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Is it okay to run away if you are being abused.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,

    Thanks ever so much for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that your girlfriend's situation has been so difficult. Please know that it is never ok for anyone to make your girlfriend feel unsafe at home. She deserves to live in a space where she feels safe. It sounds like she's thinking about leaving home because she feels unsafe at home with her parents and brothers, but you both have questions about the legality of her leaving and whether you can pick her up. We are not legal experts, but we will share information that may help you figure out your next steps.


    It sounds like you have been a great source of support for your girlfriend, and you've done your best to research the best ways to help her. Making a call to CPS is a good first step, and if your girlfriend has continued to experience abuse since your mom called child protective services, your girlfriend has the right to continue reporting as new incidents happen. Whether CPS does anything that your girlfriend feels is helpful really depends on how her state handles reports, but it is still helpful for your girlfriend to document the abuse with them. If she does not know how to reach them, organizations like Child Help, available at 1-800-422-4453 or by visiting www.childhelp.org/ can help you identify your local agency and make a report if you would like to. Regarding leaving home, from what we understand, in some states, it is technically not illegal to run away, but it is considered a status offense in some states. If your girlfriend leaves without consent, her parents or legal guardians can file a runaway report with their local police department. Each police department has discretion to handle reports as they see fit, but typically, if a youth runs away and is located, they would be returned to their parent/legal guardian. The best way to confirm how the process works in your girlfriend's area is to call her local police at their non emergency number in Oklahoma and asking them directly. If she is hoping to permanently live somewhere else with another adult/legal guardian, it may help to reach out to someone familiar with the laws in your girlfriend's state, like a local legal aid agency, so that they can outline what your girlfriend's options might be. If you need help identifying resources, or just want to talk about the situation, either you or your girlfriend are welcome to reach out to us.

    Whatever either of you decide, please know that we are here to support you both. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to support you both as you figure out your next steps. We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat). We are here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!

    -NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod15; Today, 08:05 AM. Reason: added resource

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Is it okay for my girlfriend to run away from her abusive parents? They trashed her room, yell at her everyday for no reasons, they don't feed her everyday, they took her door off the wall, took her phone away, she's a straight A student, does her and her brothers chores, helps her parents with everything, is a hard worker, very smart, never gets in trouble. Her parents gets drunk alot and smoke all the time, her dad has hit her 2 year old baby brother, her mom has beaten her while drunk. Her dad touched her inappropriately. Her brothers are always hitting her and she wants me to go to her state to pick her up. Would it be illegal for me to get her? We've been dating for almost 2 years now, I'm 16 and she's 14. I did alot of research and it says that when running away from an abusive household, if the runaway is staying at a relative or friend's house it's not illegal unless their being forced to stay. I told my mom about everything that she's going through, and mom said she called child protective services, but my girlfriend lives in Oklahoma, and she and many of her friends said in Oklahoma CPS never does anything. What should I do?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thanks so much for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We know that it takes a lot of strength to ask for help and we’re glad that you reached out. You don’t deserve abuse and we’re so sorry that you’re experiencing it. You mentioned fearing that your situation might end in suicide if things don’t change. Your life has worth and our top priority is your safety. If you feel that you are in immediate danger, please consider calling 911 for assistance.
    You asked whether it’s okay for you to run away. We can certainly understand why you’d want to leave home considering how your parents have been treating you. 18 years old is generally the age that an individual may leave home without permission from their parent or legal guardian. If you are under 18 and leave home without permission, your parents may file a runaway report with the police. This means that, at the very least, police would have to return you to your parents if they found you. While running away is not a crime, any legal adult who allows you to stay with them could be charged with harboring a runaway. One way to find out the laws in your area is to call your local police and ask what their policies are regarding runaway youth.
    If you need a safe place to go and talk to someone, you may wish to visit The National Safeplace website (www.nationalsafeplace.org). You can look up your city and state to see if there are any safe places near you. This organization provides immediate help and supportive resources for youth in need. So that is always an option if you feel like you need somewhere safe to go and talk to somebody.
    Considering the extent of the abuse you face at home, filing an abuse report is certainly also an option for you. In general, once abuse has been reported, social services will decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (you stay in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove you from the home and offer certain services).
    If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.
    You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail about your situation to discuss your options, you can call us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). If you’re unable to call in, you can also chat with use through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi, I am 12 years old and I get abused every day of my life. It is to the point where I have gotten bruises and my parents have even broken the skin. I have thought of just ending my life but I care about my friends. Is it okay for me to run away??

