Me

[Bataunia]

When I was young my mother split from my father, they were both drug addicts and one a drug dealer. I lived with my grandma and my mother in a small apartment (age 2), sheabuse me and came home at 4 in the morning drunk my grandma couldnt control her. My family is strictly christian as in the religion and to see that my family couldn't save her is disgusting, this is a strict family and they wont make any effort to save her. I grew up my grandfather died (I dont need pity). Me and my grandma moved in with my great-grandma (ggma) after i was seperated from my mom. My ggma was rude and incredibly selfish. My mother would visit me till one halloween my uncle came to visit she came and crashed her car into his. Amazing halloween much? She ran from cops got arrested then became homeless and I have no idea where she is hope shes not in my town. I realized how incredibly selfish my ggma was being and was effecting my grandma emotionally i tried helping her but she made no effort to help me help her. (Age 9) I was a normal kid at my school. I was innocent and gave everyone a chance if they hurt me i gave too many chances and got hurt.(age 12) I realized who I could trust i limited myself and my friends grew I am one of the most feared but popular kids in my school. Feared because I don't hide much and expose most people in my school. I had a friend from grade 2 i cut him off he treated me horribly i humiliated him for 2 months he walks home alone now and has not much friends. I AM NOT a bully i dont provoke the fight if they start it i finish it i never start the fight. I gained my own philosophy that you must sacrifice others to continue to live i havent felt love for along time now and i never cry anymore my eyes are constantly watering (i assume its from me not crying that the tears build up) I have bipolar and depression i seem happy and im incredibly weird on the outside but this is my insides im not human my mindset must be from another planet i was the most empathetic kid ever now i feel bad for no one not even myself. Ill always be likable because of my outsides but my insides are dangerous and im on a path that its hard to turn back and if i do i will still have permanent effects on me from that path. Help me turn around even thought it wont work.

[ccsmod2]

re: Me

Hi,

Thanks for contacting us. It sounds like you are going through a tough time right now and you are looking for some guidance. From what you shared you want us to help you to turn your life around, even though you know it won't work. We aren't actually trained counselors here at NRS but we are here if you need to talk. For further assistance, please call or chat with us. We are here 24/7.

Take care,
NRS