I need out of this house

[Guest]

For maybe 5 years now, I've lived with my grandparents. I feel like toxic is too mild to refer to them.
My grandfather is a sex offender, but he stays around only because we need his money. My grandmother is just, let's say cruel. I suffer from depression and psychosis. I finally got some sort of help a couple years ago, getting properly diagnosed and all that. She still says I'm just a spoiled brat faking it to be like my dad (who killed himself those five years ago) and has on many occasions told me to kill myself when I was seeking help for my depression and suicidal thoughts. I was almost eleven when my dad died. I tried killing my self when I had just turned fourteen. I'm about to turn sixteen. There is screaming and fighting everyday, always between them, and sometimes I even get involved. I get called a whore, lowdown **********, slut, a ********ing failure, and many other things, and not as jokes. I've been told it was my fault my dad killed himself, even when I was eleven or twelve and the trauma from that was still fresh. My grandma constantly threatens to send me away, never does though.
My therapist even said I would never improve mentally if things continue like this, no matter how many times I go to a hospital or take medications, and that was a year ago and nothing changed. A professional has said this toxic household is draining and damaging to my mental health.
My grandparents are the only family I have. As I said, my dad is dead. My mom isn't an option. She's practically insane, abusing drugs and when I did live with her for a couple months, I was abused and badly traumatized in her care, which I have told doctors in hospitals and a CPS worker.
I have been trying to cope with this for the longest time but it's honestly something I shouldn't have to just "cope" with. No kid should have to just "cope" when in horrible situations like this.
I planned for a while to be emancipated, however I don't have a job nor a license so I feel like that won't work. I don't want to spend my life in foster care either. I've heard things from the girls I've met in hospitals. That won't be any better I don't think.
Im smart and have a promising future but this house is slowly taking that away more and more. I don't want that.
I don't know what else I can do though.

[ccsmod6]

Hey there,

We are glad you reached out to us, we understand how hard it can be to seek for help and in doing so you are so strong and courageous to talk to us about what is going on. It sounds like you have been through a lot these past 5 years with your father committing suicide and all the toxicity and name-calling your grandparents have made you experience. It seems your mom was unable to provide a safe place for you either because of her abusive behavior with drugs and abusing you as well. You do not deserve to be treated in a way that is impacting your mental health more negatively.

Losing a family member is hard, and it has an impact on loved ones. It is not right for your grandmother to say that you are spoiled and faking what you are going through and it seems like they make matters worse by always fighting and screaming. You have every right to feel the way you do and we are glad to hear you have your therapist there for you when you need someone to talk to. You are very brave and strong, not many individuals are able to seek for help and we are glad that you have found coping methods to help you during this time and have done personal research on things such as emancipation.

We know you mentioned that going into a foster home is not an option you are interested in, but there are shelters and transitional living programs that could be around your area. They provide a safe place to stay and transitional living programs are programs available to youth who are trying to get back on their feet. They provide services such as housing, counseling, job skill training and more. It could be a little bit of a transition but it is an option there for you that could be better than your current situation.

If you want to talk more in depth about what has been going on, do not hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or start a live chat with us at www.1800runaway.org. We are here for you and here to listen.