saved up 800 dollars. but i dont know what to do help me!

[ccsmod5]

Re: i want to run away.

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us. It's tough anytime someone has to share their story with oth er people but it seems especially difficult when someone does the same and it feels like there is no one there for them. Thank you for sharing with us and the bulletin boards. It might be good to get your story out so you can get a different perspective either from us or other people on here.

We hear you saying that you feel alone and no one cares about you. But it also sounds like you have friends (and their families) that care about you and want you to be safe by letting you live with them. Have you confided in those folks for help with this issue? If they are willing to house you, do you think they could advocate for you by talking to your parents?

Seems like it might be beneficial to try and see what it would look like if other people were involved. Are these adults that you're thinking about running to have good rapport with your family? Because if there is a positive feeling there, something good might come up.

Running away is a fairly serious thing and it's good to hear that you are a little prepared than most people-how long do you think you can/want to stay away? Would your parents file you as a runaway with the police department? Sometimes when young folks run from home parents will file a report and this sometimes aides the police in detaining a youth and bringing them back home. We're not trying to scare you or deter you from leaving but it's important to know about all of the things that could happen.

Do you think you would be willing and able to call in to our hotline? We are available 24 hours a day and you could call from anywhere. Once you called in we could explore all of your options and talk about different thing that you could do and several ways that we could be available to you. We are anonymous and confidential so your story stays here with us and only us.

Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

Re: i want to run away.
I want to run away but I still need to find a good hide-away spot. Or a few. I have about a hundred dollars and my brother has at least five hundred so I'm ok on money. I can steal from him.I have a jacket, matches( over 300), two knives, lots of backpacks, lots of canned goods, ropes, home-made projectiles, plenty of clothes, and my dog. He goes every where with me no matter what. My only friend.

I want to run because everyone in my house hates me. My mom and stepdad like my siblings more than me. I wanted to be a gymnast and my mom told me she had no money for any more lessons, then signs up all my siblings for soccer and anime club. My stepdad called me a worthless piece of s**t. And held me against a wall while threatening me. I have nowhere to go. My mom beat me for going outside without permission. I would tell someone but my grandma told me that my parents could give them permission to beat me so I won't. Nearly everynight I cry myself to sleep. Leaving is the only way out for me. I'm scared.

[ccsmod8]

Re: i want to run away.

Hello,

Thank you for following up with us regarding your current situation. We are very appreciative of you opening up to us again and trusting us. We are here for you to offer you our support. We understand that trust means a lot to you and see how much your family affects that issue. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to remain safe and strong. It sounds like you are in the process of pulling together a proper plan too. We wish to help but we are not able to secure places to hide unless you wanted us to locate a local shelter to assist you. We can never guarantee the outcome of every situation but we can continue to provide guidelines with what you feel are the best ways to solve your problem.

As noted, we are mandated reporters also. We can report emotional, verbal and physical abuse. However, it depends on how you define your own situation. Have you discussed this issue with anyone else. We can report whatever you wish but we cannot make executive decisions to place you somewhere else. Have you spoken to teachers to explain what is happening at home? We imagine your experience is extremely difficult to deal with now.

The option for a shelter to get away from home for a little while is always on the table but they expect consent from parents also. Have you considered speaking with a relative you get along with to get some time away from home? What are some things you find are helpful tips to cope? Have you thought about doing more in school to get away? We cannot come get you because it is your parents who gets to decide where you stay unless they were to lose that right.

Child Protective Services can decide whether home is the best option. It also shows how much this is beginning affect you but you are brave to reach out to us. It shows strength of character. We hope you can call us for direct support and resources. There is help out there if you are willing to call us. We wish to be that resource for you to lean on to get further support. We can be reached at 1800RUNAWAY 24 hours a day. We hope to hear from you directly because our liners here all are trained the same way and our mission is to create a better space for you to express yourself. We hope you continue to stay strong. Good luck.

-NRS