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I can't live with my brother anymore

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  • I can't live with my brother anymore

    (Idk if this is neccessary but trigger warning as I will mention self harm and suicide here. Nothing graphic or detailed tho)
    I don't know what to do or where to go. I've run away once already but police found me and I had to return home. I have occasional fights with my parents and siblings but I'm considering it's not too abnormal as otherwise I can interact with them pretty well outside of our occasional fights. But my brother is a different story. Hes about a year younger than me but I'm very short and thin so hes about my size. He constantly targets me for bullying and everything sets him off. I ask him to get out of my room (not even in a angry/loud tone) and he's like "jeez what's your problem" and complains to my mom. My mom seems to believe that hes always trying his best and insists that I be nice to him since he's "trying so hard". He's also hit me and thrown glasses of water in my face. Even though I get along well with my siblings they are younger and he likes to get them to gang up on me since they are so impressionable. He always knows what to say to tear me down emotionally as he listens in on every conversation I have just so he has more ammo and blackmail. He's made fun of me about my chronic illnesses, my dyed hair (its dyed blonde and done professionally so not even anything wild or really bad looking), my weight (I'm very selfconsious about my weight), my hospital stay, and many other things. When he heard that I wanted to commit suicide he laughed in my face. He constantly belittles me and tells me I care more about my phone then the family. This is not true. I would just much rather talk with my friends than be yelled at by an aggressive, emotionally unstable person. It doesn't help that my mom constantly talks about how shy and introverted I am, even though I am actually very extroverted and love meeting new people, I just cant handle being around my brother, but my mom just thinks this is introversion. I try to avoid him, but this is inevitable due to my parents belief that forcing us to all be together will make us magically get along. My mom seems to believe that this is just sibling rivalry, but its really not. I find no enjoyment in our arguments as all of them are incited by him and hes the one generally throwing the most damaging insults. Generally when we argue he emidietly plays the victim if I stand up to him at all and my mom generally sides with him. She also cant control him at all. If she tries to take his phone as a punishment he threatens to assault her. He constantly yells at me and says I am disgusting for hitting my mother. I have never hit her in my entire life. He makes me feel crazy even though I am just trying my best to deal with the situation. I don't often handle the situations well but it's really hard to be completely stable when you have someone insulting you about everything you already hate yourself for. I've self harmed after many of our arguments. I know this is solely my bad habit but I feel like I would do it a lot less if I wasnt being constantly bullied in my own home. Quarentine is making everything way worse as before the whole shut down I was able to stay with a friend or go out afterschool to avoid going home and being around him. I've asked my mom if I can move out and the only place she's said I can go is her parents house. They already have her brother and his two sons living with them and I would definitely have to live on a couch. My mom tends to think that all this happens because I need to go back to therapy (I was in an iop program for 4ish months and it did absolutely nothing for me) even though if he didnt constantly instigate fights I would be able to manage in this home. I know I dont have it as bad as some people with my home life but I seriously cant deal with the constant personal attacks. I've had dark thoughts about killing him. I don't think I'd ever actually do it but the way he brings up everything that hurts me and gets others to join in makes me so frustrated and hopeless. I've been bullied at school as well but it's a lot easier to deal with since it's not like they know personal details about me. He acts like hes entitled to forgiveness even when he doesnt even apologize. He acts like I am crazy for not wanting to talk to him when he berated me an hour earlier. He thinks he is the boss of me. He will yell at me to do chores I am already doing and he honestly has no business in. He thinks I am below him. My mom once made us clean the kitchen together and he constantly complained and told my mom "she should just do this by herself, she needs the practice since she's a woman". I dont call people misogynist lightly and I'm personally a fan of dark humor and even the 'hehe woman=dishwasher' jokes. However he seems dead serious whenever he says these things. He makes fun of my interests and has effectively made me the black sheep of the family. Then he yells at me for not being around the family. If I dont do what he says he will bully me and sometimes hit me. I came home one day and he was watching tv in the living room. I liked the show he was watching so sat on the couch and started watching the show with him. I didnt ask him to change the show or even sit close to him. He told me to get out. I told him I am allowed to be in here. He started insulting me about everything I am insecure about and also hit me. When i told my mom about the incident she did not believe me and said that i just constantly lie to her. I've told her a few white lies in my life but once she has an opinion on me its absolutely cemented. I am sick and tiered of being mistreated constantly. I still have quite a while to live here and it's not like I can just move out this year. I dont know where to go or what to do.

  • #2

    You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

    If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

    Best of luck!

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      Hi, I have basically the same story as you. I am shorter and thinner than my younger brother who is 2 years younger than me. He constantly hits, takes everything I like, insults me and my physique and if I say anything to him, he complains to my mom and she always takes his side. If I try to deal with it, my mom forces me and him to hang out together and saying " he's my brother" etc. A few months back, it had come to the point where I used to regularly cry in the night thinking about why all this is happening to me. I can't move out of the house or go to college for another 3 years, and the only escape I had from him, school, has vanished due to covid.
      did you find a way to deal with him, or are you still having the same problems. I really really would like to know


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! You’re taking a big step asking for help and you should be very proud to doing it. Sounds like you are in a very tough situation at home, and, unfortunately you are not getting any support from your mom.

        The first thing we would perhaps recommend is some type of counseling, especially as you have mentioned your being very emotional because of the situation. You may also speak to your mom about family counseling so that you, your brother and your mom can all discuss how the behavior you have explained is really effecting you and that you are looking at making things more tolerable for the next three years. If available, you may also want to reach out to another adult (Aunt, Grandparent, close family friend) who could perhaps give you some ideas on how to handle the situation between you and your brother or even give a heads up to your mom about how you are really feeling.

        Here are NRS we have a lot of resources available that might suit you for counseling options close to where you live. We are available 24/7 at 1-800-Runaway (800-786-2929) or via our chat connection on which will give you an opportunity to chat with someone and you could get specific counseling locations where you live. Please consider reaching out to us on chat so we can hopefully give you some guidance for your situation. Thanks again, and good luck!
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