I'm 14, and I need an escape.

[Unregistered]

I'm kind of using this forum as a vent/way of clearing my thoughts right now -- bare with me.

It's been for well over a year I've been struggling with pessimistic/dark thoughts, although it's not professionally diagnosed (as of recently, I've been referred to a CAMS unit) one might call it chronic(?) depression. I grew up in a tough environment and my parents separated when I was very young. At 8 years old I went to go live with my mother, which after 6 months, it became very apparent that she was still a heavy drinker, smoker, and delusional. Unfortunately, for 8 year old me, that meant I was the receiver of a lot of physical and verbal abuse. It ended with me in the hospital due to another one of her alcohol-induced out breaks, and then I came back to live with my dad. I received counselling for awhile after this.

Last year, in August, my dad, my brother, and I, were finally able to move out of our grandparent's house. For a short period of time, things were fine, we were managing well as a small family in this new house, in this new environment. Though at the time my dad was unaware of this, I was going through a depressive period where I was extremely antisocial, and I dealt with my overwhelming emotions during the night time. Of course, being young and vulnerable, I was hoping that this period would pass and things would be fine again. Music was (and still is) an anchor for me. It expresses my emotions for me, calms me down, though I worry that it's also a catalyst for my low moods.

For two months now, there's been mass tension in my household, mainly between my dad and I. We're arguing constantly, and he gets extremely aggressive when he's upset. We've tried seeking help to repair our relationship, but the process is long and it appears the doctors are not sure what to do. To be quite frank -- I want to run away. My dad and I communicate after each argument, but it just repeats itself! Nothing changes!

But don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware of the stupidness and even ignorance that comes with doing such thing. Perhaps I have a need for an escape, something to draw me away from my home and my environment, and my dad. I just want to get away.

I've been looking at tickets, and means of transport online. I've got reliable people I know I can turn to, only they live a good 30 minute drive away from me, and I feel awful putting any inconvenience or pressure on them. Truth is, I'm sick with the constant loop hole that is my life. I don't think the arguments between my dad and I are fully to blame, but I'm more depressed than ever. I feel uncomfortable seeking support from my school (although they're partially aware of my situation) and still, referring to CAMS is taking awhile.

I guess I'm looking for some sort of closure? Some advice from a third party who I guess can see the situation in a different light? lol
Anyway, cheers for the read.

[ccsmod4]

Reply:I'm 14, and I need an escape.

Hello,
Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.


It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time coping with anxiety and some depression and its effecting things at home and with you wanting to attend school.
We understand if things may be feeling quite overwhelming for you and you are not sure what to do about them.

Its okay to take some time until you can come up with a plan to guide you through this time.

It does sounds like running away has been something that is on your mind.
That’s a pretty big step to consider as an option.
Perhaps you would like to talk about some other possible options.

You have demonstrated in the past the wiliness to go to counseling and try to work towards making things better. Good for you. It can be a long process but it might help to think about things long term and not expect things to change in a short span of time.
The important thing is that you are working on it and that is something to be proud of.

We are glad you wanted to reach out to our services as a means to vent your feelings.
Good job.

NRS is here to listen and here to help.
If you would like to talk and maybe explore some other options please contact NRS at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org (live chat).

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi um I really hope um doing this right... I'm also 14 and looking for an escape. I don't really want to run away but this isn't the first time the notion has popped into my head. Also I don't have nearly as much reason to be here as the person who started this thread but I felt like I needed to do this.

My life has been pretty damn good. Great family. Good friends and I was doing well at school. Until now. I'm now not doing so well at school, my friends are hormonal teenagers(like me) and my dad is now under alot of stress and is taking it out on my and my mum. Don't get me wrong!! He isn't physically hurting either of us but... He yells at me alot. And he's now doing it in front of my friends (that's a sharp kick to the self esteam). Last year we started moving. We were doing something and I was distracted. Long story short, he hit me. Hard across the back of the head and ever since I've been afraid of him. Recently he's been yelling a lot and I'm terrified that he might hit me again. I have a place to go if things get REALLY bad but I don't want it to come to that.

Thanks you for your time.

[ccsmod14]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that things have been so triggering at home. You do not deserve to be physically abused but rather, deserve to be in a loving, supportive environment. It sounds like this situation has really caused you to struggle with how to keep yourself healthy in a really negative situation. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to Child Protective Services. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org. Child Help is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

You’re brought up a lot of concerns about your ability to stay healthy and we think that it’s great that you are looking out for your well-being despite the stress you’re experiencing. We can’t tell you what to do, but we will share as much info as we can to help you decide how to approach your situation.

