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I come from a good family background, but my parents are severely abusive.

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  • I come from a good family background, but my parents are severely abusive.

    My family is wealthy. Like, wealthy-wealthy. My great grandfather got control of his family cotton business and built a bank, and now we’re the most loaded family in our state. We are big members of the Baptist church—and a big family in general. However, we are disliked in the small Southern community we live in because of the money we have, despite how generous we are with it. Due to that, I’ve been excluded in school since I was little. My parents had been excluded by the adults in our town, and together, we are all outcasts due to jealousy. A lot of it.

    This obviously affects my mom. She was a skinny, pretty blonde in high school. Never weighed over100 pounds. She was on the twirling team in band, and went to be on a dance like in college. She always had boys going after her. She was still excluded by the “popular kids” in the school, though. She wanted to be one, and honestly? Deserved to be one. My dad came from a middle class family, and he married into the wealthy one, so his experiences are different. Yet, now that he is an adult, he’s a stock broker and people dislike him for that job, too.

    I think it all began in third grade when my mom started being mean to me. I developing earlier than the other kids. I’ve never been fat, and honestly I have a petite build, but I am curvy. I don’t think she liked that and wished I was going to be a tiny, small girl like she was. During this time I was getting into the internet, too. I was on roleplay kid-friendly websites (Moshi Monsters). I loved My Little Pony. One day, she got an email from the website saying I had bullied someone. I hadn’t really— I had posted something about forgetting Mackenzie Zeigler’s name and had said I loved the pigtail freak. I just remember her screaming at me over it, and I remember feeling my stomach drop. She checked me out of school the next day and apologized, taking me to a movie and to get frozen yogurt. That was the last time I remember her apologizing.

    It got worse from there. Her depression and anxiety down-spiraled, and because of that, I became the punching bag. I remember little things, not all the fights because there were so many and these were elementary-school age, but they are significant to me. I remember being chased down the stairs and being told she was going to push me down, and being told I was continuously retarded. She locked me out of the house for hours and would not let me in. She would drag me by the hair and grab my arm, to the point it would bleed. I never understood why my mom was being so mean to me, and it breaks my heart to remember a younger version of myself sitting in her room, wishing she had a mom like the other girls.

    In middle school, it became more personal and my dad came into the picture. I had grown more coldhearted, and had developed an attitude. My love for her had vanished and had been replaced by something fake, almost masking what it had been. More internet had gotten into the picture, involving gay youtubers and Sims 4. Remember, we were Christian. My mom was convinced I was autistic and took it as far as testing me for it— which, had only returned as I was suffering from social anxiety and ADD. The social anxiety had definitely been created by the verbal torment I had suffered. She would tell me I have problems, continued to call my retarded over and over again whenever I would have breakdowns from the bullying, and ultimately cause me enough emotional damage to begin self-harming myself my biting into my arm until it bled. She would tell me I was a lesbian and how disgusted she was by me, tell me she got stuck with a daughter that wanted to be a boy. She would make comments about how I talk like a boy and walk like a boy. My best friend had come out as bisexual the year prior, and because of that, comments like this had become to occur. I was never really allowed to hang out with her anymore, and my mom would jump on any chance to talk about how she was a “fake friend” and other stuff. As if she was projecting her own problems onto me.

    My dad, on the other hand, took the physical route. Picture day in sixth grade, he shoved me into a tree and yanked my hair. I don’t remember how this fight occurred, it just did. As soon as he dropped me off at school, I ran out of the car sobbing, the counselor and him both chasing after me. He caught me first, and told me if I ever told anyone what he did, he would get arrested. I never told. He continued to hit me, and pin me down, so I began to fight back. I would slap, punch, kick— you name it. He began to taunt me with it, telling me to hit him whenever we were fighting. So I would. He would then continue to hit me harder. He’s 6’3 and over 200 pounds. I’m 5’1 and 135. In seventh grade, he beat me so hard with one of his belts and forgot that there was metal on it, and eventually ended up leaving bruises everywhere. I had to lie and say I fell down the stairs for weeks. He would call me trash, a lesbian porn star, sick, tell me I was looking at filth, tell me all this stuff that just wasn’t true. He wanted me to feel awful about myself.

    As I said earlier, I’ve grown a cold mindset and a ruthless tongue. I’m not afraid to say cruel things to them anymore, or hit back. They have ruined me. I flinch and cry at the easiest things. I have a quick tempe that did not used to be there. My little brother has joined in on their verbal torment. Mocking the things I say, telling them I have problems (in parallel to where they would tell him that whenever I would have breakdowns), telling me I’m a liar and trash. They glorify him, always referring to how good he is and how awful I am. How he’s a helper and I do nothing. He’s twelve and has already begun to verbally hurt me; just like everyone else I know.

    It also doesn’t help that at school, I am bullied. My best friend moved away when we were in sixth grade. After that, no one shared the same interests as me. Our school does not have a theatre program or fine arts, which are the two things I excel in. Kids have used that to their advantage to harass me, along with the way I dress and how I have very vocal, different opinions than them. I stand up for the underdogs, and yet, I am one myself. I live in such a small community, of a school of about 600 kids and 127 in my grade, there is no one to confide in. We all are together from K to 12.

    I do have friends from the theatre camps I have gone to that live in other states. I have a girlfriend in Portland, Oregon. However, that is all. If I was to run away, where would I go to? We live in the south. My family members are far too argumentative and basically hate each other (another result of my mother) to allow me to move in with them. I am 16 in July. I need to get out of this toxic environment once in for all. I just need to know if it is worth it for me to leave. I have $73 dollars saved up and I’ll gladly save up more, despite being in a pandemic and being able to sell anything is questionable. I just can’t handle this life anymore, but I also don’t want to end it. I just want to start somewhere new, that’s all. Away from this toxic family and town. I can’t handle it anymore.

  • #2
    Hello There,
    Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, and sharing your story with us. It takes great courage to reach out and we are so glad that you have decided to reach out to us. It seems like you have gone through a lot In your life, and we want you to know that you are not alone.
    We know that you have mentioned abuse, and you do not deserve to be abused and we are sorry that you are going through that. You do have a right to make a report and there are a few ways you can go about doing that. One option to consider is calling Child Help at: 1800-422-4453. Another option would be to call or chat with us and we would be able to help you make an abuse report. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911. We know you mentioned your father saying he would be arrested, that is not always the case. Sometimes child protective services would try and determine what resources they can offer you.
    You also mentioned wanting to run away, we are not legal experts but we do have some information on what could happen. If you were to leave home your legal guardian could file a runaway report. If the police found you they most likely would bring you home. Because you mentioned abuse the y may do an investigation before bringing you back home.
    We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options, please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. Best of luck!
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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