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Parents won't let me go to college

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  • Parents won't let me go to college

    I'm turning 18 in june and i want to go to college in the fall, but my parents (especially my father) are adamant about me not going. They say im not mature enough and that with my attitude that i would "never be able to live with someone else". I have a 2 day orientation to go to in july which my friend is taking me to. My father has taken my phone, my school laptop, and grounded me many times for even considering going to that college (it's 5 hours away).
    I asked for a therapist for many years, and my father only ever agreed to get me one once this whole college thing started. Except he got us a family counselor instead, who always took his side, shut me down all the time, was always checking her phone and barely paying attention, and even started calling me controlling and manipulative when i walked out (which a cop told me to do whenever i need to calm down) and cried that i was feeling suicidal. I had never felt suicidal before or after we went to her mind you. She agreed with my father when he called me a coward for being suicidal.
    I never actually had a plan, but when she asked me if I did i said "i guess i could stand in traffic?" And she immediately demanded we go to a hospital. Never did she ask any questions to make sure if i was actually suicidal or if i was just feeling hopeless in that moment. She only rushed us out. Despite everything, i definitely still want to live no matter what.
    My mom had agreed to go the orientation with me but now she's going back on her word and taken my father's side. She started crying one day and my father yelled at me over and over again saying if i didn't cancel orientation and stopped thinking about goint to that school that he'd take me out of school, take my phone, my door (which he has done before), and make me breakup with my boyfriend. At that point i lied to him and said i had canceled it. So now i must do everything in secret. I don't know how I'm going to do this. How will i leave for two days? How will they react? Will they call the cops or the counselor? Will she have the authority to declare me a danger to myself despite me not going to her for months and not feeling suicidal anymore? If so will the cops be able to come after me?
    And I'm scared of how they'll act when i come back. I'll be 18 so there won't be much they can do but I'm still very scared. And how will i move into my dorm in this situation? I asked my close friend if i could stay at her place when i turn 18 to prevent any more problems. I'll be talking with her mom soon to make sure she's okay with it.
    What my parents say about me used to be true. I did have bad anger issues in the past, but even then i always know to walk away and to let things go. But they don't believe me despite me always handling my own conflicts at school and with friends in a reasonable manner. I'm just really scared about all of this

  • #2

    Thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry to hear about your situation. It seems unfair that your dad has taken away your things, grounded you and has threatened to take you out of school and to have you breakup with your boyfriend for wanting to go to college. It is understandable that you lied to your dad about cancelling orientation. It sounds like the family counselor that your dad hired did not make you feel emotionally validated, we would like you to know that your feelings are valid. It is brave that you spoke up about your thoughts on suicide and you deserved to have emotional support during that difficult time in your life. You are a valuable human being, it is amazing that you want to go to college and that you are looking toward the future. You seem like a very intelligent person and we are proud that you are considering different options that may help you.

    To begin, since you mentioned that you will turn 18 in June and that orientation will be in July, although we are not legal experts, generally the age of a legal adult is 18. Considering this, if you are a legal adult when you leave then technically your parents are not allowed to use the law to force you back home. It is great that you are thinking about how your parents may react once you return and that you have thought about staying with a friend too. Perhaps you could look into student financial aid if your parents may not be willing to assist in paying for school. You may have to pay for college yourself so scholarships and a job might be helpful options to consider as well.

    Again, we’re really glad that you reached out to us. It takes a lot to ask for help and you are trying to figure out next steps which is really good to see. If you would like to talk further about your situation please do not hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us. We’re here to listen, here to help.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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