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
    While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    so where can i go if i do run away bc im 14 abd my life at home is very bad

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are experiencing emotional and physical harm from your mom. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how to make a report and how a report might be handled by CPS.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. We want you to know that we are here to support you. If you need a space to talk please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us at https://www.1800runaway.org/. We are available 24/7

    Stay safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hello, I’m reaching out to know if I should run away. I am 15 and my mom is abusive she’ll slap me, pull my hair and choke me. She does more but I’m not going into it but she says also calls me horrible names and dictates the way I dress and calls me a w*#&$ and says I hope you get [email protected]*$^ for wearing that. She also says I’m lazy and a no good daughter and makes me hate myself because of it. My grades are low and I get that’s bad but every time the 50 or below she takes my phone and gets in my face and when I ask her to please stop that’s when she slaps me and treats me like I’m nothing. But then she plays victim saying she never does that and every one around her believes her over me. I really need help on what to do.

    ive already sent y'all and email
    Last edited by ccsmod7; 12-09-2021, 05:55 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    You mentioned possibly experiencing emotional abuse.  Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise.  Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation.  That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share.  Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead.  The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.

    We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support.

    Be safe,

    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    How do I know if I’m being emotional abuse?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thank you so much for reaching out to us. We are sorry that we didn't answer right away, but that is because we work on live callers and chatters first.
    You do not deserve to by sexually and physically abused. At all. By anyone. They tell you not to tell anyone to protect them, not to protect you. You can tell your teacher and they will begin the work of helping you to be safe. If you go to your friends, please tell them what is happening, or reach out to us from there.
    You can reach out to us by live chat through this website or, if you get to your friends, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929)
    You deserve to be safe. You deserve help and we are here to help you. We truly hope to hear from you soon.
    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi im 10 years old and im being physically abused by my mom and sexually abused by my dad, the sexual abuse started when i was 4 years old and the physically abuse was when i was 9 (last year). Ive been thinking a lot about running away but i'd have no where to go and im scared to ask my teacher if i can go to the counselor cause they usually talk to the person's parents about it. I just really need help or advice, Thank you.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks so much for contacting NRS, it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help. It sounds like your situation at home is really difficult. No one deserves to be belittled or hit and we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. We understand why you would want to leave given how your home is unsafe for you and are here to support you in any way we can.

    You mentioned feeling scared to run away and this is understandable as leaving home is a big decision. There are many things to consider, such as where you would stay and how you would take care of yourself. If you are considering running away, we can talk with you at anytime to help you create a plan that will help to keep you safe. We are not here to tell you what to do; our priority is to support you and help keep you safe.

    Everyone deserve to feel safe at home and no one deserves to be mistreated. If you feel you are being mistreated at home by your mom, you have the right to file an abuse report. If that is something you are interested in exploring further, more information can be found at Child Help USA (www.childhelp.org/) which can also help make the report by calling 1800-422-4453. You could also consider speaking to an adult you trust, perhaps a teacher or counsellor at school or trusted family member, who may be able to support you.

    We want to help keep you safe and it sounds like you are having thoughts of suicide. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a great resource to talk to when you have these feelings and are available 24/7 through their hotline (800) 273-8255. Additionally, if you are interested, we can help try to connect you to local counsellors in your area that could provide you with professional mental health support.

    We are here to listen and support you 24/7 by calling 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or via chat through 1800runaway.org.

    We will you all the best,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I’m 11 years old and my mom physically and emotionally abused me I feel like I grew up too fast all the time. My mom calls me names belittles me and physically hits me with a metal cable. My brother isint at this house anymore lol bf my dad is always working I have no personal space and she is always telling me that I don’t mean anything and that nothing that I have is mine not even my own life.I’m scared to run away because I don’t want to be sent to the orphanage and I don’t want anything bad to happen to me but I just can’t keep doing this. It hurts so much and I would rather die than stay here.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,


    Thanks for reaching out, we hope to help as best we can. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against mother and father. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.

    By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. Its great to know family is trying to be supportive. If you'd like to discuss reporting or other options, please reach out. As a minor if you leave the home without parental permission and you haven't been removed from the home due to abuse or neglect your parents can file a runaway report for you. You would not be in legal trouble but you would likely be returned home by police.

    We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support.


    Be safe,
    NRS
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