Feeling unsafe with my family

[Guest]

hello! i am a 17 year old transgender guy (i use he/him and yes me being trans is important to this or else i'd have refrained from stating it) who is out to his family. i have been since I was 12. my dad and grandmother are accepting, at least they claim to be. my dad allowed me to start testosterone a couple years ago. i bet you're wondering why i feel unsafe and want to run away.
there are a lot of reasons.
one is that my dad isn't really trying to get me back on testosterone and get my name and gender legally changed.
he also continues to use the wrong pronouns for me around other family members. i realize some of you think i may be overreacting but i promise i'm not.
there are other reasons too.
my dad lets my grandmother who caused me to have an eating disorder live with us. my grandmother also makes food that makes me feel sick and both her and my dad get angry when I bring this up.
my dad said recently that i would have to make a choice. i'm not entirely sure what this choice is, but he said this right after stating that, after i leave for college, he'll be returning to a church that he knows is anti-lgbtq. i know the church thing wont affect me but with him supposedly being accepting of me and with what he said right afterwards, it's suspicious.
he also never seems to believe me when i tell him i may have a health issue, physical or mental, that i have several symptoms of, even if it's one that runs in the family or that would otherwise make sense for me to have because of what i've been through.
my dad has put me through a forced moved to an area that's fairly transphobic and difficult to transition in. when moving to this area, where I still currently live, we were in a car crash that messed me up pretty badly. i likely got a concussion from it and it generally was a pretty traumatic experience.
he also got mad at me for wanting to take an offer to move in with one of my sisters even though i would be and feel much safer living with her, and i would also be in a much more financially stable situation than i'm in living with hom.
there have been times when my dad hasn't been able to or refused to buy food for me, and when the sister who i'm closest to in age still lived with us, for her as well. i'd get a job to support myself a bit more, but i can't even do that because my dad lost all of my legal documents after he enrolled me in school in the are we live in at the moment.
really the only reason i haven't ran away yet is my school's theater company, and even then i'm starting to feel like I don't have much importance or worth there anyway. as much as i'd love to see my friends from theater and school in general again, i'm not sure how much longer i can take being around my dad and grandma.
i'm still conflicted, so someone please tell me what you think i should do. should i run away (as safely as possible of course) to live with my sister or should I stay? if i leave, what should i do? thank you in advance for helping. i appreciate it

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to us here at The National Runaway Safeline, and sharing a little bit of your story with us. We know it takes great courage to reach out for help and we are so glad that you decided to reach out to us.
It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now, having your dad accept you then it feel suspicious can be really overwhelming. One option to consider is to talk with your dad in a calm setting and ask if you can go back on testosterone. You can also call your health care provider and see what your options are, or if you need your fathers permission to go back on it. A good resource that may be helpful to you would be Trans Lifeline. They can be contacted by calling 877-565-8860, they also have a website translifeline.org.
We are sorry to hear that your grandmother caused you to have an eating disorder, and that her cooking has made you sick. To get more resources or help with your eating disorder you can reach out to National Eating Disorders Association at: 800—931-2237. Or you can call your local health department and they can provide you with resources in your area. Also you mentioned having mental health related symptoms, you could consider talking with a trusted adult or a therapist about what you are going through.
We know you mentioned running away, we are not legal experts but we do have some information on what could happen. If you were to leave without permission your legal guardian could file a runaway report. Because you are a minor if the police were to find you they most likely would bring you back home.
We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support to you. Best of luck!
NRS