You mentioned feeling that you wanted to run away because of the way things have been going at home. One option you have to address your situation would be to reach out for support from a school social worker or school psychologist. It’s important to note that they may require parental consent at a certain point, but having additional support from someone at school might help you navigate how to cope with the triggers. If you do not have either of those resources, please feel free to give us a call or send us a chat, and we can help you find local agencies that offer similar services.

If you do decide to run away, we hope that you’ll consider asking yourself the following questions:
1. How long will you be gone for?
2. Where will you stay?
3. How will you pay for food/shelter?
4. How will you keep yourself safe while you’re out of your house?
5. If you decide to go back home, how might you approach your parents with your concerns?
6. Since you are under 18, you are legally your parents’ responsibility. They can file a runaway report and have the police escort you home. Anyone hosting you without their permission could also be charged with "harboring a runaway" which is a criminal offense. What would be your next steps then?


If you have concerns about running away, or if you want to explore ways to keep yourself safe at home while you decide what your next steps will be, know that we are here to support you. We’re so sorry to hear that there have been so many triggers at home. It sounds like you’ve been trying hard to keep yourself healthy and the things at home have made it really challenging on you. We wish you the best of luck.

NRS

[Guest]

Yeah Im 12 and I have been crying a lot lately. My mom is divorced with my dad and I don't see him anymore and neither do I wish to. But the main problem is that my mom gets mad so quickly and she also hits me sometimes. Well yeah Im Indian so Indian parents do hit there kids but she just does it for no reason. SHE WILL PICK UP ANY SMALL REASON I MEAN ANYTHING AND JUST STARTS CURSING A LOT AND YELLING. I feel like calling the police or going into a foster family. I HATE HER. But sometimes she is nice but still she is 85% mean the whole time and I AM FED UP OF IT> I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE......

[ccsmod6]

Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline today, that’s why we’re here, to listen and to help. We’re sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time with your family and that you’ve been crying a lot lately. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and share when you’re going through tough times.

You mentioned that since the divorce, that your mom has been getting mad quickly and hits you sometimes, or curses and yells a lot at you. First off: There is no excuse for physically striking you, not even culture. You deserve to feel safe and supported, especially at home. Your safety is very important to us – so if you continue to feel unsafe, calling the police is definitely an option available to you. They would want to ensure that you are safe, and that could involve removal from the home to a shelter or a foster family situation, or something similar. Another option you may want to consider is calling Child Help – they are a national child abuse hotline service and can help walk you through the process of making a report in case you have any questions about making a report or need anyone for support. Their number is 1-800-422-4453 and website is childhelp.org.

If you haven’t done so already, another option to consider is seeking out family counseling for you and your mom, to help address how to better, safely communicate with each other in a positive, non harmful way. We have a database of resources that we could search to help find services in your area, if that is an option you wanted to explore. Alternatively, is there a trusted adult or authority figure who has noticed what’s going on at home – like a neighbor or teacher or relative – whom you’d feel comfortable talking to about your current home situation? Someone who could be there as a source of support. Whatever you can do – even if it’s making sure to walk into another room and remove yourself from a harmful situation, -- is important to think about, to help ensure your safety.

We hope this has been helpful to you. Again, we are so sorry to hear about the things you are going through and are really glad you contacted us. Please know that you can call us 24 hours a day 7 days a week at 1-800-786-2929 if you have questions or want to explore any of these options further. Good luck, and we hope to hear from you soon.

[Guest]

OMG, my dad does the same thing! He has hit me with the broom once and ever since then I have felt unsafe. He just yells and cusses at me a lot. My mom says I just deserve it. I told my brother who is married and has his own house about how I feel unsafe; and he said that it isn't abuse until they hit you more than once. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one going through this.

[ccsmod0]

Hello #5,
Thank you for taking the time to write to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like your father has hit you and now you do not feel safe in your home. We want you to know that no one has the right to make you feel unsafe. You are a very brave person to reach out to discuss what is going on. While we are not here to define abuse, from what you shared it could be considered that by some. https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/ is a site that can give you more information detailing what is considered abuse and how you can go about reporting it. It is great that you felt comfortable enough to open up to your brother about this but once again no one can tell you how you feel. If you think this is something that you would like to talk about further you are more than welcome to give us a call. 1-800-786-2929
Best,
NRS